Wednesday, May 2, 2012

5/2/12 Women at Fifty


The last few days have been hard.  As to be expected, I am dealing with grief from my mother’s passing.  She did not want a funeral or service of any kind, leaving me considering ways that I can have a personal service to bring about a feeling of closure.  My sleep is peppered with memories of her and I wake up feeling unrested and unsettled.  There are also legal issues regarding her estate and with the help of a dear friend in her state, I am doing what I can from here to help with those problems.  Eventually, I will have to go there, but until certain issues are settled, my ability to accomplish much is limited.  I am also dealing with some tensions and issues in my own household that are additional burdens I don’t need right now.  I feel sad, drained and very off-kilter. 

So much of manifesting centers around feeling and being positive and although I am doing the best I can, I often feel too tired or overwhelmed to channel energy into anything but the tasks and concerns at hand.  I struggle just to find a place of peace from which I can operate.  I am still manifesting Mount Dora, but I think my focus on that needs to take a backseat to other, more immediate issues.  Life often moves us in other directions, if not permanently, at least for awhile.  I still gaze at my Manifesting Mount Dora Closet Door Vision Board, especially when I am searching for that elusive place of peace or when I just need a break from all that is swirling around me.  My Intention is out there in the Universe and Mount Dora is waiting patiently for me.  Although I am emotionally overwhelmed right now, my reconnection with writing won’t let me skip my blog for more than a couple of days and this evening I felt a strong need to write about something.  And, really, just how much can I or should I write about my grief and issues?  Time to go in a different direction. 

I spoke with a co-worker today about her move this week from the house she and her husband shared for many years to an apartment where she will live alone, planning a new life as a single woman.  She mentioned how turning 50 makes you think differently.  I know - the year I turned 50 was when I also left my husband.  I don’t know about men, but for many women, 50 is the year of liberation - the year we stop thinking of everyone else and start thinking of ourselves - the year we stop being cautious and careful and considerate.  Turning 50 is more than a birthday, it is an independence day.  For most women, by the age of 50, the children are grown or at least out of high school and for once they can think of themselves as something other than mothers.  At 50, we have come to accept that we are no longer the young girls that we once were.  In our 40's we are able to fool ourselves into thinking that with exercise and diet we can still look and act like we did at 20.  By 50, we know differently and can gradually create and accept a new vision of ourselves.  We do not and will never again look 20 and we learn to not only to accept, but also to embrace, that knowledge.  Freedom comes when we no longer feel the need to live up to some unrealistic ideal.  We relax more and choose to be comfortable rather than fashionable.  Wisdom is treasured more than trends, reflection more than distraction.  At 50, we can start thinking, perhaps for the first time, about what we want to manifest for ourselves.   I am sure my co-worker will begin figuring out who she wants to be in the second half of her life.  She probably is not aware of manifesting or the Law of Attraction, but she will spend her new alone time trying to figure out who she is as a single woman and what she wants to create for herself in the years to come.  She may feel lonely right now, maybe sad, maybe disappointed, maybe even fearful, but with time she will come into her power, the power she claimed when she dared to think of a life different than the one she’d been living for 29 years.  Power does not always start out feeling powerful.  It often feels small and frightened and confused, but that is just dormant power - the seed of power that sits waiting until the environment is right, until all the tears have been shed and all the regrets wiped away and all the fears put to rest.  In the rich soil watered by a woman’s tears, power grows and blooms.  Watch closely -  a woman coming into her power is a magnificent sight.  

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