4/24/12 Manners and Manifesting

Today I read an article in the Gainesville Sun via McClatchy Newspapers called “Polishing Your Manners Can Improve Relationships”.  As the title discloses, the article is about how your life and your relationships will be more harmonious if you practice good manners with everyone.  Seems like a no brainer, but bad manners are rampant and I believe that has much to do with the malaise in our society right now.  While shopping or running errands, there is rarely a time that I do not hear parents swearing at or around their children, children being rude to their parents and any other adults in their vicinity, spouses fighting loudly and openly in public, friends treating each other with disdain or sometimes outright cruelty, strangers being discourteous, rude and obnoxious to one another. 

My great-aunt Helen, who lived to be 104, often said, “Most, if not all, of the world’s problems can be solved with good manners..”  At first, I thought her statement was unrealistically simplistic, but with more consideration I realized her words were actually very wise.  How could we have wars or crimes if we are acting politely and with respect for one another?  Most societal problems and personal misunderstandings start with poor behavior and isn’t poor behavior the same as bad manners?  Good manners mean we are being thoughtful and respectful of another’s feelings.  If we treat one another with conscious consideration, how could we commit crimes against each other, how could we start and fight wars?

So what does any of this have to do with manifesting?  The Law of Attraction says like attracts like.  If we are displaying negative, bad behavior and exhibiting poor manners, how can we attract anything positive?  If we are being rude, how will we attract the people who can help make our intentions a reality? 

Successful manifestation requires synchronicity - the almost magical coming together of people and events at exactly the right time to help us create our new reality.  If we repel people, and this includes strangers, with our lack of manners and if we conduct ourselves in unfriendly, unhelpful and disapproving ways, how can we possibly attract the necessary people we need at the right moment?  Not only will we fail to attract that which we desire, but we will draw unto us the same negativity that we are displaying.  Our behavior will result in the opposite of what we are intending. 

Being mannerly does not mean becoming a doormat.  You can stand up for yourself and you can set boundaries without being mean or rude.  People often laugh at Miss Manners and Dear Abby articles that praise mannerly behavior, but there is good advice in those letters and commentaries.  We can convey our feelings and concerns, even when  expressing displeasure, disappointment, annoyance or anger, without using foul language, derogatory names, shrill voices, rude hand or finger signals, or any of the other poor replacements for thoughtful language.  Has our education system failed us so completely that we can only express ourselves in words of four letters or less?

Today I was driving my car into a convenience store parking lot when a very large SUV coming from a different direction swerved in front of me and pulled into the parking area, straddling the only two parking spaces left.  There was not enough room for me to park on either side of the hulking vehicle.  I found a non-parking area that had enough maneuvering room for me to stay there while my man ran into the store.  To my amazement the woman in the SUV never left her vehicle.  She took up two parking spaces and just sat there for about five minutes and then abruptly backed up and left.  I could see her face clearly when she drove past me and she looked furious.  I can’t imagine what problem would contort her face with such anger.  I could have screamed at her.  I could have thrown her the finger.  Honestly, that was my first thought.  How dare she?  Who does she think she is?  Etc, etc.  We’ve all experienced something similar and we’ve given into the urge to display our anger with rude, unmannerly words or gestures.  But, I am trying to Manifest Mount Dora and am very conscious of my thoughts, feelings and actions.  I only want to radiate positivity, so I avoid, as often as I can, sharp remarks, thoughtless comments, blatant displays of anger, and fits of displeasure.  I chose not to react with bad manners.  I chose to consider this woman a fellow human being with problems of which I have no knowledge.  Perhaps that’s not the case.  Perhaps she is willfully self-centered, obnoxious, rude and a bad driver all the time.  Maybe her in-your-face and ineffective display of anger through her parking is a common occurrence in her life.  But, that does not really matter - who she is and how she acts should not be the trigger for bad behavior from me.  In another situation, under different circumstances, I may have been able to be a positive influence on her, but today I was only able to not allow her to be a negative influence on me.  I chose not to give my power to her.  I chose to use my power to sit calmly in my car and send out wishes that whatever terrible thing she was experiencing would be resolved, allowing her to see past the anger that was blinding her today.  I am not patting myself on the back.  Truthfully, I was known as an aggressive, angry driver for several years of my life.  Back then my reaction would have been completely different than how I responded today.  But, now I know that when I act rudely or show bad manners or display boundless anger (that probably has nothing to do with the situation at hand), I am just attracting more negativity to me - more rude people, more parking space hogs, more impoliteness, more obnoxiousness.  I don’t want those negatives in my life, so I choose to bring a bit of peace into my little corner of the world.  I choose to believe that “Most, if not all, of the world’s problems can be solved with good manners.”

4/1/12 Birthdays

Today is my daughter’s birthday.  Birthdays are a good time to think about new beginnings.  Some people make New Year’s resolutions - I make birthday resolutions.  But, I didn’t when I had my birthday this past November, or did I?  If I did, I forgot, which indicates my resolution was not very heartfelt.  I do remember thinking that I don’t know how to grow old.  When I speak to friends in their 50's about age, the women always reflect on being like their mothers and men, like their fathers.  My real mom died when I was three months old, so I never had her as a mirror of what to expect.  And, I can only hope from the bottom of my heart that I will not become my father as I age!  Perhaps not having an aging mother to watch helped me not to have hangups about aging, not to fear what I might be seeing in my mother growing older.  I don’t fight the years or the aging process - perhaps because I always was more comfortable with those who were much older than me.  Even as a child, I preferred the company of adults, and preferably grandparent-aged adults, than I did of other children.  I really don’t think about aging, but I do think about the passage of time. 

At 57, I sometimes think I don’t have enough time left to manifest what I want.  Oddly, 15 years ago I thought there was way too much time left in my life and I dreaded the thought of living all those years until death.  Now I see a finite number of years and I want to live purposefully, with vigor and hope.  I want the years and the minutes to count for something more than myself.  In my sixth decade, I want to learn more, experience more, teach more.  I feel an urgency I’ve never felt before and that urgency brought life to Manifesting Mount Dora.  Since I began this project on March 20th, I have been reading, writing and studying more than I have in years.  I want this project to be bigger than me.  I feel like March 20th was a birthday of sorts. 

My daughter at 26 is already wants to turn back the hands of time.  She is feeling the passage of time, the shortage of time.  At 26, I’d been married five years and would soon be moving for the fifth time.  Already life had lost its glimmer.   I can see that in her eyes too.  Sometimes she cannot see the glimmer or the shine or the shimmer or the glitter.  At her age, life is work - making money, raising children, getting by.  She still dreams, but those dreams are mired in the mundane tasks of everyday life - the tasks that fill our waking minutes and leave us exhausted at the end of the day.  Too tired to dream.

There are ways to rise above the mundane, to put that spark back in our lives and in our step.  I wish I had known at her age what I am learning now.  She already knows some of this and I applaud what she puts into practice, but she, like all of us, can do more to take determined, measured steps to self-realization. 

Much of what I am doing - writing, reading, creating vision boards, using a gratitude journal, walking and doing yoga - are all activities that take time - a lot of time.  Time that, as the working mother of two small children, she lacks.  Time that I lack when my work grows beyond a 40-hour week.  So, when time is short, what can we do to continue manifesting?

The list below is a birthday gift to my daughter:

✮Be happy.  Even when hurried or weary or stressed, find a way to be happy and if you can’t be happy, pretend.  The old adage “Fake it ‘til you make it” is good advice.  Act happy, even when you feel as far away from happy as you can possibly be, and you will start feeling happier.   Smile - a lot.  Laugh - as often as you can.  Sing - loudly.   Dance - like no one is watching.  Don’t wait until you feel happy - that may never happen or it may only last for a short period of time.  Make your happiness.  Look for the little things that make you feel better - a hot cup of tea, a flower in bloom, the smile of a child, the song of a bird, the warmth of your bed. 

✮Be present.  Pay attention.  Don’t get so caught up in all the busyness that you lose track of the minutes that are passing.  Stop several times a day (set your watch or cell phone’s alarm to remind you to do this every few hours) and be quiet, pay attention and note what is going on around you.  What do you hear?  What do you see?  What do you feel?  Can you hear your heart beating?  Breathe deeply.  Feel your lungs and abdomen with as much air as you can and let it out with a sigh.  Touch your skin - is it dry, warm, cool, wet?  Do you have a taste in your mouth?  This little exercise only takes a couple of minutes and even if you do it a few of times a day, you’ve used less time than it takes to brush your teeth and comb your hair. 

✮Be grateful.  Take a moment just before bed to be grateful for your day.  If possible, write at least three gratitudes in a journal.  If you don’t have the time or the energy or the inclination to write, at least think of three or more things for which you are thankful. 

✮Allow.  Allow others to help you.  Allow yourself to rest.  Allow your answer to be “no” sometimes.  Allow your answer to be “yes” sometimes.  Allow yourself to make decisions that are good for you and for those in your care.  Allow yourself to accept compliments and allow yourself to give compliments. 

✮Be quiet.  Not just before falling asleep, but sometime during the day give yourself a few moments of silence.  Lock yourself in the bathroom if you must, but find that quiet spot and be silent. 

✮Set boundaries.  This is a tough one for many people and it can be hard to do in our needy world, but we must protect ourselves from too much - too much of anything.  Know how much is good and how much is too much and respect the limits that keep you healthy and sane.  Put healthy boundaries in place for yourself and others.    


 ✮Speak gently.  Harsh words are happiness killers.  Choose your words for the positive effect they will have on others and on you.  Negative, sharp or impatient words not only steal your happiness, but the happiness of those to whom they are directed and even those who just happen to be in hearing range.  Remove curse words from your vocabulary.  Avoid the shoulds, woulds, coulds, musts, can’ts, and don’ts from your sentences.  Let your words smile and laugh, not bite and bruise.  The same is true of your internal words - what you say to yourself, the mind chatter.  Speak kindly, gently to yourself.  Use positive words when you are thinking, as well as speaking. 

✮Respect others.  Respect does not have to mean agreement.  It does not have to mean acceptance.  Respect is kindness.  Just allowing someone else to be or to say without meeting criticism or sarcasm or disdain from you.  You can disagree, but respectfully and politely.  If you can’t be nice, be silent or walk away. 

✮Respect yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  We are all a work in progress.  Allow yourself time to learn and grow.  Be bold, be brave, be you.  Know that you have as many rights as anyone else.  You have a purpose.  You are here for a reason. 

✮Honor time.  Time can be your enemy or your friend.  Be conscious of time and what needs to be done in the time you have.  Respect the time of others.  Strive to arrive on time.  Always hurrying means your time is not being honored.  Figure out the time you need and allow for that and a little extra.  Schedule the time you need and allow for unscheduled time.  We all need to go with the flow occasionally.  When you are rushing around you are sending out negative vibrations that affect you, those around you and even what will happen in the future.  If you honor time, life will be calmer and you will have more time.

✮Do something different at least once a week (every day would be even better).  Routine, or what we call being in a rut, is our enemy.  We become complacent and lazy and dull.  Doing the same thing every day turns our brains to mush.  Routines are necessary, but not everything needs to be or should be the same every day.  Change something, anything.  Even something small.  Try a different food.  Travel a different route to work.  Change your hairstyle - even that just means parting your hair on the right rather than the left.  Listen to a different genre of music.  Drink tea instead of coffee.  Sleep on the right side of the bed rather than the left side.  Next time you shop for clothes, choose an article of clothing in a color that is not represented in your closet.  Add a little variety to your life to ward off staleness and mental fog.  Surprising yourself is a gift that you can afford.

Even when you are 26 and life is coming at you life a runaway train and you feel overwhelmed and a little lost and a little scared, even when you cannot squeeze out a moment for reading or writing or meditation or vision boards or long, thoughtful walks in nature, you can strive to be happy, be present, be grateful, be allowing, be quiet, to set boundaries, to speak gently, to respect others and yourself, to honor time and to change up your routine.  You cann do these things - sure you can.    

I don’t mean this to sound preachy.  Heaven knows, I am still learning about being happy, being positive and using my thoughts and words to create the life I want.   I wish someone had given me these tips when I was younger before I got too tired and too depressed to think I could do anything to make life better.  I wasted precious time just wishing life would go away.  Perhaps, your experience will be more life-affirming than mine was.