Miracle in the Night

It is a little after midnight as I write this.  About an hour ago, I was laying in bed, reading the last page of a book.  I closed the book, satisfied with the ending, and laid in my bed thinking of the story and feeling content and cozy.  Everyone in the house, but me, was asleep.  Silence engulfed me.  Even our neighborhood was unusually quiet for a Friday night.  I was ready to turn off my bedside light and go to sleep, but I couldn't. I sometimes experience insomnia, but that was not the case.  My eyes were drowsy and I was ready for a full night of sleep, but something was nagging me - this inexplicable feeling nudging me to get up and go outside.  Why?  I listened intently, but could not hear any worrisome sound and I could not remember any noise that my mind may have registered unconsciously as something of concern.  I breathed deeply - no smell of smoke or chemicals.   I could not identify a problem or a reason to leave the comfort of my bed, but still I felt compelled to go outside.

I tried to push the feeling aside.  I labeled it illogical, nonsensical, impractical and just plain silly, but it would not go away.  Finally, after ten minutes of unsuccessfully attempting to use logic to justify staying under my warm covers, I got up, through a sweater on over my pajamas, slipped on my sandals and tiptoed through the house so as not to wake up anyone with my silly nighttime prowl.  As slowly and quietly as possible, I opened the front door and ventured out into the dark, breezy coolness of this November night.

There were lights on in the three houses across the street, but no one and nothing stirred.  Other than some light traffic sounds from the busier corridor streets to the north and east of our neighborhood, I heard nothing.  I walked around my car and into the carport.  I looked around where our garbage can, recycling bins and charcoal grill are, but nothing was amiss. The plants that line the chest-high wall that makes up one side of the carport were all in place.  My wind chimes were still hanging in place and, since the nighttime breeze was coming from a different direction, they were silently motionless.

As I stood there feeling very cold and very foolish, I heard the soft grunting sounds that one of my rescue dogs makes.  I have two rescues, a 12 year-old mother and her 9 year-old daughter, who I’ve had for ten years and who live in our fenced backyard and sleep on our back porch.  I looked toward the back of the carport, which is separated from our backyard by a chain link fence, expecting to see mama dog standing there, wagging her tail and making her pig-like grunting sounds. But, even in the cloudy darkness, I could see she was not there.  And, yet, her distinctive guttural noises were very close.  I looked to my right and there she sat just inches from me!  What was she doing outside the fence?  How did she get out?  We have lived in this house for eight years and during the first two, when both dogs were much younger and much more spry, they escaped the backyard three times.  The fence is an old patchwork of different types of fencing and after each escape, we found and repaired another hole or gap we had missed the time before.  For six years, the two dogs had only left the backyard when they were leashed and ready to walk our neighborhood or to go to the vet’s office.

I reached down, petted mama dog and grasped her collar, concerned that she may run off.  Both dogs are skittish and easily frightened by loud noises, strange people and other dogs.  After two of the previous escapes, they ran off, scared and panicked, and were not found until hours later.  I did not want that to happen again.  With mama dog in hand, I turned my concern to daughter dog.  Did she escape too or was she still in the backyard?  Was she off running through the neighborhood or was she somewhere near by?  I called her name softly and she rounded the side of my car and joined her mother at my side.

I was so relieved to have them safely next to me and praised them for staying nearby and not leaving our property.  Since it was too dark to investigate the fence, I led the dogs into our Florida room, gave them dishes of water and made beds for them on the terrazzo floor, where they quickly curled up in search of sleep.  Tomorrow my man and I will find and repair the newest escape route in the fence, but, for now, the two dogs are safe, warm and comfortable in their temporary accommodations.

I cannot explain why I could not sleep or why I was nagged by a feeling that I must go outside.  Maybe an angel was whispering to me.  All I know is that if I had not followed that nudge to get up from my warm bed and go out into the chilly night, my dogs would likely be nowhere to be found come morning.

Perhaps this is not a huge miracle, but, to me, it is an amazing and inexplicable miracle, and I cannot help wondering why this experience came to me tonight.  Was it to urge me to be more aware of and to be more willing to follow my inner nudges and instincts?  Was it to teach me that there is always magic and magical happenings around me?  Was it to emphasize that the Universe/God/Source is always sending us helpful messages?  Was it to tell me that anything is possible and that I should practice more trust?  I believe it was for all these reasons and more.  This week, I was again feeling a little overwhelmed and concerned and Mount Dora and my dreams felt very far away.  Now, I feel like I am covered in magical dust and that anything, ANYTHING is possible.

Starting Today

This morning my daughter was getting her children ready for school in a rush.  The rush part was causing her much stress.  My grandchildren, like my daughter, are not morning people and, although they love school, they would rather get there sometime in the mid-morning than at 8 AM.  They awaken slowly, with much encouragement, often to the point of lifting them out of bed and placing them upright on their feet with their eyes still closed tightly against the start of the day.  And, being only three and five years old, they are easily distracted and efforts to get dressed, brush teeth, comb hair and eat breakfast are often delayed by a toy, a book or a disagreement between brother and sister.  Patience is a must to survive the morning wake-up routine and patience was in short supply for my daughter this morning.  Perhaps she did not sleep well or has not fully recovered from the cold virus that our household has shared this past week or she may have been worried about something.  Maybe, she was just in a bad mood, as we all are from time to time, or perhaps she got up late herself, leaving little time to get the children ready before they had to leave for school.  The result of her lack of patience, however, was a voice-raising, child-crying episode that tainted the start to everyone's morning.  I rose from bed and joined her and the children in the bathroom for the morning teeth-brushing activity and inquired as to why she was raising her voice which was, inevitably, leading to the crying fits of the children.  Understandably, she was quick to blame the children - they don't listen, they don't pay attention, they are too slow - all true statements.  But, they are just little kids who are learning how to get up and get going.  After all, this is only my grandson's second year of school and my granddaughter's first.  To her irritation, I pointed out that her reaction to their actions, or non-actions, was her choice - the children did not cause her to raise her voice, that is what she chose to do.  I would have really been ticked if someone said that to me under the same circumstances early in the morning, so I understand if she was not too thrilled to have me standing there at that moment, but I felt my statement needed to be said.  Unlike me, I hope she learns the lesson that others don't "make" us react the way we do while she is still young enough to incorporate that wisdom into most of her life. I learned that lesson late in life and still sometimes struggle with it.  

My daughter was concentrating on the negative things, which were the children's lack of attention and slow responses, and allowing that to irritate and annoy her.  The more attention she paid to the negative, the more it happened and the more upset she became.  Her reaction was normal, but not helpful.  She could have shifted her attention from what the children were not doing and concentrate on what they were doing.  By shifting her attention from the negative to the positive, the positive would grow.  By not reacting to the negative in a negative way, she would stop the flow of unwanted actions and reactions.  Perhaps, she needed to just accept that they started off their morning late and getting to school on time, while maintaining a level of harmony and cooperation, was not possible.  So, be late this time and make the choice to start the day off earlier and better tomorrow and for all the upcoming days. 

Sometimes when we learn a lesson, when we have a light-bulb moment and something that was confusing becomes clear, when we reach a point when a change is necessary, we just need to decide right then that we will start anew.  Often we put off changes until New Year's Day or our birthday or some other significant date, but when we put off the action of change, we lose the momentum and energy of the lesson as it is happening, or we just forget to later commit ourselves to the new action we want to take.  Pause, take a breath, and say out loud, if possible, what you want to change and commit yourself to make the change immediately.  I will wake up earlier on school mornings.  I will be patient in the mornings.  I will speak kindly and gently to others.  I will - whatever - whatever it is that you choose to change RIGHT NOW.  There is no better time than right now to start new.

My daughter is a good mother, but she, like all of us, have stressful moments and I am using this one incident to make a point about reactions, choices and changes.  We are all in training to be better people.  We all have bad mornings, stressful days, short tempers, sharp tongues and a lack of patience from time to time, but we can all be aware of what is happening - the triggers and our reactions - and choose to change - not tomorrow or next month or at the start of the new year, but today.  By making a conscience decision in the moment and by saying the words of commitment out loud or clearly in our minds, we create a memory that will be triggered the next time we are faced with the same situation.  We make a promise to ourselves and to the Universe that we acknowledge the lesson and are promising to change.

Daily irritations may seem small and not worthy of our attention, but what occurs on any somewhat regular basis accumulates into a heavy cape of negativity that weighs us down and strips us of the positive energy that we need to manifest our desires.  If we can learn to react positively to those negative triggers, or even better, learn to see those negative triggers in a positive way, we can cloak ourselves in positive energy that will protect, energize and inspire us. 

 

What Does It Mean?

I am at a women's retreat at Santa Rosa Beach in the Florida Panhandle.  I've never been this far west in the state and I have never attended a retreat that was longer than a day.  We arrived yesterday at noon and will leave tomorrow at noon.  There are seven of us here: the retreat facilitator Vickie Spray, our massage therapist Katrine, myself and four other women.  None of us is like the other.  We are different ages and sizes and we brought different life experinces to this place.  What we do have in common is our desire to release our fears and our willingness to share and support one another on this two-day spiritual journey.  I am grateful for this opportunity, for Vickie creating this welcoming and safe group, for the lovely home where we are staying and the two women I've never met who created such a warm and inviting space and who are allowing those they don't know to experience it.  I am grateful for all the other women here who are sharing deeply, allowing dark corners of their lives to rise to the surface so we can all heal together.  I am thankful for the hours of self-care we are experiencing through naps, conversations, massages, walks, the beach, laughter, and good food.

In the spring I attended the Spritual Faire at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship in my town where I met a woman selling hand-made beaded bracelets.  Each one was unique - sizes, colors and types of stones and beads varied.  Some had metal beads with letters or numbers etched on them.  She instructed me to think of a request I have for the Universe and then "listen" for the bracelet that spoke to me.  I purchased one with earthy-colored stones, many shaped like half-moons, and a metal bead with an 8 on it, which the woman said was the symbol of prosperity.  It seemed apropos since my request, unspoken and therefore unknown to the  bracelet creator, was for the financial prosperity I need to create a new home and life in Mount Dora.  She put the bracelet on my wrist and told me to wear it 24/7 until it released itself from me.  When that happens, she said, you will know that you no longer need the bracelet.  In spite of being unsure what that meant, I walked away contented with my pretty, unusual bracelet.  I wore it every moment since, until yesterday.  Shortly after arriving at the beach retreat, I was in the bathroom changing into some cooler clothing when my left wrist hit against a towel rack.  It was not a hard hit, but it obviously was enough for my bracelet to "release itself from me".  I watched sadly as the lovely earthy-hued beads dropped to the floor, bouncing and rolling in all directions.  My pretty bracelet was gone.  What did that mean to me?  Do I believe that the bracelet could fulfill a wish?  Does the loss of it mean my wish has been fulfilled?
 
Physical evidence at this time says that I have not achieved the financial prosperity to, as I like to say, Manifest Mount Dora, but perhaps I am on the road, or it will occur soon or maybe I have learned an important lesson that will lead toward that goal.  I am not sure.  I can't help but feel that the releasing of the bracelet during this retreat weekend has some sort of significance.  I look at my left wrist and it seems bare without my unique bracelet and even replacing it with one of the many other bracelets I own seems inadequate. And, yet, I also have a feeling of acceptance that it was time for the bracelet to be released or to release me.  This may all seem so silly, like childish wishful thinking, but yet it feels very strongly significant to me.  I have no idea if the bracelet had any power or any lessons to teach or if I am just projecting more importance to a piece of jewelry than it could possibly have.  But, I do know that, although I miss it,  I feel a sense of completion without it.  After almost five months of wearing the bracelet, I have no answers;  I have only more questions.  But, if this journey of Manifesting Mount Dora has taught me anything, its that progress is only made when we ask questions.  Questions spur the seeking that creates the journey.  I often looked at my bracelet and considered financial prosperity, what that meant to me and what fears I have surrounding that idea.  Maybe the job of the bracelet was to encourage the questions that lead to the seeking that leads to the answers.  Maybe those questions are what led me to this weekend retreat and maybe that is why the bracelet was released or released me.  

Sharing The Energy

I am energetic and excited about my Manifesting Mount Dora project.  I love writing this blog about it.  I love thinking about Mount Dora, visiting there regularly and visualizing our home and life there.  Some days my enthusiasm is higher than others and, although I can usually conjure up at least some positive thoughts about my manifesting enterprise, little help is welcome.  In answer to my desire for help, The Universe provided a class. 

About two or three weeks ago, I was nearly finished reading a book called "Creating Money: Attracting Abundance" by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer - a book I had hesitated reading because of the title - I feared it would be overly materialistic, but that was not the case at all.  In fact, the book looks evenly at abundance from all aspects, not just the money angle.  At the end of each chapter there are exercises called "playbooks", but I had skipped those intending to come back to them later.  To my surprise, as I neared the end of the book, I received a Facebook message from Mary Madeline Day inviting me to a class on that same book.  Her class would run for 12 weeks on Tuesdays.  Tuesdays are not good for me and I emailed her my regrets about not being able to attend.  Since I was the first person to show an interest in the class, she offered to move it to whatever night worked for me.  Not only did I get a great class to help bolster my manifesting enthusiasm, but I was given the opportunity to choose the day of the week for the class! 

Our first class had 13 people in attendance, including Madeline.  Many had not known about the class or decided to attend until late that afternoon and I believe I was the only person, other than Madeline, who had previously read the book.  In fact, most did not even have a copy of the book.  The bulk of our time was spent getting to know one another and sharing why we were there and what we wanted to gain from the class, ending with a meditation.  We had another session last night and I thoroughly enjoyed the entire experience, especially the sharing of experiences and insights.  A standout inspiration for me was when one of my classmates shared that he had been trying to manifest a new mate and he always imagined the needs and desires that she would fulfill for him, seeing himself as the magnet attracting her. During a recent visualization practice, he was inspired to start thinking of her as trying to manifest him and what needs and desires he could answer in her life.  Changing his imagery to include her as a manifestor increased the power he felt when he was doing his visualization.  What a wonderful idea to think not only of me as manifesting something, but also think of that thing or person as manifesting me.  I can imagine a house in Mount Dora waiting for my family and me to fill its emptiness with laughter and love. Since everything is energy, it is easy to imagine even inanimate objects as sending out magnetic rays to attract you at the same time you are engaged in attraction practices on your end.  I loved this idea and am now practicing it regularly. 

This week I managed to manifest a painting into my life.  I took advantage of my grandchildren being gone for two weeks to redecorate my living room and dining room.  I have worked hard on this project which is why I have not been blogging as much.  I am determined to get everything completed before they arrive home on Sunday.  After my mom passed away, I inherited a framed magazine cover that shows a photo of her and another bicycle racer (she was one of the first female bicycle racers).  The frame is of a rather old-fashioned gold style that matches nothing I have, but I was afraid that the magazine cover would disintegrate if I tried to reframe it.  I decided to place it on a wall in my dining room, but it there was too much space around it.  Something else needed to be added, but I had nothing that matched the gold frame.  I shopped and shopped looking for a gold frame that I could use for some other photo I had on hand or a piece of artwork with a gold frame that would be complimentary, but I found nothing.  Soon I fell into the time-is-running-out-I-have-to-get-this-done-NOW mindset, which inevitably leads to poor choices and wasted money.  Time to chill.  So what if I don't finish that one wall before the children return?  Its okay.  So, I let it be, just staring at it from time to time, imagining what might look good there.  Fast forward a few days.  One of my clients is in the process of closing his business and out of the blue he offered to give me one of the paintings in his office.  I never told him this, but for the past 14 years working there I have admired and lusted for that painting.  And, conveniently, it is in a gold frame and is the right size to compliment my mom's photo!  To make it even better, the painting is called "The Grandmother of God" - somehow that seems a fitting name for a piece of artwork to hang next to my deceased mom's photo.  All that time I spent staring at the empty wall space and imagining what would look nice there led to the manifesting of not only a painting that is fitting, but a painting that I have long admired and wished to own.  I think that is really, really cool.

So, if I can manifest a painting, I have no doubt that I can manifest my new life and home in Mount Dora.  And, I will be doing just that as I go to Mount Dora later this month and walk around the town imagining myself living there, when I identify the house that I know is trying to manifest me as its owner and as I trust that all our acquaintances in Mount Dora are wishing to manifest me as their neighbor.  

I Want What I Want When I Want It!

One of the biggest disappointments in life is - well, disappointment. Disappointment is not being happy with a result. To be disappointed one must have expectations. Expectations come from a sense of desire or control. We want something and we do what we can, if anything, to control the process so we obtain our desired outcome. Sometimes we are successful, but often, not. A vacation is ruined because the weather was rainy. Someone else, perhaps undeservedly, got the promotion you wanted. The store sold out of the dress that was perfect for your birthday party. In spite of hours of hard work, your boss did not like your project presentation. Regardless of your constant encouragement, your son does not want to play baseball.


I have been called, with good reason, a control-freak. I am better than I once was, but I still have issues with letting go of control. Trying to always be in control is a sure way to experience disappointment. First, we cannot control everything or, really, very much. Second, we tend to try and control others and that is just plain impossible.


I used to work ridiculously long hours, rarely taking a vacation or days off. I felt like my work life was out of control, but actually I had a great deal of control at work and that was causing me to lose control in other areas of my life. Because I felt like I had little control at home, in spite of Herculean efforts otherwise, I spent more time at work where I had more control. The more I worked, the less control I had elsewhere. A vicious cycle and a life out of balance.


Since I rarely took time off, when I did, I wanted my plans to go exactly as I hoped. Inevitably they did not, which I took as a personal slap in the face from God or The Universe or whomever. If I worked 60 hours a week, the weather should cooperate on my one weekend off, right? And, when it didn't, I was not only disappointed, I was angry, sullen, depressed and inconsolable. How dare life do this to me? I work hard. I deserve my few breaks to be perfect, don't I?


I chose, on some level, to live an unbalanced life. I was not respecting myself, others in my life or all aspects of my life - home, relationships, work, spirit, recreation, etc. - so why would l expect life or The Universe or God to respect me? I honestly thought the weather should conform to my expectations and yet most days I was so busy working or I was so tired, I did not appreciate or even notice the weather.


Expectations, whether reasonable or not, set us up for disappointment. We all experience disappointment, even those of us who are not control-freaks. If disappointment comes your way, you can either go with the flow adjusting your sails to the new wind direction or you can fight against the wind - an effort that will exhaust you but probably not change anything - or you can just give up and be angry, depressed and sullen. Allowing that we all face disappointment because we are human and we want what we want, the only way to survive disappointment unscarred is to adjust your sails and allow the new wind to direct you to some place unexpected. You may have wanted to arrive in Hawaii, but ended up in Seattle - so, enjoy Seattle! You may have wanted the big promotion, but after being overlooked again, you moved on to a new and better position with a different employer. You may have had your eye set on the burgundy living room furniture, but won't the green do just as well, if not better?


My grandkids have reached the age of disappointment. Children until the age of 3 or 4 live in the moment. Their desires are short-lived, easily forgotten. Their memories are short. Disappointment is not a big part of their lives. My grandson is now 5 and he is starting to have desires and remembers what was promised and never delivered. He wanted to go to Dinosaur World and without much consideration I agreed to take him there this summer. As the heat and humidity descended on Florida, I had second thoughts of spending hours walking around an amusement park of fake dinosaurs with two small children, all of us grumpy from heat exhaustion. I suggested a different trip, one that would provide us with a cooler experience. Still living in the moment much of the time, he jumped at my suggestion and off we all went. We had a fabulous time, but days later he started thinking about Dinosaur World and became petulant that we had not gone there, in spite of the great time he had on our alternate vacation. I assured him we will go in the fall, but still he was disappointed. Life was easier for the adults in my household when his memory was shorter and his expectations nonexistent. Now he, and to some extent his younger sister, are beginning to have wants that they remember and when we, or life, do not deliver as requested, disappointment and sometimes tears are the result. They have a long and tear-filled process ahead to learn to let go of expectations and disappointments.


How like small children I am! I want what I want when I want it and I deserve it! But as an adult, I need to realize that what I want may not be best for me at all or at least at this time, like Dinosaur World in the summer. And, as disappointing as that realization is, there is a flip side that is exciting and encouraging. Sometimes what I get is better than what I wanted. Sometimes not getting what I wanted is a blessing. Sometimes I may desire something and it seems impossible to obtain (I have no control) but what I want is for my own good or the good of others in my life, so the obstacles seem to miraculously dissolve. That is manifesting - getting into alignment so your desires are good for you or for others.


I want to Manifest Mount Dora. I am not sitting here idly. I am working on myself and my manifestation through visualization, writing, gratitude and any other life-affirming action I can take. But, I have, with great effort, let go of the hows and whens of the process and although I have a vision of what I want to manifest, I am open to adjusting my sails to a change in wind. If I can continue with this semi-detached attitude, I can avoid disappointment if my vision does not become a reality or if it manifests in a different way or at a different time than what I hope for. And, yet, I want what I want and I still hope to obtain it, but I know, because I am learning and evolving as I skip along this path of Manifesting Mount Dora, the end result of the journey cannot possibly be a disappointment.

7/23/12 Thinking Magically

“And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”   Meister Eckhart

I was thinking a lot about new beginnings recently when I came across this quote.  Seems like many people around me are undergoing major life changes - separations and divorces, moves, unexpected pregnancies, lost jobs, businesses closing, family upheavals, deaths of loved ones.  Many of these changes appear to be negative, bringing pain, confusion, sadness, stress, self-doubt, anger, disillusionment, and disappointment.  Yet, all these changes have the potential to become positive, life-affirming and inspirational.  Most of the negativity that surrounds change stems from fear and when we fear change we cannot view it as something magical.

Fear is normal and healthy, in the correct situation and with the right amount of restraint.
Fear is a warning that an action, situation, desire, or even a thought could produce danger and requires further consideration, or in already dangerous conditions, fear warns us that immediate action is required.  Fear has its place but being in fear should not be anyone’s daily state.

If you are in a situation that is truly dangerous, such as an abusive relationship, try your best to find a way out - ask for help, go to the authorities, search for a way to remove yourself from the dangerous circumstance.  If you are in a dangerous place, such as a crime-ridden neighborhood, you may not be able to leave right now, but you can take many steps to keep yourself as safe as possible and perhaps work toward moving somewhere less dangerous in the future.

But, the fear that surrounds endings and new beginnings is a different type of fear.  Sometimes we just overreact to situations.  We worry incessantly about something that we cannot change or that we cannot even predict.  That form of fear is irrational and extremely unhealthy, often leading to a myriad of illnesses.   Being cautious when dealing with changes, even obviously happy ones, is commendable, but being actually fearful, when you have no identifiable and rational reason for the fear, is not.  Fear holds us back, keeps us stuck, halts our growth and progression, blocks prosperity.

I know a great deal about fear.  I spent most of my adult life fearing change.  I did not look or seem fearful and no one would have described me that way, but fear was my constant companion.  Even recognizably good changes created pangs of fear deep in my core.  Due to fear, I held back, lived small and too cautiously, and watched life pass me by.  Fortunately, I believe I am past that now.  Changes can still cause that catch in my throat, the one that happens just before you muffle a cry, or keep me awake until I hear the morning newspaper delivered at 4 AM, but, it feels more like worry and less like fear.  Worry is not much better than fear, but I find I can control worry more easily than fear.  Fear tends to paralyze me, even when I know what I should do or least when I know I should be doing something, but worry just consumes and annoys me for awhile and disrupts my balance and then usually I can brush it aside and move on.

The people I know going through all those changes have experienced some fear and worry, plus many of those other emotions I named, but they are moving forward, taking positive steps and looking for ways to resolve or accept their situations.  Some dealt with the negative emotions more quickly and more efficiently than the others.  Those who muddled through at a slower rate had bigger lessons to learn, I believe.

The real challenge is knowing “it’s time to start something new” and trusting in the “magic of beginnings”.  I know I tend to concentrate on the ending, rather than the beginning.  A marriage is ending, but a new phase of life is beginning.  A job has ended, but the possibility of a new, better job is beginning.  Focusing on the new beginning can make the ending easier to assimilate.  I know, all that positive thinking stuff is hard to wrap your head around when you are worried about where you will live, how you will pay your bills, and all the many other concerns that come along with changes, especially unexpected, and perhaps unwelcome, changes.  If someone says, “Think positive” you probably want to positively punch them in the gut.

“Think positive” has become trite and annoying.  Perhaps “think magical” is better and more genuine.  I mean, truly, when you are faced with what seems to be a horrible, uninvited, undesired change, thinking positive either seems hopeless or wimpy.  But, “thinking magical” is, well, magical.  We cannot really predict what sort of action or occurrence might happen that could be called magical.  We don’t know how to make magic happen, so we have to let go and let God or The Universe or Source or whomever or whatever take over.  We have to BELIEVE that somehow, someway everything will work out well for all those involved and that in the process we will learn the lessons we need to absorb to move forward in our spiritual progression.

Why is Disney World/Land so popular?  Because it is magical.  You leave your cares and concerns at the gate and enter a place where imagination and magic rule.  I have no idea how all those fun and fantastic Disney experiences are produced, but I don’t need to know nor do I want to know.  If I knew, that wonderful feeling of magic would evaporate like snowflakes on a sunny day.  Sometimes believing in and relying on magic is just what we need.

Of course, we don’t live in Disney World, so walking around we our heads in the clouds thinking that all of our problems will magically go away is not advisable.  We can think magically, meaning that we leave our minds open for unexplained and seemingly magical resolutions to our problems, but we also need to be ready to act when some magic comes our way.  Magic may bring an unbelievable job opportunity to your doorstep, but magic will not give you that much needed job if you do not make the effort to obtain it.  Magic may arrange for you to meet the man/woman of your dreams in the most unlikely of places, but magic cannot create the relationship if you don’t open your mouth and have a conversation.  Thinking magically does not mean thinking stupidly or thinking passively - it means thinking creatively and passionately - being open to new and different ideas, solutions, suggestions and experiences.

My grandchildren think magically every day.  Some of their imaginings are the nonsense of childhood, but some are the thoughts of innocent minds that have not been bullied, beaten down, disappointed and disillusioned - the thoughts that say, “Why not?” or “I believe I can.” or “Who says I can’t?”  They believe in angels, super heroes, fairy princesses and princes and all the wonderful things that go along with those characters.  They believe that good prevails over evil and that there is always a happy ending.  Naive and simple, yes.  But, to me, their innocent beliefs are also inspiring.  Evil may win a lot, happy endings are not promised and fairy-tale characters almost never come to our aid or befriend us, but does it hurt to think that some of those things may happen?  I believe that each of us deserves and receives magic in our lives every day. When we stop believing in that magic, when we stop looking for it and welcoming it, when we stop being grateful for our daily dose of magic, we lose touch with what is the most special and spiritual part of existence. And, then we lose touch with our humanity.


I want to look at life magically.  I want to think magically.  Maybe I am being naive, but maybe I am just being hopeful - hopeful that something I cannot reason my way through, something that causes fear in the pit of my stomach, something that changes my life in ways I cannot immediately accept can magically turn into good.  I want to proactively think magically, too.  I want to believe that magic can create something wonderful in my life.  Manifesting Mount Dora is definitely magically thinking and I am alright with that. I choose to think magically and manifest magically and that is how my home in Mount Dora will be magically created.   

7/13/12 Why Not Now?

A friend asked me, “If you want to live in Mount Dora so much, why don’t you just start looking for a job in that area or look for clients and move your business down there  NOW?” Good, logical question. 

From the start of this Manifesting Mount Dora project I knew that my intention was more than just living in Mount Dora - it was living in Mount Dora in a certain fashion, which for me means being retired or semi-retired or a least not HAVING to work every day.  I want Mount Dora AND freedom from the regular work world as I know it now.  I am relatively happy with my life as it exists at this moment.  I have my own business and make enough to pay the bills and have a little fun.  I enjoy my work, but would not mind moving on to something more creative.  I like my neighborhood and my city.  I am comfortable and happy, but I want to move forward and embrace different experiences in a new stage of life.  I guess if I were miserable in my current situation, doing everything I could to move to Mount Dora would make sense, but that is not the case.  My life has been a long string of compromises.  I have often put my needs and wants aside for everyone else’s.  This time I am focusing more on what I want and, much to my amazement, I know what that is!

I was able to manifest many changes in the past eight years, but most of those came in spite of my not knowing what I wanted or how to get it.  I just put one foot in front of the other, listened to some inner whisperings and was amazed when I was able to create a new life.  Now I know what I want and I believe that what I want is the right path for me.  This whole Mount Dora project is to see if I can rely on the Law of Attraction to manifest what I want or something better.  Most people who want to move can take steps to look for work in a new place, research places to rent or buy and make their relocation happen, and their subsequent life change may or may not be the best thing for them.  It is amazing what we can force to happen when we choose to.  I am choosing not to force anything.  I want to create and to manifest in union with The Universe.  I am open to changes in my plan that will be beneficial to me and I am open to learning that this whole idea might not be best for me.  In the meanwhile, I am learning and growing from the experience and I believe, without a doubt, that the end result will what is best for me.  Of course, at this point, I hope the end result is a home in Mount Dora and a life situation that will not require me to work or not require me to work in a traditional way. 

As I’ve said before, I have no idea how this will unfold, but as before, I am taking one step at a time and listening to my inner messages.  For most of my life, I either did not believe in intuition or inner voices or I was so far off my path I would not have heard or recognized an inner voice that was screaming at me like an angry baboon.  I recently was reading about following your inner nudges and remembered a few times in recent years when I did just that. 

One of those times was when I left my husband and moved from our home in the country to town.  I had a deep intuition that I needed to get out of that situation as soon as possible.  To make that happen, I listened to another inner message that told me who to contact to find a place to live.  After moving, people who love and care about me  encouraged me to file for divorce as soon as possible, forcing my husband to sell our home and share the proceeds with me or pay me my equity in the house so he could retain ownership.  Although I desperately could have used the money, I just could not bring myself to do that.  He did not have the funds to pay out my share of the equity, so the only option was to force him to sell and no matter how morally and legally fair that was, it just did not feel right to me.  I knew our split was hard on him emotionally and financially, I knew that I had made many mistakes that were causing him problems, I knew that he was facing several operations in the not too distant future, and I just could not in good conscience take steps that would force him out of his home - our home.  My inner whisperings said, “Don’t do it.  Wait.”  Family members and friends were upset and frustrated with me because I refused to move forward with a divorce.  I was lectured continually and yet I chose to follow that little voice that said to wait.  As fate would have it, my husband underwent his first of several scheduled operations a little more than two years after we separated and within a few weeks he suffered a blood clot and died.  Now I have no satisfaction in his passing and certainly could not have foreseen that happening, but because I did not divorce him before his untimely death, the house became mine and I was able to sell it and was left with a little equity from the sale.  As a widow, I was able to continue my health insurance, which was through his employer, and I even receive a small pension each month that is not much, but enough to cover the cost of my survivor’s insurance.  Had I listened to people rather than that internal whisper, I would be much worse off right now. 

It was that inner voice that spoke to me the week after Christmas last year when my man and I were in Mount Dora.  We had just walked all around the town enjoying the incredible holiday light displays and were standing in the park on the shore of Lake Dora looking out on the dark lake that was dancing with the reflections of all the many colorful lights in the park and a nearby marina.  The air was crisp.  I felt so alive and happy after our walk.  The lake was peaceful and we stood quietly.  It was during those moments of silence that I heard a little murmuring deep inside.  First, it sounded or felt like the mewing of a contented cat and then that internal vibration increased and I realized the unheard words were telling me that Mount Dora was where I belong.  That softly communicated idea was startling to me.  I’d never thought of living in Mount Dora, but why hadn’t I?  I love it there - we love it there.  It was the prefect home for us!  The more I toyed with the idea, the clearer it became.  Details emerged and I realized that Mount Dora was only part of the plan - the other part was retirement or semi-retirement or some sort of change in livelihood.  All those pieces fit neatly together to create Manifesting Mount Dora.  

7/8/12 Befriend That Mountain!

Its been a crazy weekend - so much happening at once - and the week was crowded, too, like the mall on a rainy day.  I accomplished much, but little of it was on my list of things to do, and most was a complete surprise. 

I receive weekday inspirational emails from the website www.tut.com, which is also known as Notes from the Universe, created by Mike Dooley, an inspirational writer and speaker.  Each Monday through Friday morning, I look forward to my TUT email.  A recent message was:

Want to move a mountain, Becky?

Befriend it.

Call me,
    The Universe

Like so many of the TUT messages, this one made me think.  So, is the mountain I want to move Mount Dora?  No, I don’t think so.  I don’t want to move Mount Dora, I want to embrace Mount Dora by living there.  So, what mountain do I want to move?  The movement has to be where I am right now.  I need to move the mountain that is my current life so I can move forward to the new life I want to create in Mount Dora.  In my last post I talked about physically cleaning and clearing out to make room for new.  I started that, but did not get as far along on the project as I would have liked when I read what The Universe had to say.  Besides, making space, how can I befriend my mountain?

Recently, I’ve been disheartened every time I looked at my living room.  Almost two years ago I wanted to buy new living room furniture, but when the decision was made for my daughter and grandchildren, then 3 ½ and 1 ½, to live with us, I decided, very wisely, it was bad timing for new furniture.  My old pieces, which were already looking worn, have survived nearly two years of additional abuse from a large family, including two small children, and have not aged well.  The children are old enough now that I feel safe buying some “new” furniture, but have put off doing so because I have my mind focused on my future home in Mount Dora.  This week I decided to take the Universe’s advice and befriend my mountain. 

If I am unsatisfied with my current situation, it needs to change in whatever ways, large or small, that I can handle and that will make my life, here and now, more enjoyable and more comfortable.  If that means a change in furniture, then that is one way I can befriend my mountain.  Figuring that “new” was still a challenge with small kids in residence, I opted for used, but new to me.  With the help of a friend, I found a nice sofa and loveseat on Craig’s List and it now sits proudly in my living room.  Only a year old, a year spent with a young couple with no kids and no yen for partying, the set looks new.  My daughter’s brother will replace the glass tops of our current coffee table and two end tables with black marble pieces from his workshop and then we will paint the bases a silvery gray - a nice change from the current tan and gold bases.  A few rearrangements will be made of the existing furniture as I move out a tall wooden shelving unit and decide what to do with another smaller loveseat that does not match the new pieces very well.  I already feel better about our home. 

The Law of Attraction says that it is imperative to live with appreciation in the present even while manifesting the future.  That is a hard concept to understand and to live.  We are usually wanting to manifest something new because we are dissatisfied with what we presently have.  So, how can we befriend what we have, which means to embrace and enjoy it and be grateful for it, when we really want something else?  Tricky, very tricky.  It means identifying what is working, or at least what is not too bad, in our current situation and concentrating on that, trying to make it even better.  It means looking for ways, even little ways, to improve what exists now so we can have a sense of satisfaction and, hopefully, pleasure in the present.  Most of all, it means realizing that our contentment mostly comes from within - from using our abilities to make the best out of any situation.  Sitting and waiting for something in the future is a complete waste of time and totally neglectful of what we have now.  Can The Universe or God trust us with a futuristic something-better if we cannot take care of and make the best of what is our present maybe-not-perfect reality? 

So, my goal is to “HTV” my home.  A little almost-new, some presto-change-o, a bit of re-purposing and a tad of re-arranging and I can make a living space that was looking tired and worn, fresh and inviting.  Yes, ma’am, I can befriend this mountain!  And, by befriending this mountain, I am embracing what is the gift of now.  I am also helping others.  A curb alert led to a young, financially-challenged young man picking up my old furniture as well as a couple of other items I was giving away.  Life is a cycle and moving forward really means moving forward in a circle, not linearly.  I love the thought that what I released has a new home with someone who is appreciating what manifested in his now, even if that something was a little worn.  Perhaps he is befriending his mountain, just as I am.

7/03/12 Living On Standby

I am watching “America’s Got Talent” - not by choice, but because I was resting in the living room while someone else was watching it.  Talent reality shows are a little bit of fun during the first couple of weeks of auditions just because there are some crazily bad performances and a very few amazingly good performances.  After those first few weeks I lose interest because I don’t agree with the decisions of the judges or of “America” and because I usually have something I would rather do.  But, tonight I was struck by the judges decision to review previous performances and then allow some to go through to the next stage of performances, eliminate some entirely and hold others as “standbys”.  The standbys will compete for the “open” positions to move forward in the competition.

Sometimes I feel like I am on standby just like those talent show reality performers.  I am ready to move forward, but for some reason I am being held as a standby.  I am waiting to perform so I can move forward to the next level of competition.  In life, however, I cannot blame the judges.  I am in standby position because I chose not to do what I need to do to move forward with my manifestation and my life. 

I sit here in July, three months and ten days, since I began this Manifesting Mount Dora project.  I am blogging, visualizing, adding to my vison board closet door, keeping a gratitude journal, reading inspiring books, saying affirmations, and visiting Mount Dora and I just don’t feel a sense of movement.  Yes, I know three months and ten days is really not that long, but I want a feeling of forward motion.  So, what can I do to break this feeling of being stuck in the doldrums of summer?

One of the basics of the Law of Attraction is that you have to make room for the new.  Even if the desire of your manifestation has nothing to do with material items, you need to clean out and clear out your life - figuratively and physically.  I look back to the summer of 2004, right before the ending of my “previous life” and the beginning of my present life, and I realize I did a lot of cleaning out, even without realizing what I was doing and how it would affect my future.  Instinctively I knew I needed change, I needed different - anything different.  I was renovating the house I would not live in much longer; I faced the horrible side affects of the depression medication I was on and made a choice to ease off of it (Please know that I am not recommending that anyone stop taking their medications! I eased myself off my medication with the help of a doctor.); I faced many, many problems that were uncontrolled and took steps to figure out how to take charge of and solve them.

So, what can I do now to increase my forward motion?

There are certain unfinished jobs - personal and professional - that I have been avoiding for various reasons and I know now that I must set aside my procrastination and take care of those tasks as soon as possible.  My house is filled to overflowing - partially due to so many people living here and partially due to my reluctance to go through and eliminate what I no longer need or use.  I may not be able to do much about  the overflow due to our large household, but I can do something about my own belongings.

Over the past weekend I made modest progress with my home office space and I tackled and accomplished a work-related task that I have been refusing to face.  Tomorrow is a holiday - the 4th of July - and I plan to use that time to engross myself in another work-related issue that has been hanging over my head for a long while.  Over the upcoming weekend I will clean out my books - and, believe me, I have LOTS of books - and all those little odds and ends of knick-knacks that fill my shelves and tables.  Having some of those trinkets honors memories, but too many are over-kill and I have reached the over-kill stage.  Simplifying is difficult, but necessary, to show the Universe that you are willing and ready to make room for the future.   

I also feel a need to move forward with my writing.  This blog takes more time than I anticipated, but it also excites and fulfills me.  I know I need to be doing more writing and am looking for inspiration and found a little kick-in-the-pants from the book “Bird by Bird - Some Instructions on Writing and Life” by Anne Lamott, one of my favorite writers.  There has to be more time for writing and only I can find those extra moments in each day. 

I have a couple of major personal tasks that are waiting for attention and I am resolved to give my to accomplish those before the end of July.  In fact, the end of July is my goal to have at least 75% of my clearing and cleaning done.
 
This is how I plan to make room for forward motion - to tell the Universe that I am in gear and ready to go.

6/29/12 Fear

I have lived a life of fear.  In recent years, I worked hard to overcome my fears and yet, still, when I have an uncomfortable thought, my throat tightens, my brows draw together with concern, my arms feel weak, my neck tenses, my heartbeat accelerates, I feel slightly dizzy.  Fear, the dis-abler, the thief of sleep, the time and energy waster.  I am facing a fear right now - actually, three.  One is a fear of lack - that I won't have what I need when I need it. One is a fear of loss - a loss that I don't even know will happen.  One is a fear of time - that I won't accomplish what I want in the time I want to accomplish it.


I cannot remember a time when fear, and its companion worry, were not part of my daily life.  I believe my deep roots in fear started when I was three months old and my mother died.  Maybe that baby did not feel fear as I do now, but I am sure she felt loss and perhaps confusion.  When at the age of four my father and step-mother separated, I remember that the little girl felt loss, confusion, sadness and, by then, fear.  Growing up, I did not think the loss of my mother affected me much.  Sure, my life was different than other children's because I did not have a mom, but I was fine, I was strong, I did not need a mother. It was not until, as an adult, I understood that the loss of my mother created an insecurity in me that translated into everything I did or thought.  I feared loss more than anything.  I held on to people, situations and things that were no longer needed and often not beneficial for me. I feared change of any sort and longed for a sense of continuity, solidarity, comfort, and security.  In my mind, security could only come from consistency.  I loved routine.  Being in a rut was comfortable for me.  Knowing what I was going to do from hour to hour was reassuring to me.  In my rut, I felt as though I were in control.  Life could not surprise me because I was in control.  No one could hurt me because I was in control.  Except, I wasn't.  I tried to be, but there is no way to control life. You can try and try, but you cannot control everything that happens every moment.  And, that is when fear sets in. 


As soon as something felt out of control, as soon as an unexpected or unwanted change occurred, as soon as someone followed a different script, the scary physical results of fear would begin.  I had lost control - well, the illusion of control.  I could not predict what would happen.  I had to worry.  Worry was the only alternative because worry would put me back in control - or so I convinced myself.  Worry replaced sleep, food and recreation.  I not only worried myself, but wanted everyone else around me to worry.  What is wrong with them?  Why aren't they worried?  How can they sleep when there is so much to worry about?  How can they watch TV when there is so much to be concerned about?  WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?


On Facebook today someone posted:  Life starts when fear ends.  I know this is true.  In recent years I have learned to push most fears aside and I am successful often, but I still fall into old patterns.  In the time it took me to write this, one of my fears has already dissipated when a lack I feared would occur, did not.  I feel silly.  I have evolved enough to know fear and worry are blocks for manifestation.  I also know the Universe is on my side and I have nothing to fear.  My first reaction is to chastise myself, but that also is not good.  I must remember that growing and learning is a process and as part of that process, I will sometimes regress and I just need to acknowledge my lack of confidence and my backsliding into fear and worry and move forward with more confidence.  

So, I shake out the tension in my neck and the weakness in my arms, I breathe deep and clear the tighteness in my throat.  I smile at myself and thank the Universe for being patient with this work in progress.  


      

6/13/12 Hosting The Angels

A few weeks ago, I attended a class that my yoga instructor was teaching about angels. My previous experiences with organized religions left me reluctant to accept belief in any of the entities that crossover between the teachings of Christian denominations and some of the other spiritual beliefs and practices that I am learning.  I honestly don't know if angels exist, but I want them to and I like the idea of angelic beings who provide spiritual guidance. Since the idea of angels has sparked an interest to know more, I joined the Angel Chatter group on Facebook a few months ago and have been reading about angels.  In the class I learned different theories and ideas about angels and about what purposes they have.  Other class attendees shared interesting stories about angelic interactions in their lives and I left feeling that I lean more to them existing than not. I also left the class agreeing to "Host the Angels" in my home.

Hosting the angels is a spiritual practice that my yoga instructor learned from her friends in New York.  Someone who is currently hosting the angels passes them on to three other people (Sounds a little like those old chain letters, doesn't it?).  The angels reside with each person/family for 5 days and are then passed on to three more people.  They travel and rest for five days and then arrive at the homes of their new hosts.  To host the angels you write down three wishes and put the paper in a sealed envelope, you find three more people who are willing to host the angels after you and write their names and addresses on another sheet of paper and place it in an envelope, and you prepare an altar consisting of the two envelopes, a white candle, an apple and a white flower, bouquet of white flowers or live plant with white flowers. The angels arrive at 10:30 PM on the designated day, which is five days after they left the last host, and you greet them by opening your door and reading a welcoming statement.  They reside with you for five days and leave at 10:30 PM on the last day.  There is a small good-bye ceremony that consists of opening your door, thanking them for visiting and for granting your three wishes (this is done with the belief that the wishes will be granted), reading the names of the next three hosts, then burning your envelopes and eating the apple.  

I have no idea how this hosting practice started or why.  A Google search revealed that there are various angel hosting traditions that vary in the number of days the angels stay and what, if anything, needs to be done to welcome them or to prepare an altar.  Some of the other hosting practices sound easier with little or nothing to be done or to prepare, but I like the idea of the altar and the preparation and ceremony involved - maybe that is my old Catholic upbringing, but there is something soothing, grounding and peaceful about a spiritual practice whether it is preparing an altar, meditating, chanting, or any other such ceremony.  Others had more specific and detailed instructions, such as what types of wishes you can request (one for Mother Earth, one personal and one for your family), how to write and word your wishes, when and how long to burn the white candle and one even said that your house must be clean and tidy.  I like that the hosting I did had some instruction and ceremony, but not too much, allowing for some personal expression and not making the process too rigid or complicated.  One angel hosting I read about named specific angels who come to visit:  Archangels Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel and Metatron. I don't know who visits but any angel is welcome!  

I enjoyed my experience of hosting the angels. Each morning I lit the candle and sounded my Tibetan Singing Bowl, a personal touch I added, and wrote in my journal.  The candle stayed lit during the day as long as it was safe to do so and someone was around to watch it (the candle can be replaced with an electrical or battery-powered white light if you prefer).  This version of the hosting ceremony does not require any daily practice other than using the candle or light, but adding some of your own favorite practices makes the experience more personal.  If you pray, chant, journal or meditate, doing so near the altar seems to intensify the practice.  I truly felt my home was more peaceful during the five days I hosted the angels and when I passed them on to the next three people, I felt a little sad as if a good friend had come to visit and then left.  

Most people are interested in hosting the angels for the benefit of the three wishes.  My yoga teacher said one of her three wishes was granted soon after the angels left her home. One of my wishes was very specific and I asked that it be granted by a certain date. Until asking for the angels' assistance, I had no hope that this wish would come to pass at all and certainly not by that date.  Two days after the angels' departure what I wanted came to pass.  Did the angels grant it or would the same thing have happened if I had not hosted the angels?  Who knows?  Now, I wait patiently for my other two wishes - one of which was not time limited and which I think is slowly being realized and the other which has a time limit several months in the future and which has not been granted as of yet.  

My partner, who is a skeptic at heart and veers away from anything very spiritual in nature, also felt a difference while I was hosting the angels and liked the atmosphere in our home during those five days.  He ended up hosting the angels himself and now I am hosting them for a second time.  

All of this might be hokey hogwash.  Anything I felt or thought I felt might have been my imagination.  The wish that came true may have come true anyway.  I cannot say that any of those statements are untrue and I really don't care.  I ENJOYED the practice.  I FEEL better for having hosted the angels. That's all I need and all I want. After all, do any of us truly KNOW what is out there in the Universe?  Do any of us truly understand why or how we and this world came into existence?  We may BELIEVE many things or nothing, but what do we KNOW, truly KNOW?  I know what I feel, what I experience.  I cannot confirm or deny what you feel and experience and you cannot deny my feelings or experiences.  This life we each live is personal and we relate to one another through our personal experiences and understandings. 

One of my wishes, as you may have guessed, was about manifesting my retirement and my new home in Mount Dora.  I believe that manifestation is my responsibility, but I will accept the help of any angels who want to assist me!  Let's see what happens. . . 

6/6/12 Synchronicity & Inspiration

My last post was called “Illuminations”.  That word was in my mind when I awoke from an afternoon nap on Sunday and I heard it in my mind over and over the rest of the day.  Not knowing why that word visited me, I thought about what illuminations meant to me and quickly associated it with those moments of great clarity and synchronization that come into being when I’m on an inspired path.  After writing my blog about illumination, I reached for a book to read before going to sleep.  By my bed sit three or four books that I am actively reading at any given time and another six or more books that I plan to read.  One of the newest books in my stack was “The Twelfth Insight” by James Redfield.  You may remember that the first step on this path of learning about the Law of Attraction was when my man gave me the book “The Celestine Prophecy” by the same author and the first in what would become a series with “The Twelfth Insight” the most recent addition.  Not long ago, I saw the book in a store and it called to me, so I had no choice but to bring it home (Other avid readers and book purchasers will understand exactly what I mean!).  I was knee-deep in three other books and had many more waiting in line, so I had no intention of reading my newest purchase for quite awhile.  But, Sunday night “The Twelfth Insight” called to me just as it had in the bookstore, so I had not choice but to pick it up and start reading.  I quickly realized that the book was about what I called illumination in my blog and what Redfield names synchronicity, based on the writings of Dr. Carl Jung.  Reading that book was the next step on my path and was the perfect follow-up to my blog. 

My point is that if you are open to synchronicity, it will happen.  One unexpected step follows another.  A word leads to a blog leads to a book leads to. . .what?  I am not sure yet, but I have no doubt that its all leading somewhere, to something that is part of my manifestation process.  Reading “The Twelfth Insight” has reminded me that I am a little off track when it comes to my Manifesting Mount Dora project.  Understandably so, I think, with all that’s happened in my life recently, but still its time to reconnect with my manifestation project. 

It has been two months since we’ve been to Mount Dora.  Time to reconnect with my home-to-be!  Even my man mentioned, without knowing I was thinking the same thing, that he was missing Mount Dora.  So, we now have plans to spend three days there this month.  I have been neglecting my Optimist Creed and my affirmations - time to reintroduce those to my daily routine.  I wrote in another post about the guided meditation that I discovered and which helped me with my sleeping problems, but, for some unknown reason, I failed to do the meditation for a whole week.  And, yes, my insomnia quickly returned.  I am proud to say that I have meditated the last three nights and have slept soundly and greeted the morning feeling rejuvenated and energetic. 

When I first started these posts back in March I wrote about how manifesting requires high energy levels so eating better and exercising are important.  I did fairly well with that commitment, but once my stress levels reach mountaintop heights, my healthier diet took a hiatus. And, when the Floridian summer heat and humidity took up residence, my willingness to walk regularly waned - my three-to-four-times-a-week walks became one or two, maybe, and even those were shorter and less strenuous.  During the school year, I was getting up 45 minutes earlier than usual to see my grandson off to school, usually preparing his breakfast as well.  His school ended last Friday and since I am accustomed to getting up earlier and since I am meditating again and waking up with energy, I started walking in the morning before the heat and humidity settle in turning each day into a Turkish steam bath.  I’ve also been eating more fruits and vegetables and opting for local and organic produce when possible.

When faced with stress and grief, it is easy, and understandable, that we get sidetracked from our goals and our commitments.  There is only so much we can deal with at one time.  But, as soon as possible, it is important to return to our healthy and spiritual practices.  One of my main sources of stress was my mom’s missing Last Will and Testament.  Without it, handling and settling her estate and financial affairs was going to be difficult, time-consuming and emotionally draining.  Friends in her state had been searching for it since her death in late April. By late May, we were all beginning to wonder if, in spite of what she’d told us, the will actually existed (none of us had ever seen it).  On the Sunday before Memorial Day, I decided to ask my angels and the Universe for help and I put out a request that my mom’s will be located before the end of May, which was just four days away.  Three days later I received a call - her will was found. 

Another interesting story of synchronicity happened last month.  In mid-May I met a young woman, who had recently moved to Gainesville.  She told me she was a writer and she specifically mentioned poetry.  Wild Iris Bookstore hosts the Feminist Poetry Open Mic once a month and I told my new acquaintance about the group.  She promised to be at the next show and asked if I read my poems there.  I told her that although I attend the Open Mic and love the poetry readings, I had not written poetry in 30 years or more and that most of my poetry writing was done when I was in high school and college.  She chastised me for not writing.  “I write, though,” I objected, “Just not poetry.  I write a blog and stories and I journal.”  Those words did not satisfy her and she gave me an assignment to write a poem about the last 30+ years and read it at the next Open Mic.  I laughed to myself, thinking that I had enough pressure in my life without feeling obligated to write a poem at the command of someone I’d just met.  I did think about it though, several times, but no inspiration came to me and I pushed aside the nagging thoughts.  Over the Memorial Day weekend, when I was house and animal sitting for friends in the country and had plenty of time to relax, I again thought of her assignment, but was not inspired to write.  I asked the Universe to inspire me if writing a poem was what I should do.  Two days later, three hours before the Open Mic, the inspiration arrived and I wrote:

      
                  "I Used To Write Poetry"
   
        I used to write poetry, I said,
        Long, long ago.
        A different lifetime.
        A younger time, a time of war.
        You know,
        War creates emotion;
        Emotion creates poems,
        Back then, but not now.
        Oh, sure, we do have a war
        Now.
        But war poetry is for the young,
        And I am no longer young.
        So, she said, write of the last 35 years.

        Hmm, I thought.
        You mean,
        The time after that war,
        Before this war,
        And the one before,
        And the one before that?
        Hmm, what happened over those 35 years?

        We ended THAT war,
        The war that tore us apart.
        We swore there'd never be another,
        But there were
        Others,
        Too many others.
        We started some, ended some,
        And have one
        That lasts
        Forever.
        Hmm, what happened over those 35 years?

        Cocaine was fashionable
        And then not.
        Crack was in
        And then out.
        Even heroin made a comeback,
        Just like Steven Tyler.
        Now there's meth,
        And, Red Bull.
        Hmm, what happened over those 35 years?

        Disco was in,
        Then out.
        Now Barry Gibb
        and Donna Summer
        Are dead.
        Just like disco.
        Country was in,
        Then not.
        They say
        The Rhinestone Cowboy
        Lives in Tokyo now
        And sometimes visits and
        Dances on the streets of Manhattan.
        Hmm, what happened over those 35 years?

        Oh, yeah,
        We were attacked!
        How dare they!
        We were frightened.
        Not us!
        We were vengeful.
        So American!
        We fought back
        Well, we fought someone,
        Maybe not the right someone,
        But someone.
        We have to fight someone,
        To regain our dignity.
        Now we have a war that never ends,
        And it may not be the right war,
        But is is OUR war, dammit!
        The war to regain our dignity.
        Hmm, what happened over those 35 years?

        We got rich and then very poor,
        And we got sad,
        Then very mad.
        We came together,
        To be torn apart by
        Politicians and
        Policemen,
        Like Ohio State,
        Berkeley,
        The Summer of Love.
        But, now its Zuccoti Park
        Times Square
        And San Diego.
        And, and. . .

        Funny, not that much has changed,
        After all,
        In 35 years.
        And, I guess,
        After all,
        You don't have to be young
        To write of war.
        But, you do have to be young
        To fight a war.
        That has not changed.
        35 years, 35 YEARS!
        And, sadly,
        Nothing much has changed.


Oddly, my new friend did not come to the Open Mic, so she missed hearing my poem.  We had become Facebook friends so I sent the poem to her in a Facebook message, but she has not responded.  In fact, she has not posted anything on Facebook since the week we met.  Maybe I will encounter her again or maybe not.  Perhaps, she appeared just to be my inspiration angel - another piece of synchronicity in this unwinding tale of manifestation. 

5/27/12 Aunt Helen & Manifesting Mount Dora

My Aunt Helen was 99 when I stayed with her for five days while my aunt and uncle, her next door neighbors and caregivers, took a short vacation to Tennessee.  Just like my mom, she was not my “real” aunt, but my step-aunt and yet I was closer to her than any of my “real” family.  Aunt Helen lived to be 104 and she lived an inspirational life. 

She was born on a farm in upstate Maine, miles from the nearest town.  Her older brother was like their father - a hard-working, practical, no-nonsense Yankee man.  He would take over the farm as he matured and raise his own family of four children there.  He asked for little and lived what some may call a small life - rarely leaving the county where he was born and raised.  But, Aunt Helen was never meant for a small life.  She was her mother’s darling.  Aunt Helen wore crinoline dresses and hair-bows of colors that rivaled the spring wildflowers in the fields that surrounded their old farmhouse - a house that lacked indoor plumbing and electricity until Aunt Helen was already middle-aged herself.  In spite of a difficult and meager life on the farm, her mother managed to buy a piano and music lessons for Aunt Helen and to send her to a boarding school/secretarial college where she graduated at the top of her class. 

In the early 1900's it was unusual for women to be educated past high school, if they even made it that far, and in rural Maine, it was simply scandalous for a young lady to study for a career of any sort.  Fortunately, Aunt Helen’s mother and Aunt Helen thought otherwise.

She left northern Maine and settled in the Portland area, living in boarding houses where adventurous career women were chaperoned and carefully monitored.  She moved up in the secretarial world, always accepting positions with more responsibility and a better salary.  During World War II, she was executive assistant to the president of the Bath Iron Works where most of the nation’s warships were manufactured, earning the highest salary of any woman in the state of Maine.  She had graduated from boarding homes to a house of her own and lived a happy, successful life as an unmarried 30-something-year-old. She finally did marry, but not until sometime in her late 30's or early 40's.  Her husband had been married before (I never knew if he was widowed or divorced) and had grown children.  He was a very successful insurance agent who retired early due to a heart condition.  They spent their summers at their  lovely, but simple cabin-like home on a lake in Camden and winters in Boca Raton, Florida where they owned a lovely, but simple ranch-style house near a canal.  I only recall seeing Uncle Laraine once.  I was three years old and I have a very vivid mental photograph of riding in a motor boat on their lake.  Uncle Laraine is at the wheel and my father is standing next to him.  I am in the back of the boat with someone else - perhaps my step-mom or one of my older sisters.  We are pulling away from the dock where Aunt Helen stands waving good-bye.  She is wearing a peach-colored, slightly-flared shirtwaist dress, stockings, white pearls and white pumps - classic Aunt Helen attire.  A few months later Uncle Laraine died of a massive heart attack - sad, but not unexpected. 

Because of their late-in-life marriage, Aunt Helen and Uncle Laraine had no children and she seemed fine with that.  She chose a different life than most women her age and she had no regrets.  After her husband’s passing, Aunt Helen sold the lake home in Maine and became a permanent resident in Florida.  She was in her early 50's at the time and well-off financially due to Uncle Laraine’s successful insurance career and his generous life insurance policy, but she chose to return to work as an executive secretary for a small, prosperous insurance agency.  She continued to work there until she was in her mid-70's and, in fact, helped to computerize the office before going part-time and then retiring altogether. 

While working, she spent her vacation time taking cruises and trips around the world.  After her retirement, she did the same, but more often and for longer periods of time.  She visited most U.S. states and a great portion of Canada, all the European and Scandinavian countries, much of Asia, Australia and New Zealand, and countless islands in the Atlantic, Pacific, Caribbean and Mediterranean. 

She lived well, but not extravagantly.  She sold the Boca Raton home and purchased one of the first apartments in a new condominium three blocks from the beach in Pompano.  She served on the board of directors there for many years, holding every possible position. 

Her politics and her financial investments were conservative and she was up-to-date on all the world and national news stories.  She smiled broadly, laughed often, marveled at other people and at life, loved deeply but at a comfortable distance, and her appearance was always impeccable.

I quoted Aunt Helen in an earlier blog post: “Most, if not all, of the world’s problems can be solved with good manners.”  She lived those words.  I never heard her say a sharp word or raise her voice.  Her manners were faultless even when responding to boorishness, incivility, sarcasm, arrogance and just plain bad behavior.  She truly was a “lady”.

That five-day period I spent with her when she was 99 is one of my happiest memories.  I was able to know her on a much deeper level.  We shopped for shoes (she loved shoe-shopping), we ate at quaint sandwich cafes near the beach, we bought new wall-paper for her dining room, we sat side-by-side and read in silence for hours,  we talked and laughed - a lot. 

So what does Aunt Helen have to do with Manifesting Mount Dora?  She is my inspiration.  She lived her life as she saw fit, not as society or others dictated.  She accomplished what others thought a poor farm girl from northern Maine could not.  She did not acknowledge or even listen to the bubble-bursting comments made about her career dreams.  She showed no fear and constantly, consistently moved forward on her path.  Her plans pushed no one aside and she stepped on no one as she moved forward.  She just did her best and she believed that she could achieve her dreams.  Optimism was her trademark.  When Hurricane Andrew was taking aim at South Florida, her condominium building was evacuated to a shelter in the local high school.  Although she was having terrible stomach discomfort, that would later prove to be a cancerous tumor, she talked about her evacuation experience as if it were a Disney World vacation - “The Red Cross workers were so kind and helpful”, “The cot where I slept was comfy”, “They gave us delightful little plastic bowls of fruit for dessert”, “We had fun playing cards”.  Not a complaint, not a whine. 

At 86 a massive lump was discovered hidden away under her right breastbone.  It was her first experience with a serious illness and family members were already writing her obituary - “She has no idea what she will have to go through”, “At her age, she will never make it”, “She’s lived a good life.”  Fortunately, she was not through living that good life.  After two radical mastectomies, her doctor said he had never seen anyone heal so quickly.  He marveled at her positive attitude, her strength of will and her impervious nature.  She was sent home from the hospital with a home-care nurse.  After three days of being told she needed to stay in her nightgown and bathrobe because getting dress would be too painful, she told the nurse to leave the room for awhile and thirty minutes later she emerged fully dressed, including stockings, pumps and pearls.  The nurse was reassigned to another patient two days later.  After her Hurricane Andrew evacuation experience, Aunt Helen finally sought medical advice about her stomach discomfort.  A large tumor was removed and again she defied odds with her amazing recovery and her eternally optimistic approach to her healing process.  She just would not allow herself to believe that she would do anything but heal speedily and completely.  In her 90's, a fall at a supermarket left her with broken bones in her arm, but she recovered and was hand-hemming her clothes a month later.  Another fall at 103 left her with a weakened arm and she moved to a nursing home where she finally decided she had lived long enough, done enough, been enough places, loved enough.  She died of “old age” - no ailment, no disease - just because she was not fond of her new living arrangements and because once she could not go to concerts, plays and movies anymore and when she was no longer able to play her beloved bridge twice a week with her decades-younger friends, she knew it was time to move on to her next spiritual adventure.  She was not sad or angry or disappointed.  She was ready.  She just let go and over the period of a few weeks, she turned into the old woman that 103 previous years could not create.  She made it a few days past her 104th birthday.  That was enough. 

Aunt Helen would love my Manifesting Mount Dora project.  She would say it is “delightful”, declare it “great fun” and spur me on with her own enthusiasm.  She knew nothing of the Law of Attraction or manifesting or anything of the other new-Agey stuff that surrounds my work-in-progress, but she would support me nonetheless and I am sure would find some of my “putting it out in the Universe” faith similar to her own unwavering optimism.  She would come to visit me in Mount Dora, too, and we would shop for shoes and eat in quaint little cafes and we would talk and laugh - a lot.  

5/08/12 Manifesting a Maelstrom

My life has been in turmoil - not just the passing of my mother and the associated emotions and matters to handle, but also a firestorm of problems in my household.  For the last few days, I’ve been living on a never-stopping, never-slowing-down roller coaster of emotions.  Several times, I thought my life, as it is now, would change forever and in a way that seemed like a huge personal loss.  Perhaps all the craziness was energies of the extra large full moon on Saturday, perhaps it was the result of some long-marinating passive-aggressive behavior in my home.  A shake-up was long overdue.  The smoke has settled and, with the exception of a few emotional scars, we are all still alive and all still together. 

After telling a friend about some of the drama, she said, “You manifested a maelstrom!”  Probably an overstatement, but not too far off base.  When I put forth my Manifesting Mount Dora request to the Universe, I was asking for change.  When I began my search for positivity in all areas of my life, I was asking for change.  We cannot always see all the bits and pieces that have to be altered to bring about the needed changes that will allow a requested desire to manifest.  Just changing ourselves may not be enough.  If areas of your life are marbled with negativity caused by others, they will probably experience a shake-up, too.  To allow your manifestation, the Universe will help open a positive pathway and maybe those with negative attitudes who were traveling with you will be pushed in a different direction.  Of course, this also allows them to make positive changes for themselves, but if they choose not to, you may part ways.  So, in essence, you may be unintentionally “manifesting a maelstrom”.  You/me did not plan it or consciously ask for it and will not enjoy it, but the maelstrom will come nonetheless.  Sounds rough and, believe me, it has been.  Sounds a little unfair, but the Universe is just doing what was requested. 

I am still not sure how to deal with the fallout of the maelstrom and am not even sure the upheaval has ended.  All I can do is work to stay grounded, rested and positive - all very difficult right now - and hope that those I love will do the same and continue on the same path as me. 

I received the following email from The Secret website and shared it with someone:

A Secret Scrolls message from Rhonda Byrne
Creator of The Secret

From The Secret Daily Teachings

To allow the Universe to move you in your life to happier and better things, you are going to need to look around you and appreciate the good things here and now. Seek the beautiful things and count the blessings of where you are. Dissatisfaction will not bring the happier and the better into your life. Dissatisfaction roots you to the spot where you currently are, but appreciation for what you have attracts the happier and better to you.
Remember that you are a magnet! Appreciation attracts appreciation!

May the joy be with you,
Rhonda Byrne
The Secret... bringing joy to billions

My sharing seems to have made a difference and making a difference is really what we should be manifesting.  Making the difference in the lives of those we love.  Making a difference in the world.  Those are the true manifestations of life.  Share a positive email, smile at a stranger, hug someone, cry with someone, let someone cry with you.  Make a difference.  Mount Dora may be my goal, but making a difference, I hope, will be my legacy. 

4/8/12 Mount Dora Morning

Our stay in Mount Dora is coming to an end.  Just a couple of morning hours left before we load the car and head north.  The morning is cool, but the heavy breeze that was constant for two days has abated.  As soon as the sun is higher in the sky, the temperature is sure to reach the high 80's.  I awoke to the chiming of Easter morning church bells, but now, other than an occasional passing car on this quiet street and the twittering of birds, the only sound is the soft taping of my computer keys.

The time here has been good.  The petty irritations that followed us were blown away in the stiff lake winds.  My man and I have fallen into the softness that surrounds this town.  Many long, long walks have left us comfortably tired.  We spent precious time with our friends who own or work at the Cuban restaurant where we dined twice.  We choose to eat there at off-hours when the owner and the staff are not busy, allowing us to have leisurely conversations with them.  On Friday morning, before her shop opened for business, we visited with the owner of my favorite women’s boutique and again yesterday when I shopped there.  She and I recently became friends on Facebook and I look forward to strengthening our friendship when we move here.  

An important part of manifesting is to act and talk as if your desires are already plans in progress.  The details are inconsequential.  We need not be bothered with all the hows and whens; we just need to live as though our dreams are happening right now because they are.  Right now, everything we do and say is part of the manifestation process.  With our shop owner friend and the owner and staff at the Cuban restaurant, we shared our plans to move here and my man even invited them to our future Mount Dora home for an Argentine asado (cookout).  I know all the pieces and parts will fall together in time. 

Now seems a good time to review how my commitment to positivity is progressing.  Since March 20th, the first day of my Manifesting Mount Dora project, I only missed one day of writing in my Gratitude Journal.  New posts to my blog appear every two to three days just as I planned.  I am listening to more music which soothes the rough edges of my hours.  I also bought and listen frequently to a CD call “Music to Inspire Positive Thinking Scientifically Designed by Dr. Lee R. Bartel”.  I bought the CD at an independent bookstore.  It was in one of those electronic displays where a sample of each CD for sale can be heard with the press of a button.  I did not know about Dr. Bartel and I had no opinion as to whether or not music can be scientifically designed for positive thinking, but I liked the gentle tunes and figured listening to the melodic sounds certainly was relaxing and so could possibly have the ability to inspire positive thinking.  Since then, I Googled Dr. Bartel and found that he is a Professor of Music and Assistant Dean at the University of Toronto and is the Acting Director of the Music and Health Research Collaboratory.  He teaches graduate classes in Music and the Brain and the Social Psychology of Music and certainly seems qualified to design music for positive thinking.  A quick visit to Amazon.com revealed that he also has CD’s to promote rejuvenation, stress relief and relaxation. 

I stay focused on being positive and search for ways to promote happiness and a sense of well-being in my life.  Tonight, we will attend a Crystal Bowls Concert and Mediation in our current hometown.  If you have never experienced the sounds of crystal bowls, I highly recommend searching for a musician who uses them in your area or downloading/buying some crystal bowl music from a website.  The sounds will touch your soul and give you a deep feeling of peace.  So, the concert tonight is one more step on my journey to “be peace” which is also part of my journey to Manifesting Mount Dora.  It is all related.   

I continue reading positive and inspiring books.  While at the same independent bookstore where I bought Bartel’s CD, I also picked up a used book called “The Architecture of All Abundance - Seven Foundations to Prosperity” by Lenedra J. Carroll, which I started as soon as I finished re-reading The Secret.  Carroll’s book is wonderfully entertaining, informational and inspirational.  I want to share a biblical quote from her book that seems very appropriate for this Easter morning. 

    Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin; and yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
    Wherefore, if God so clothes the grass of the field - which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven - shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith.
    Therefore take no thought, saying, "What shall we eat?" or,"What shall we drink?" or, "Wherewithal shall we be clothed?" for the God of your Being knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
    Seek them not, nor be of doubtful mind but rather seek ye first the kingdom of your God, and in his righteousness all of these things shall be added unto you, for it is God's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.     Matthew 6:28-33, Luke 12:27-31

Being more of a spiritual nature and not a religious one, I use that quote in a non-preachy sense.  In my church-going days, those words were read aloud many, many times, but not until I read them in Carroll’s book did I notice “the God of your Being and “the kingdom of your God”.  To me that just confirms my belief that we all have our own spiritual path and you may walk with the Judeo-Christian god or with the many Hindu gods or with Buddha or you may connect spiritually with an all encompassing Universe, but we still are lilies of the field and we should live in faith that we will be cared for as they are. 

I will end with another quote from “The Architecture of All Abundance”:

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way that it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want.”     —Margaret Young

I find a correlation between “. . .seek ye first the kingdom of your God, and in his righteousness all these things will be added unto you” and “You must be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want.” 

Perhaps, just perhaps, being who we are meant to be and doing what we love to do is the way we are to seek the kingdom of God.  What do you think?