Get Closer

My man and I recently had a week's vacation, which included the Memorial Day Holiday, in New Jersey and New York City.  We normally take this trip only in the fall, but decided to make an additional springtime trip this year.  As usual, we stayed with his loving mother in New Jersey and took the train each day (that weather would allow and we did have some nasty weather while we were there) into Manhattan.  In spite of weather challenges, we had a good time and a wonderful visit with his 92-year-old mother.  As we were leaving on the train from Newark Penn Station, he called his mother to let her know we were on our way and she said, in Spanish, "Always remember to get closer".

I know her advice was targeted to us as a couple, and it was good advice.  Most relationships, be they romantic or family or friendships or business contacts, grow cold when we fail to make the effort to be close and to get closer.  We become complacent; we get busy; we lose focus.  We think we won't change; he or she won't change; life will continue to chug along.  And it does.  Chug along like an old train.  But, without attention and maintenance, those relationships slow down just like an old train.  Then, one day, the train just stops running.  Admittedly, in the great stories of our lives, not all relationships are supposed to continue.  Some last for a season or only for some reason.  We need to know when to shake the dust off our shoes and move forward.  And, we need to know when to buckle down and do the work it takes to revive a sick relationship that begs for new life.  Knowing when to let go and when to hold on is tough.  Sometimes we hold on too long, as I believe I did in my marriage, and sometimes we let go too soon.  Perhaps the choice depends on what, if anything, we are still gaining from a relationship and what we think we may lose should it end.  Will life be better with or without it?  Are we happier now, with it, or will we be happier in the future, without it?  Do we feel restrained, unsupported, unappreciated?  Is there still an avenue of communication open?  How much work are we willing to put into the revival process?  Sometimes, I believe we are just tired and think starting over would be more exciting and maybe even easier.  And, that is often true.  So much to consider and to weigh.  Never an easy decision.  So, her advice to get closer has to be a reminder that relationships are a work-in-progress and the work needs to be done little by little, every day, or the task becomes too great, the work too hard, and we are run from the effort needed.

Even though I am sure her advice was aimed at us as a couple, I have thought about it in other ways, too.  Today, I applied the "get closer" to spiritual awakening.  I thought of how our lives should be aimed at getting closer to our spirit, or our soul, or God, or whatever you choose to call that which is larger than ourselves.  Some of us were raised with a strong spiritual or religious background and we chose to continue on the path that our parents started for us.  Others of us chose to leave that path and allowed life to take us in other directions.  Some may, as I did, leave the spiritual path entirely for a period.  And, some may never return to it.  Others find their way back to spirituality in one form or another, often in a form much different than the one learned in childhood.

I was raised Catholic, became agnostic for several years, and then, due to the influence of my husband, ended up in the Southern Baptist faith for a few years.  Many beliefs in that religion did not resonate with me and some just plain upset me.  I liked our church family, however, and stayed there much longer than my belief held out.  Eventually, the differences between what the church said was true and what my heart said was true, led to my leaving the Southern Baptist faith.  I felt like I had been released from a snare.

At first, after leaving the Baptist faith, I veered away from religion or spirituality in any form, much the same way I did after leaving the Catholic faith.  But, after I left my old life and started my new life, I encountered people who were on spiritual journeys that were unlike any I had known.  Their spiritual lives were rich and full, but did not involve churches or organized religion.  They did not own any particular "faith".  They chose to read and study and pick and choose what suited them.  They refused to be labeled or to be pushed into joining or belonging.  Some did find groups or even churches that resonated with them and their diverse beliefs and others continue to "get closer" on their own.

In other blogs, I have written about what I have read and studied and learned.  I believe in Universal Energy and reincarnation and goodness.  To choose an organized faith, I probably lean more toward Buddhism, although I am not a Buddhist.  I am always searching and always learning.  Now, my Sunday mornings are not spent in a church but are spent watching Oprah's Super Soul Sunday.  The diversity of her guests and their beliefs and their teachings keeps me interested.  I learn something new every Sunday.  I feel better about myself and about life after I watch Super Soul Sunday.  It is not church, but I don't want church.  It is a spiritual journey and that is what I value and need in my life right now.

My daughter and her husband are Catholics and are raising their children as Catholics.  Having been raised a Catholic, I am actually quite comfortable with that because I know and understand the faith, even if I do not choose to be part of it.  My daughter and grandchildren live with me and I respect their religious choice and I  ask them to honor "my Super Soul Sunday time".  My son-in-law, who is going to college in another city, is less accepting of other beliefs.  He was visiting on a Sunday while I was watching Super Soul Sunday.  As he and the children were getting ready to leave for Mass, my grandson came in to ask why I never go to church with them.  I explained, as I had before, that I don't believe the same as they do, and that is okay.  I said that I get my spiritual lessons from Super Soul Sunday.  That is when he said, "That show tricks you."  "Tricks me, how?" I asked.  I knew those were not his words or his thoughts.  "It tricks you so you won't go to church", he replied.  I smiled and told him I have spent many years going to churches, I have learned about all kinds of religions and spiritual beliefs and I choose Super Soul Sunday - I am not tricked, or fooled - I make a conscious choice.  I reminded him that people have different beliefs and we need to respect those beliefs because we all have our own spiritual paths that get us closer to God or whatever higher power we accept.  I wanted to tell him, but did not, that perhaps church is tricking his dad from growing spiritually in other ways.  But, if I want to teach tolerance, I must practice it.  I am committed to honoring what my grandchildren are being spiritually taught.  I may not always agree, but they also have their own spiritual path to travel.  I just hope they will learn to honor mine.  We can "get closer" through honoring one another this way.

"Get closer" can mean many things.  It may relate to a relationship, spirituality, a career, education, a dream.  But, to me, the lesson of "get closer" is to put in the work, make the effort, set aside the time, make the commitment no matter what or who it is you are trying to get closer to.  This blog is my way of getting closer to Manifesting Mount Dora.  It keeps me focused, keeps the dream sharp, gives me hope.  Perhaps we should all take time every now and then to consider what or who we want to get closer to.  

Mount Dora Renewal

Three days in Mount Dora have helped to ease the fatigue of three months of long work hours, several illnesses and some painful back issues and many days and evenings of being the caregiver for my two grandchildren.  On Thursday, my man and I and our two dogs headed south on a rainy afternoon.  We were greeted by 20 mph winds and intermittent showers in our favorite town, but nothing drastic enough to keep us inside.  Soon we were visiting Grantham Park on Lake Dora, walking the streets of the “old city” and dining on delicious Cuban food at Copacabana.  Friday and Saturday were filled with many long walks with our dogs, wonderful food and conversations at Copacabana, One Flight Up and Cody’s on 4th.  We shopped - particularly at my favorite boutique, Em’z on Fifth.  We rested and read.  On Sunday, for the first time, we visited the weekly Open Air Market and purchased some fabulous French bread, pastries and biscotti from the booth of A Wish or Two Ago, a French bakery located in Grand Island, some fresh arugula, tomatoes and blueberries, and a hair care product by Wildflower Beauty by Jessica, and I longed to buy some pottery from the Perry Stoneware booth, but decided that needed to wait until another trip.

One of the interesting aspects of our trip was the first time inclusion of our dog Pooh.  I rescued Pooh and her mom Winnie in 2002.  Winnie was about 3 years old and Pooh was around 4 months old.  They were living on the streets near my mom’s home in Tennessee.  Winnie was socialized having obviously been someone’s pet at some time, but Pooh was completely feral.  In spite of her better people skills, Winnie was not a dog to live in a house.  Being within four walls made her anxious and stressful, resulting in excessive panting and pacing, so she and her wild-one daughter spent the next 10 years living in my backyard and sleeping on my back porch.  Winnie became ill in January and left us.  Pooh is still trying to adjust to life without her ever-present mother.  Although Pooh is certainly tame now, she is still easily frightened and becomes nervous in new situations and around unfamiliar people.  Since living alone was not a good idea for the grieving Pooh, we started allowing her in the house with our Pekingese dog and she has slowly adjusted to life with our family and without her mother.  Worried that leaving her alone, without her most trusted people (my man and me) and without her canine companion Chanelito, we risked taking her along on her first ever vacation.  Pooh was nervous and leery of Mount Dora where everything was new and different.  She was overwhelmed and confused by her first sight of a large body of water, Mount Dora.  Walking along the downtown streets, busy with tourists and shoppers, triggered all her fear phobias.  But, slowly she adjusted - a little - with the one exception of her bathroom habits.  At our home, she uses our backyard for her bowel movements and in Mount Dora she was always on a leash or in our cottage, all places that did not seem “right” to her for that bodily function.  For three days we fretted about her lack of a bowel movement, always afraid the call of nature would become too strong when she was in the cottage.  Fortunately, that did not happen and on our last morning there, during my man’s early morning walk with the dogs, she successfully released what had been held inside of too long.  We were all relieved!!

Since mid-December my life has been out-of-synch, out-of-balance, as evident in my consecutive illnesses, back problems and a general feeling of dismay and discord.
Our trip allowed me some downtime to think, to read and to try and figure out what is wrong and why it became so wrong.  I read the book “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown who I recently saw on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday.  Her book is fantastic and I highly recommend it.  I really identified with her studies on the problems of perfectionism and I learned much from her about embracing our imperfections.

I came home from my long weekend feeling a little more rested, with slightly less back pain and with a renewed commitment to getting my life back on track.  First, I spoke to my daughter about her work schedule, insisting that I have Monday through Wednesday evenings free of childcare so I can attend my yoga class, work for some of my evening clients, volunteer at Wild Iris Bookstore and attend the monthly Feminist Open Mic Poetry Readings that I enjoy so much.  I promised myself to better organize my home work space and bedroom, so those areas feel less cluttered, confused and confining.  I recommitted myself to writing more often and I began researching some sort of creative class or activity that I can enjoy with my grandchildren.  And, hardest of all, I made an agreement with The Universe to be more positive and more patient about my Manifesting Mount Dora project.

Tomorrow begins my return to the routine of work, household duties and helping to care for my grandchildren.  Tomorrow begins the juggle of hours and the scheduling of all the things that I need to do while trying to make time for the things I want to do.  Tomorrow and the next day and the next are the test to see if my Mount Dora Renewal will take hold and grow sturdy roots.