I often feel like the meaning of my life, especially in the smaller day-to-day scope, is unclear. So much seems routine, sometimes rote, often muddled, and rarely meaningful. I also feel like life is in stages or, as a writer, I prefer the word chapters. Each chapter starts with a certain sense of meaning and the script is focused and strong. There is a theme of purpose and direction and I, as the lead character, move forward with determination.
About a quarter of the way into the chapter, a rhythm is assumed and the details take precedence. The daily, weekly and monthly tasks set the pace. The pace may seem slower if the routine is controlled and steady or the pace may feel hectic if the hours are overflowing with responsibilities. The greater meaning of my life cannot be seen because of the little bits and pieces that make up the moments of each day.
As the close of a chapter begins, I experience confusion, disturbances, sometimes upheaval and emotional distress. The day-to-day routine loses its importance as I struggle to accept or deny transformation. If change is rejected (if change ever can truly be rejected), I will again settle into a routine, but this routine will lack rhythm. Its pace will be jerky and feel disingenuous like a story with no plot. The lack of meaning seems more obvious, even to the point of my feeling completely lost. As I continue to push away the inevitable, health issues will appear - each one more serious than the last. I imagine if I were to continue on a path to nowhere, death would be the result but, so far, I’ve always experienced some sort of jolting wake-up that shatters my world and pushes me firmly and lovingly toward the needed change.
If I accept transformation unwillingly, as one led to the gallows, my days will be sorrowful, slow and befuddled. I will move forward, but tentatively and with distrust. Because our transformations are always a soul lesson, I will eventually get there but the path will be obscured and uneven. What could have been, and was meant to be a joyful and exciting journey, will take on similarities of walking through thick mud - I may reach my destination but in a state of exhaustion, dirty and disheveled, but always with more wisdom.
If I embrace the change, the pace of my days will quicken as small shifts are made. Then, before transformation is complete or even in full force, all slows down. A new rhythm is assumed - slower, but less steady. I believe this to be a time of acclimation and acceptance, of allowing new conditions to be absorbed. At times, I may feel like the change has halted and I may even accept and welcome that. But, inevitably and without warning, the shifts begin again, but greater in force and frequency. Synchronicity leads the way to make the transformation complete. Problems that seemed unsolvable are almost magically resolved. Helpers come into my life unexpectedly and often from unknown sources. There is an electricity in the air that surrounds me and changes occur quickly, smoothly and with purpose. This is when illumination happens. Moments are lit up like fireflies. My direction, my reason for being is clear and in focus. Life feels spiritual and I feel as though I am being hugged by angels. And, maybe I am. Illumination gives meaning to the smallest of occurrences and all works together in harmony.
I have recently spent a great deal of time contemplating change and this is what I learned about how change has historically occurred in my life. Change for others may be, and I am sure is, a completely different experience. Obviously, some have transformation thrust upon them suddenly, sometimes violently and others seem to travel through the chapters of their lives like riding on a an escalator - the movement is smooth and uneventful and the scenery changes just slightly. Our journeys are all personal and unique.
It is the illumination part that intrigues me. That is the fun part. When all the moments seem synchronized and harmonized and meaningful. I believe it is during the periods of illumination that we are able to manifest, when we are the most creative and in tune with the Universe. The question is: how do we maintain a state of illumination?
Right now I feel like I am in that second stage of transformation - the one after the chaos and before illumination. My life has a rhythm but it feels slightly off kilter, like dancing rock-n-roll, rather than a waltz. I am longing for illumination; searching for it. And, maybe, that is the problem. The Law of Attraction says we have to stop struggling, to stop needing. I realize now that illumination is a gift, not a reward that is earned. To accept a gift, we have to be open to receiving it and that means letting go of the struggle. Ironically, I am struggling with letting go of the struggle. Aren’t we all? We are told from a young age that life is a struggle, life is hard, we must work hard, we must fight to the finish, we cannot give up, JUST DO IT. But, what is “it”? Aren’t we too busy doing an undefined “it”? Running around chasing “it”? Searching for “it”? Finding “it” and then losing “it” and then struggling to regain “it”?
Maybe illumination is the “it” of our lives and, unexpectedly and contrary to what we have been taught, that “it” cannot be earned or gained or chased or trapped or caught. Illumination is an honored guest, not a prisoner who is captured. As its host, one cannot have expectations because illumination comes with its own agenda. One need only open the door and wait patiently, peacefully and contentedly. Maybe illumination does not have to come at the end of my chapters, after the turmoil has brought about transformation. What if illumination stays, is part of my daily life? Perhaps, with illumination a permanent resident, turmoil is not needed. With illumination, transformation may be a state of being. Rather than cataclysmic, maybe change would be steady and smooth, like breathing.
About a quarter of the way into the chapter, a rhythm is assumed and the details take precedence. The daily, weekly and monthly tasks set the pace. The pace may seem slower if the routine is controlled and steady or the pace may feel hectic if the hours are overflowing with responsibilities. The greater meaning of my life cannot be seen because of the little bits and pieces that make up the moments of each day.
As the close of a chapter begins, I experience confusion, disturbances, sometimes upheaval and emotional distress. The day-to-day routine loses its importance as I struggle to accept or deny transformation. If change is rejected (if change ever can truly be rejected), I will again settle into a routine, but this routine will lack rhythm. Its pace will be jerky and feel disingenuous like a story with no plot. The lack of meaning seems more obvious, even to the point of my feeling completely lost. As I continue to push away the inevitable, health issues will appear - each one more serious than the last. I imagine if I were to continue on a path to nowhere, death would be the result but, so far, I’ve always experienced some sort of jolting wake-up that shatters my world and pushes me firmly and lovingly toward the needed change.
If I accept transformation unwillingly, as one led to the gallows, my days will be sorrowful, slow and befuddled. I will move forward, but tentatively and with distrust. Because our transformations are always a soul lesson, I will eventually get there but the path will be obscured and uneven. What could have been, and was meant to be a joyful and exciting journey, will take on similarities of walking through thick mud - I may reach my destination but in a state of exhaustion, dirty and disheveled, but always with more wisdom.
If I embrace the change, the pace of my days will quicken as small shifts are made. Then, before transformation is complete or even in full force, all slows down. A new rhythm is assumed - slower, but less steady. I believe this to be a time of acclimation and acceptance, of allowing new conditions to be absorbed. At times, I may feel like the change has halted and I may even accept and welcome that. But, inevitably and without warning, the shifts begin again, but greater in force and frequency. Synchronicity leads the way to make the transformation complete. Problems that seemed unsolvable are almost magically resolved. Helpers come into my life unexpectedly and often from unknown sources. There is an electricity in the air that surrounds me and changes occur quickly, smoothly and with purpose. This is when illumination happens. Moments are lit up like fireflies. My direction, my reason for being is clear and in focus. Life feels spiritual and I feel as though I am being hugged by angels. And, maybe I am. Illumination gives meaning to the smallest of occurrences and all works together in harmony.
I have recently spent a great deal of time contemplating change and this is what I learned about how change has historically occurred in my life. Change for others may be, and I am sure is, a completely different experience. Obviously, some have transformation thrust upon them suddenly, sometimes violently and others seem to travel through the chapters of their lives like riding on a an escalator - the movement is smooth and uneventful and the scenery changes just slightly. Our journeys are all personal and unique.
It is the illumination part that intrigues me. That is the fun part. When all the moments seem synchronized and harmonized and meaningful. I believe it is during the periods of illumination that we are able to manifest, when we are the most creative and in tune with the Universe. The question is: how do we maintain a state of illumination?
Right now I feel like I am in that second stage of transformation - the one after the chaos and before illumination. My life has a rhythm but it feels slightly off kilter, like dancing rock-n-roll, rather than a waltz. I am longing for illumination; searching for it. And, maybe, that is the problem. The Law of Attraction says we have to stop struggling, to stop needing. I realize now that illumination is a gift, not a reward that is earned. To accept a gift, we have to be open to receiving it and that means letting go of the struggle. Ironically, I am struggling with letting go of the struggle. Aren’t we all? We are told from a young age that life is a struggle, life is hard, we must work hard, we must fight to the finish, we cannot give up, JUST DO IT. But, what is “it”? Aren’t we too busy doing an undefined “it”? Running around chasing “it”? Searching for “it”? Finding “it” and then losing “it” and then struggling to regain “it”?
Maybe illumination is the “it” of our lives and, unexpectedly and contrary to what we have been taught, that “it” cannot be earned or gained or chased or trapped or caught. Illumination is an honored guest, not a prisoner who is captured. As its host, one cannot have expectations because illumination comes with its own agenda. One need only open the door and wait patiently, peacefully and contentedly. Maybe illumination does not have to come at the end of my chapters, after the turmoil has brought about transformation. What if illumination stays, is part of my daily life? Perhaps, with illumination a permanent resident, turmoil is not needed. With illumination, transformation may be a state of being. Rather than cataclysmic, maybe change would be steady and smooth, like breathing.
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