I have wanted to write for weeks now - longed to write - but there was no time. I am still busy at work, more so than I usually am this time of year and I took on an extra one-time job that I thought would be quick and easy, but has evolved into something more complicated and time-consuming than I ever imagined. I am watching my grandchildren even more than usual while my daughter is working some untypical hours for training at her job. And, I have been sick, again, or still. Bronchitis cleared up, allergies started, while allergies were still in full force, a cold commenced. My energy and my time have been challenged on many levels. I have longed for Mount Dora to the point that I dreamed about it one entire night this week. Plans have been made to be there, but not soon enough for this weary woman.
I am feeling more optimistic - a little. I need more hope and more time that is not filled with obligations. I need to write more. I need change. I need to change.
It all starts with “me” needing to change. I can hope for those around me to transform. But, those are truly just wishes and I, or you, really have no power over others. I can hope for life to take a turn for the better, but that will only happen if I make some effort or institute some changes to help that happen.
I have been thinking a great deal about changes I can make - maybe not big ones, but, at least, little ones. Sometimes that is all it takes. Not even changes that seem to relate to desired results, but just changes - small ones that change the energy in my environment. It is amazing what a change in energy can do for your life.
I have neglected my gratitude journal - something I promised to do daily when I started this project. My journal fell by the wayside when I was going through so much in December and January. Overwhelment destroys gratitude. One change I am making is to be more diligent about my gratitude journal - maybe not every day, but at least several times a week.
I was doing some guided meditations to help me sleep last year, but they became unnecessary when medications knocked me out every night during my various illnesses or when I was so exhausted that I nearly passed out as soon as I laid down. To add meditation to my “change list”, I have signed up for Oprah’s & Deepak Choprah’s 21-Day Meditation Challenge. Wish me luck!
The last few weekends I have set aside a few hours to work on my house (again) - straightening, cleaning, organizing, clearing. My grandchildren are growing and need more room for themselves. I have concentrated on creating that space for them, which means getting rid of unnecessary stuff that was filling our house. The work is hard, especially when I am working a lot and still ill, but the results are satisfying. The house and the energy within it are changing and change is what we need.
Change has to do with starting anew and although all of these activities are good, they are not really changes - more like reinstatements. All things I once did, then neglected to do and have now restarted. What can I do that is truly new, truly different? I am stumped, but still thinking about it. It has to be something that does not require a regular schedule or too much time.
For some reason I get stuck - don’t we all? Stagnant. Dormant. Sometimes those states of inertia are necessary. Rather like a bear in hibernation. Time out - down time. A period of rest and healing. My current stuck-ness does not feel much like rest or healing. It is more of a busy stuck-ness - a moving-all-around-and-going-nowhere stuck-ness. A time of too much, rather than too little. But, it all boils down to the same thing: either you are inert and going nowhere or you are running in circles and going nowhere.
I need changes that take me off the path of nowhere and on the road to somewhere.
Just after writing the last sentence, I saw that an email had arrived that I was waiting for. I put aside my blog writing and read the email. Then, I saw my Daily Om message - www.dailyom.com - which I had net yet read. I read the message called Defense Mechanisms and have set it aside as a topic I may want to cover in a future blog post. Then, my eye caught the list of online classes offered my Daily Om - a list that is always at the end of each daily message, but which I had not noticed or read in a very long time. One of the classes listed was “The Best Year of Your Life” presented by Debbie Ford. I was intrigued and clicked on the link. The class is one lesson for 52 weeks and I signed up for it. Now that is a truly new change.
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