Friday, July 13, 2012

7/13/12 Why Not Now?

A friend asked me, “If you want to live in Mount Dora so much, why don’t you just start looking for a job in that area or look for clients and move your business down there  NOW?” Good, logical question. 

From the start of this Manifesting Mount Dora project I knew that my intention was more than just living in Mount Dora - it was living in Mount Dora in a certain fashion, which for me means being retired or semi-retired or a least not HAVING to work every day.  I want Mount Dora AND freedom from the regular work world as I know it now.  I am relatively happy with my life as it exists at this moment.  I have my own business and make enough to pay the bills and have a little fun.  I enjoy my work, but would not mind moving on to something more creative.  I like my neighborhood and my city.  I am comfortable and happy, but I want to move forward and embrace different experiences in a new stage of life.  I guess if I were miserable in my current situation, doing everything I could to move to Mount Dora would make sense, but that is not the case.  My life has been a long string of compromises.  I have often put my needs and wants aside for everyone else’s.  This time I am focusing more on what I want and, much to my amazement, I know what that is!

I was able to manifest many changes in the past eight years, but most of those came in spite of my not knowing what I wanted or how to get it.  I just put one foot in front of the other, listened to some inner whisperings and was amazed when I was able to create a new life.  Now I know what I want and I believe that what I want is the right path for me.  This whole Mount Dora project is to see if I can rely on the Law of Attraction to manifest what I want or something better.  Most people who want to move can take steps to look for work in a new place, research places to rent or buy and make their relocation happen, and their subsequent life change may or may not be the best thing for them.  It is amazing what we can force to happen when we choose to.  I am choosing not to force anything.  I want to create and to manifest in union with The Universe.  I am open to changes in my plan that will be beneficial to me and I am open to learning that this whole idea might not be best for me.  In the meanwhile, I am learning and growing from the experience and I believe, without a doubt, that the end result will what is best for me.  Of course, at this point, I hope the end result is a home in Mount Dora and a life situation that will not require me to work or not require me to work in a traditional way. 

As I’ve said before, I have no idea how this will unfold, but as before, I am taking one step at a time and listening to my inner messages.  For most of my life, I either did not believe in intuition or inner voices or I was so far off my path I would not have heard or recognized an inner voice that was screaming at me like an angry baboon.  I recently was reading about following your inner nudges and remembered a few times in recent years when I did just that. 

One of those times was when I left my husband and moved from our home in the country to town.  I had a deep intuition that I needed to get out of that situation as soon as possible.  To make that happen, I listened to another inner message that told me who to contact to find a place to live.  After moving, people who love and care about me  encouraged me to file for divorce as soon as possible, forcing my husband to sell our home and share the proceeds with me or pay me my equity in the house so he could retain ownership.  Although I desperately could have used the money, I just could not bring myself to do that.  He did not have the funds to pay out my share of the equity, so the only option was to force him to sell and no matter how morally and legally fair that was, it just did not feel right to me.  I knew our split was hard on him emotionally and financially, I knew that I had made many mistakes that were causing him problems, I knew that he was facing several operations in the not too distant future, and I just could not in good conscience take steps that would force him out of his home - our home.  My inner whisperings said, “Don’t do it.  Wait.”  Family members and friends were upset and frustrated with me because I refused to move forward with a divorce.  I was lectured continually and yet I chose to follow that little voice that said to wait.  As fate would have it, my husband underwent his first of several scheduled operations a little more than two years after we separated and within a few weeks he suffered a blood clot and died.  Now I have no satisfaction in his passing and certainly could not have foreseen that happening, but because I did not divorce him before his untimely death, the house became mine and I was able to sell it and was left with a little equity from the sale.  As a widow, I was able to continue my health insurance, which was through his employer, and I even receive a small pension each month that is not much, but enough to cover the cost of my survivor’s insurance.  Had I listened to people rather than that internal whisper, I would be much worse off right now. 

It was that inner voice that spoke to me the week after Christmas last year when my man and I were in Mount Dora.  We had just walked all around the town enjoying the incredible holiday light displays and were standing in the park on the shore of Lake Dora looking out on the dark lake that was dancing with the reflections of all the many colorful lights in the park and a nearby marina.  The air was crisp.  I felt so alive and happy after our walk.  The lake was peaceful and we stood quietly.  It was during those moments of silence that I heard a little murmuring deep inside.  First, it sounded or felt like the mewing of a contented cat and then that internal vibration increased and I realized the unheard words were telling me that Mount Dora was where I belong.  That softly communicated idea was startling to me.  I’d never thought of living in Mount Dora, but why hadn’t I?  I love it there - we love it there.  It was the prefect home for us!  The more I toyed with the idea, the clearer it became.  Details emerged and I realized that Mount Dora was only part of the plan - the other part was retirement or semi-retirement or some sort of change in livelihood.  All those pieces fit neatly together to create Manifesting Mount Dora.  

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