Life in Reverse

I am behind in reading my O (Oprah) magazines.  I like them very much, but when a new issue arrives, I tend to read the “Contributors” page and one or two of the articles that really catch my attention and then the magazine gets hidden under other magazines, books or children’s toys and I forget about it.  Eventually my man adds the magazine to a stack in a basket where it sits for months.  Last week I gathered all those back issues with a pledge to read them ALL before the end of the year.  Today, I completed the February 2012 issue, in which there was an article named “You. . .In Six Words”.  This was the introduction:

“In November 2006, writer and editor Larry Smith issued a challenge to fans of his Web publication, SMITH Magazine. . .Smith asked his readers to describe their lives in six words.”

I thought, “That’s impossible!”  But, the article contained many examples that proved what I initially thought was impossible was, indeed, possible.   Here are some of the submissions in the article:

“Surfing life’s ripples, wishing for waves.” -------- Karen Barbier
“Might as well eat that cookie.” -------- Paula Deen
“I am more than a twin.” ------- Diane Campbell

I was inspired, but I am wordy.  How can I describe my life - 58 years of life - in six words, just six words?  Maybe 600, but six - I had my doubts, but I took the challenge.  

I started with individual words that I associate with myself until I identified an idea that captured my life as I view and define it right now.  In my head, the idea needed many more words than six, so I had to cut, trim and rearrange until I was left with a half dozen words.  Once I had the idea, the chopping block part was much easier than I expected and this was my final result:

Learning from living life in reverse.  

Recently, I considered how I am now, at the age of 58, undergoing so many experiences that most women have in their 20's or 30's, and when I was younger, I had experiences most don’t have until their later years.  I do, indeed, feel as though I am living life in reverse.

When I was a child and teenager, everyone thought I was at least 3 to 10 years older;  as an adult, people figure I am 10 to 15 years younger than my current age.  Living life in reverse.

My childhood home was in an rural area with only one other family with children within a mile.  All my other neighbors were adults 40 to 70 years old, and they were my companions.  On weekends, I rode my bike from house to house, sitting and talking with my older neighbors, playing board games with them, drinking lemonade, iced tea or hot chocolate, helping with their gardening and cooking.  At the age of 17, when friends my age were babysitting, I was working as a nurse’s assistant in a nursing home, surrounded by the elderly.  I felt more at ease with my patients than I did with most of my high school classmates.  During my child-bearing years, because my husband and I did not have children, we accepted the responsibility of looking after elderly parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles in our families.  When others our ages were changing diapers and planning play dates, we were picking up high blood pressure meds at pharmacies, sitting in hospital waiting rooms and taking garbage cans to the curb for those who could no longer do it.  It is just now that I am seeing people my age having those same experiences of elder-care.  Living life in reverse.

My parents were just shy of 40 when I was born and my mother died before reaching 40.  I experienced the death of a parent before I had a memory of that parent, but most people are in their 40's or 50's or even 60's before being forced to cope with the death of a mother or father. Living life in reverse.

In my late teens I experienced my first debilitating back injury.  During my 20's and most of my 30's, my activities were hampered by back pain.  At the age of 29, I sometimes walked with a cane to stabilize my spine.  At 58, my back feels stronger and I experience much less pain than I did 30 years ago.  Living life in reverse.

Most people my current age are resting after raising their children.  I did not have children and I adopted my daughter as a teenager, so I skipped the whole child-rearing experience, until now.  My daughter and her two small children have been living with me for more than two years and I am now having the experience of raising, well, helping to raise, small children.  I've changed more diapers in the last two years than I have in all my previous years combined.  I just had my premier tooth fairy experience when my grandson lost his first tooth this month.  For the first time, I am dropping off children at school in the morning and picking them up at after-school in the evening, telling bedtime stories, going to Christmas plays and planning birthday parties - all activities that most people experience before the age of 45.  Yes, I am a grandmother, but a grandmother learning to be a mother.  Living life in reverse.

While most couples in their early 50's begin making plans for their golden years of retirement, I was burying my husband (Yes, we were separated, but still married, when he passed) and figuring out how to make ends meet on one income.  Living life in reverse.

I owned my first home at the age of 21, and now, since the age of 50, I've been living in a rental house while most in my age group have paid off their mortgages.  Most people/couples search for their dream home during their 20's and 30's and it is now, at 58, that I have a goal of finding and acquiring my dream home - in Mount Dora, of course!  Living life in reverse.

General thinking says creativity is a product of the young, and most people I know experienced their strongest years of creativity before the age of 50, while I believe I am now entering the most creative phase of my life.  Living life in reverse.

With all of that said, my statement was actually “Learning from living life in reverse”.  What am I learning and why do my lessons come either earlier or later than those of others? That is the part I am still trying to figure out.  Although I did not realize it at the start of my Manifesting Mount Dora project, I now think one of the lessons of this journey is to discover why so many of my life experiences have occurred at non-traditional ages.

One lesson I can already identify is that age does not have to limit or define life.  Because of my association with older people in my younger years, I understand, respect and appreciate the age group I am entering.  Unlike many my age who feel their lives are almost ending, I don’t feel being over 50 has to limit who I am.  In fact, I believe I and my life are just getting better with each year that passes.  I may have slow down a little physically and tire a little more easily, but I meet these challenges and experiences that usually come at a younger age with all the energy I can muster and with a maturity and, I hope, wisdom that I did not possess years ago.  I appreciate the moments of surprise, tenderness, exhilaration and comfort in ways I could not in years pass.  The losses and disappointments and roadblocks in life are not as devastating as they once were and although I may be moving a little slower at this age, I pick myself up quicker than I did in my earlier years.

Living life in reverse does have its advantages and lessons.  I may be living a backwards life, but I am always moving forward.