I am overwhelmed by all the wonderful words of encouragement that I received after my last two rather "down" posts. I appreciate everyone who commented and who contacted me.
I know my last two posts were depressing and reeked of defeat and surrender, but I don't apologize for what I wrote because it was true to how I felt and still feel. I do, however, apologize if my words made anyone else feel defeated or hopeless - that was never my intent. I am just trying to write as honestly as I can about my experiences during this Manifesting Mount Dora project. My experiences - good or bad - are MY experiences, not yours. My experiences may be stemming from who-knows-what from years ago or even karma from a past life, if that is possible. Perhaps, I am just not very good at manifesting or I am too old or too tired to be engaged so deeply in manifesting. Maybe what I wanted to manifest was not right for me, maybe the timing was wrong. I hope any of you who are also in the midst of a manifesting project find great success and I beg you not to be discouraged by my experiences. In fact, I hope you will prove that you can manifest anything you want. How happy I would be to know that someone who read this blog was inspired to start their own manifesting project and reached great success with it.
My feelings have not changed much since my last post, although I have a stronger sense of acceptance. I still feel this project is either dead or, at least, dormant, which does not necessarily mean I will stop writing this blog, although I may write less often. Even a death is a process, so I am not quite through with this project yet. I also do not dismiss the chance of a rebirth - like a phoenix from the ashes. Right now, I don't know, and I really can't even think about, how it could possibly come back to life. Someone commented that she believed I was reaching my "tipping point" and that I would still experience success. Thank you, Christine, for that encouragement and I hope your statement proves to be true.
In spite of the sadness I am left with now, I know, without a doubt, that I am blessed. I have a wonderful family, a decent business that may not be my passion but certainly is interesting and rewarding in its own way, many true friends, fairly good health, a comfortable home in a nice neighborhood, many books to read, the wonderful town of Mount Dora to visit and a host of other blessings. I may be down, but I am not ungrateful. I still love and appreciate the laughter of my grandchildren and their unfettered hugs and kisses; conversations with my daughter, usually late at night, and her radiant smile; the warm touch of my man and the laughter he brings into my life; my friends who support and love me no matter what; the wagging tales of my dogs and the loud greetings from my cat; the work that pays the bills and gives me satisfaction; long walks; trips to New Jersey, New York City and Mount Dora; books and more books to read; movies that make me feel warm and happy; and so much more. I did not start the Manifesting Mount Dora project because I was unhappy or dissatisfied - I started it because I wanted something a little more and as an experiment to see if I could manifest something big without "making" it happen.
Unfortunately, as we grow older there are fewer years, and especially good years, left for the realization of a dream. During the past eight years of my "new life", I've had other dreams, ones that I was not so focused on, but ones that did fill my imagination for prolonged periods of time, and those did not come to realization either. I deeply feel the passing of time now and I know that eight years is a small portion of 58 years, but they are a huge portion of this later stage of my life. I also know my energy is not what it was even eight years ago and perhaps I would no longer even be able to physically participate in the dreams I once had. Fifty-eight is not old and I don't feel like I am ready for a nursing home, but I do feel different than I did even a year ago. That is hard for me to admit, but it is true.
My man told me I am needed by many. That has been true all my life. I've always been "taking care" of others - human and animal - personal and professional. The new life I imagined in Mount Dora interested me, in part, because I hoped to concentrate a little more on what I want to do, not on what needs to be done. But, I guess what I want to do is not what I am supposed to be doing. Fortunately, what I am doing, has rewards.
I don't have answers. I am just here, living one day at a time, and trying very hard to not think about what I have spent so much time thinking about during the last eight months.
I know my last two posts were depressing and reeked of defeat and surrender, but I don't apologize for what I wrote because it was true to how I felt and still feel. I do, however, apologize if my words made anyone else feel defeated or hopeless - that was never my intent. I am just trying to write as honestly as I can about my experiences during this Manifesting Mount Dora project. My experiences - good or bad - are MY experiences, not yours. My experiences may be stemming from who-knows-what from years ago or even karma from a past life, if that is possible. Perhaps, I am just not very good at manifesting or I am too old or too tired to be engaged so deeply in manifesting. Maybe what I wanted to manifest was not right for me, maybe the timing was wrong. I hope any of you who are also in the midst of a manifesting project find great success and I beg you not to be discouraged by my experiences. In fact, I hope you will prove that you can manifest anything you want. How happy I would be to know that someone who read this blog was inspired to start their own manifesting project and reached great success with it.
My feelings have not changed much since my last post, although I have a stronger sense of acceptance. I still feel this project is either dead or, at least, dormant, which does not necessarily mean I will stop writing this blog, although I may write less often. Even a death is a process, so I am not quite through with this project yet. I also do not dismiss the chance of a rebirth - like a phoenix from the ashes. Right now, I don't know, and I really can't even think about, how it could possibly come back to life. Someone commented that she believed I was reaching my "tipping point" and that I would still experience success. Thank you, Christine, for that encouragement and I hope your statement proves to be true.
In spite of the sadness I am left with now, I know, without a doubt, that I am blessed. I have a wonderful family, a decent business that may not be my passion but certainly is interesting and rewarding in its own way, many true friends, fairly good health, a comfortable home in a nice neighborhood, many books to read, the wonderful town of Mount Dora to visit and a host of other blessings. I may be down, but I am not ungrateful. I still love and appreciate the laughter of my grandchildren and their unfettered hugs and kisses; conversations with my daughter, usually late at night, and her radiant smile; the warm touch of my man and the laughter he brings into my life; my friends who support and love me no matter what; the wagging tales of my dogs and the loud greetings from my cat; the work that pays the bills and gives me satisfaction; long walks; trips to New Jersey, New York City and Mount Dora; books and more books to read; movies that make me feel warm and happy; and so much more. I did not start the Manifesting Mount Dora project because I was unhappy or dissatisfied - I started it because I wanted something a little more and as an experiment to see if I could manifest something big without "making" it happen.
Unfortunately, as we grow older there are fewer years, and especially good years, left for the realization of a dream. During the past eight years of my "new life", I've had other dreams, ones that I was not so focused on, but ones that did fill my imagination for prolonged periods of time, and those did not come to realization either. I deeply feel the passing of time now and I know that eight years is a small portion of 58 years, but they are a huge portion of this later stage of my life. I also know my energy is not what it was even eight years ago and perhaps I would no longer even be able to physically participate in the dreams I once had. Fifty-eight is not old and I don't feel like I am ready for a nursing home, but I do feel different than I did even a year ago. That is hard for me to admit, but it is true.
My man told me I am needed by many. That has been true all my life. I've always been "taking care" of others - human and animal - personal and professional. The new life I imagined in Mount Dora interested me, in part, because I hoped to concentrate a little more on what I want to do, not on what needs to be done. But, I guess what I want to do is not what I am supposed to be doing. Fortunately, what I am doing, has rewards.
I don't have answers. I am just here, living one day at a time, and trying very hard to not think about what I have spent so much time thinking about during the last eight months.
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