Sunday, February 10, 2013

Here I Go Again

When I started the Manifesting Mount Dora project, I called it an experiment with the Law of Attraction.  As the months passed, I forgot about the "experiment" part.  My focus slipped from the process to the hoped-for result, a sure path to disappointment, sadness and regret.  Why did this happen?  Control.  I wanted to be in control, I felt I was in control and when that proved to be not true, I lost control.  

The Law of Attraction is not a way to control your future, but a method to attract the future you want - a method that some swear by and that some think is hocus-pocus.  I wanted, and still want to, believe in the Law of Attraction, but I must approach it with a control-free attitude and that is difficult for me to do.  More than once, by multiple people, I have been labeled a control freak.  Although I think my control issues are definitely less than is years past, I obviously have not eliminated them entirely.  

I receive a daily email call the Daily Om by Madisyn Taylor and on February 8th, the theme of the email was control - how apropos.  Here is the first paragraph of that email essay:


The answer to control is practicing surrender.


Trying to maintain control in this life is a bit like trying to maintain control on a roller coaster. The ride has its own logic and is going to go its own way, regardless of how tightly you grip the bar. There is a thrill and a power in simply surrendering to the ride and fully feeling the ups and downs of it, letting the curves take you rather than fighting them. When you fight the ride, resisting what’s happening at every turn, your whole being becomes tense and anxiety is your close companion. When you go with the ride, accepting what you cannot control, freedom and joy will inevitably arise. 


I hate roller coasters!  Why? The lack of control, of course. I am the one gripping the bar so hard my knuckles turn white.  I barely breathe.  I am so anxious, I cannot even scream.  At this moment, I feel like I may hyperventilate just thinking about being on a speeding ride where I have not control over the velocity or the destination and no way to make the darn thing stop.  No wonder I was not able to "enjoy the ride" during the last ten months of my Law of Attraction experiment. I fooled myself into thinking my actions were controlling, and thereby creating, my future. 

It is hard to wrap my mind around the idea that you can work toward attracting something without actually being in control of the end result.  Can't say that I completely understand the concept either. That is why my Manifesting Mount Dora project was an experiment.  

As I grade the experience of the last ten months, I surprise myself by giving it an 8.  Overall, the experience was enjoyable.  The challenges were difficult, but I learned and grew from them.  I believe I developed spiritually.  And all of that in spite of not achieving my goal. 

My most recent lesson is just this - Manifesting Mount Dora is an experiment, as is life.  You try something, it works or doesn't work.  More often, it doesn't.  So, you adjust your approach and try again.  There is no failure, just lessons. You don't give up, you just regroup and readjust. So, here I go again.  

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