Negativity is contagious. Surround yourself with negative people - people who find fault, complain, dramatize, whine - and you certainly will find yourself being more like them, unless you learn how to protect yourself from their influence. It is best if you can simply limit your association with negative people, but that is not always possible.
In my “other life”, when I was unhappy in my marriage, most of my friends were women who were also dissatisfied with their marriages/relationships. And, our discontentment overflowed to other areas of our lives resulting in displeasure with our co-workers, other friends, neighbors and even children. Our favorite times together were spent complaining about our partners and just about everyone else in our lives. Discontentment with one aspect of our lives tends to sour all aspects of our lives. And, when we are unhappy, we seek the company of others who are also unhappy. Like attracts like.
When my life changed and I became happier, I found the company of my friends to be uncomfortable. At first, I could not understand why. These were my good friends, for heaven’s sakes. Our relationships were long-term and we shared so much over the years. I noticed that they were critical of my new relationships and my improved life although I was happier than I had been in many years. Rather than being happy for me, they were disapproving and, I later discovered, were talking negatively about me behind my back. Even when the changes in my life were not the topic of conversation, I was uneasy being around their constant complaining and negative comments concerning other people and other situations. I began seeing how stifling and unproductive those conversations were. Although we were definitely drifting apart, I was not ready to give up on my “friends”. Over a year passed before their negative attitudes toward me took their toll and I finally severed the relationships as much as I could. Because I worked with some of these former friends, total separation was not possible. When my friendships with those co-workers cooled, I became under attack for minor things concerning our jobs. I felt like I could not talk about anything in front of any of them without drawing derision.
The breakup with my friends occurred about the time I started learning about the Law of Attraction and it granted me my first chance to put the Law to work. I chose to disregard them in every way possible except for the work-related conversations that were necessary. I ignored their conversations completely, not allowing myself to be drawn into or influenced by their negativity or by their offhanded and rude comments about me that were purposely said loud enough for me to overhear. It was very difficult to close my ears to the words that swirled around me. I often played music quietly at my desk to drown out their voices. When someone purposely tried to engage me in a negative and unnecessary conversation or when someone confronted me personally, I did not respond; I just kept working or left the room. I printed a copy of the Optimist’s Code and taped it to the side of my printer where I could see it easily and when I struggled to hold my temper and my tongue, I would read it silently to myself, over and over. Determinedly, I worked to keep positive thoughts in my mind. Little by little, my efforts to be positive became second nature. As I participated less and reacted less, the negative comments my former friends aimed at me became fewer and fewer. After awhile, I did not even hear their conversations anymore. A workplace that felt hostile for several months became neutral. Even when I heard or learned about some mean comments made about me, I no longer cared. I could just smile, shake my head and walk away.
As these negative people and influences left my life, the emptiness I was feeling for those lost friendships, even if they were not healthy ones, was filled by new friends - positive, encouraging, uplifting friends. New people came into my life from all directions and I was amazed to have friends that were basically happy people who encouraged happiness in me. Like attracts like. Before long, I could look at my former friends and wonder why I was ever friends with them! Of course, I was a different person when we were friends and they served a need in my life at that time. I have learned to be thankful for what I learned from them and from our relationships. We learn from our negative experiences as well as our positive ones and sometimes the negative ones are our best teachers.
I cannot ignore an even earlier negative influence in my life - my former husband. When I met him he was suffering from depression - most recently caused by an earlier divorce and loss of contact with his daughter. However, I believe his depression started much earlier - in his childhood - when he was forced to deal with parental rejection from his father and his step-father. He was like a sad little boy and my people-pleasing tendencies encouraged me to love him and heal him. I just knew I could love his problems away. I could make him happy and help him forget all the bad experiences in his life. Sounds like a god complex, doesn’t it? Did I really think I had that much power? Honestly, I think people-pleasers have less of a god-complex than a responsibility complex. We feel we are responsible for the well-being of everyone in our lives and because we have so much experience “fixing” other people, we take on more and more challenging cases. My husband was a very challenging case and for 28 years I tried to make him well, make him happy, make him whole, and it did not work. I just made myself unhealthy, unhappy and incomplete. Not only did I wear myself out trying to “fix” him but I absorbed his negativity. I, who was once nicknamed Pollyanna for my sunny outlook on life, became a terribly pessimistic and hopeless person. Since I’d already experienced some depression in my youth, my mostly cheery disposition was no contest for his brooding personality, so my positivity was converted to negativity. Once I was as negative as he was, only an extreme life change could save me and, fortunately, adopting my daughter was extreme enough to do that.
As hard as it is to accept, to save ourselves we sometimes have to leave the ones we may love but who are not good for us - the ones who do not bring light and love into our lives, who immerse us in negativity and criticism; the ones who no not how to be encouraging, uplifting or inspiring. But what if you cannot leave them? What if your negative albatross is your parent or a sibling or your child? What if physical distance is not an option?
If total separation is not possible, limited exposure may be an option. Search for ways to limit contact with the person. Find distractions, as I did with music at my desk, that create a barrier between you and the person. Before being in contact with the person, repeat positive affirmations like “I attract only positive people and experiences into my life”, “My cheerful disposition changes negativity into positivity” and “I control my thoughts and only allow positive, happy ones to enter my mind no matter what influences surround me”; see yourself surrounded in white light and ask for protection from the other person’s negativity; imagine the other person surrounded in white light and ask that any negativity he or she may be holding be dispersed before contact is made; imagine a wall of light between you and the person; imagine yourself in a bubble that gives you protection from all negativity; give thanks for the positive influence you will have on that person and every person with whom you will have contact that day. At first, these practices are difficult to incorporate into your daily life, but with practice they become easier. And, as you withstand the negativity of others, allowing your positivity to grow, you will naturally move in a different direction that may allow you to distance yourself further from the negative person or persons and your life will be blessed with new, happy, life-affirming people.
Trying to manifest anything requires as much positive energy as you can possibly drum up, so limiting your exposure to negative energy in your world is extremely important. Even if you have very little control over your daily influences (If you are a law enforcement officer or a soldier, for example, you may constantly be in negative situations that you cannot change), you can make choices to erase the negativity that has clung onto you. Once you leave your job, for example, listen to soothing, peaceful music - not heavy metal or rap music that has a strong negative undertone; take a warm shower and imagine all the negativity washing down the drain; practice meditation or yoga or tai chi or one of the other calming disciplines; exercise; put all of your attention into something creative that inspires you and pushes away your thoughts of the day; spend time in nature or with children; read positive literature; practice affirmations. These are just a few of activities that can help neutralize negativity.
I have recently been exposed to some negativity that I hope is only temporary, but, for now, it is imperative that I search for ways to avoid or wash away the negativity if I want to manifest my new home and life in Mount Dora (or anything else, for that matter). When confronted with negative comments, I choose to ignore them or respond passively whenever possible. Not allowing myself to take everything personally helps. We tend to think that someone’s bad mood is directed at us or, maybe, even caused by us. A sharp tone of voice, a rude comment and we get hurt and annoyed - at least, I know that is my tendency. I am learning to assume that it is NOT my fault that someone else is surly. Choose not to accept the responsibility for other people’s moods. Sometimes when I am exposed to another’s rants or complaints, especially someone who thinks I should agree or at least sympathize with his/her point of view, I just nod and think of something pleasant during the emotional dumping and when it has ended, I say something non-committal like “Wow, that’s too bad” or “Sorry to hear that” or “I know how you feel”. People just want to let loose, to be heard and it is really not necessary to engage yourself in a conversation over whatever the issue may be. Usually, a nod, a sympathetic smile and a standard I-understand-you phrase is enough. I also practice some of the other suggestions I had in the previous paragraph. It is my hope that this negativity will subside and I only need to tread water until that happens. We all experience periods of negativity in our lives - whether personally or through others - and usually those times are temporary. We do need to be sympathetic to the problems of others and treat ourselves kindly when we undergo bad times. It is the never-ending, never-healing negativity that drags us down, saps our energy and destroys our dreams.
In my “other life”, when I was unhappy in my marriage, most of my friends were women who were also dissatisfied with their marriages/relationships. And, our discontentment overflowed to other areas of our lives resulting in displeasure with our co-workers, other friends, neighbors and even children. Our favorite times together were spent complaining about our partners and just about everyone else in our lives. Discontentment with one aspect of our lives tends to sour all aspects of our lives. And, when we are unhappy, we seek the company of others who are also unhappy. Like attracts like.
When my life changed and I became happier, I found the company of my friends to be uncomfortable. At first, I could not understand why. These were my good friends, for heaven’s sakes. Our relationships were long-term and we shared so much over the years. I noticed that they were critical of my new relationships and my improved life although I was happier than I had been in many years. Rather than being happy for me, they were disapproving and, I later discovered, were talking negatively about me behind my back. Even when the changes in my life were not the topic of conversation, I was uneasy being around their constant complaining and negative comments concerning other people and other situations. I began seeing how stifling and unproductive those conversations were. Although we were definitely drifting apart, I was not ready to give up on my “friends”. Over a year passed before their negative attitudes toward me took their toll and I finally severed the relationships as much as I could. Because I worked with some of these former friends, total separation was not possible. When my friendships with those co-workers cooled, I became under attack for minor things concerning our jobs. I felt like I could not talk about anything in front of any of them without drawing derision.
The breakup with my friends occurred about the time I started learning about the Law of Attraction and it granted me my first chance to put the Law to work. I chose to disregard them in every way possible except for the work-related conversations that were necessary. I ignored their conversations completely, not allowing myself to be drawn into or influenced by their negativity or by their offhanded and rude comments about me that were purposely said loud enough for me to overhear. It was very difficult to close my ears to the words that swirled around me. I often played music quietly at my desk to drown out their voices. When someone purposely tried to engage me in a negative and unnecessary conversation or when someone confronted me personally, I did not respond; I just kept working or left the room. I printed a copy of the Optimist’s Code and taped it to the side of my printer where I could see it easily and when I struggled to hold my temper and my tongue, I would read it silently to myself, over and over. Determinedly, I worked to keep positive thoughts in my mind. Little by little, my efforts to be positive became second nature. As I participated less and reacted less, the negative comments my former friends aimed at me became fewer and fewer. After awhile, I did not even hear their conversations anymore. A workplace that felt hostile for several months became neutral. Even when I heard or learned about some mean comments made about me, I no longer cared. I could just smile, shake my head and walk away.
As these negative people and influences left my life, the emptiness I was feeling for those lost friendships, even if they were not healthy ones, was filled by new friends - positive, encouraging, uplifting friends. New people came into my life from all directions and I was amazed to have friends that were basically happy people who encouraged happiness in me. Like attracts like. Before long, I could look at my former friends and wonder why I was ever friends with them! Of course, I was a different person when we were friends and they served a need in my life at that time. I have learned to be thankful for what I learned from them and from our relationships. We learn from our negative experiences as well as our positive ones and sometimes the negative ones are our best teachers.
I cannot ignore an even earlier negative influence in my life - my former husband. When I met him he was suffering from depression - most recently caused by an earlier divorce and loss of contact with his daughter. However, I believe his depression started much earlier - in his childhood - when he was forced to deal with parental rejection from his father and his step-father. He was like a sad little boy and my people-pleasing tendencies encouraged me to love him and heal him. I just knew I could love his problems away. I could make him happy and help him forget all the bad experiences in his life. Sounds like a god complex, doesn’t it? Did I really think I had that much power? Honestly, I think people-pleasers have less of a god-complex than a responsibility complex. We feel we are responsible for the well-being of everyone in our lives and because we have so much experience “fixing” other people, we take on more and more challenging cases. My husband was a very challenging case and for 28 years I tried to make him well, make him happy, make him whole, and it did not work. I just made myself unhealthy, unhappy and incomplete. Not only did I wear myself out trying to “fix” him but I absorbed his negativity. I, who was once nicknamed Pollyanna for my sunny outlook on life, became a terribly pessimistic and hopeless person. Since I’d already experienced some depression in my youth, my mostly cheery disposition was no contest for his brooding personality, so my positivity was converted to negativity. Once I was as negative as he was, only an extreme life change could save me and, fortunately, adopting my daughter was extreme enough to do that.
As hard as it is to accept, to save ourselves we sometimes have to leave the ones we may love but who are not good for us - the ones who do not bring light and love into our lives, who immerse us in negativity and criticism; the ones who no not how to be encouraging, uplifting or inspiring. But what if you cannot leave them? What if your negative albatross is your parent or a sibling or your child? What if physical distance is not an option?
If total separation is not possible, limited exposure may be an option. Search for ways to limit contact with the person. Find distractions, as I did with music at my desk, that create a barrier between you and the person. Before being in contact with the person, repeat positive affirmations like “I attract only positive people and experiences into my life”, “My cheerful disposition changes negativity into positivity” and “I control my thoughts and only allow positive, happy ones to enter my mind no matter what influences surround me”; see yourself surrounded in white light and ask for protection from the other person’s negativity; imagine the other person surrounded in white light and ask that any negativity he or she may be holding be dispersed before contact is made; imagine a wall of light between you and the person; imagine yourself in a bubble that gives you protection from all negativity; give thanks for the positive influence you will have on that person and every person with whom you will have contact that day. At first, these practices are difficult to incorporate into your daily life, but with practice they become easier. And, as you withstand the negativity of others, allowing your positivity to grow, you will naturally move in a different direction that may allow you to distance yourself further from the negative person or persons and your life will be blessed with new, happy, life-affirming people.
Trying to manifest anything requires as much positive energy as you can possibly drum up, so limiting your exposure to negative energy in your world is extremely important. Even if you have very little control over your daily influences (If you are a law enforcement officer or a soldier, for example, you may constantly be in negative situations that you cannot change), you can make choices to erase the negativity that has clung onto you. Once you leave your job, for example, listen to soothing, peaceful music - not heavy metal or rap music that has a strong negative undertone; take a warm shower and imagine all the negativity washing down the drain; practice meditation or yoga or tai chi or one of the other calming disciplines; exercise; put all of your attention into something creative that inspires you and pushes away your thoughts of the day; spend time in nature or with children; read positive literature; practice affirmations. These are just a few of activities that can help neutralize negativity.
I have recently been exposed to some negativity that I hope is only temporary, but, for now, it is imperative that I search for ways to avoid or wash away the negativity if I want to manifest my new home and life in Mount Dora (or anything else, for that matter). When confronted with negative comments, I choose to ignore them or respond passively whenever possible. Not allowing myself to take everything personally helps. We tend to think that someone’s bad mood is directed at us or, maybe, even caused by us. A sharp tone of voice, a rude comment and we get hurt and annoyed - at least, I know that is my tendency. I am learning to assume that it is NOT my fault that someone else is surly. Choose not to accept the responsibility for other people’s moods. Sometimes when I am exposed to another’s rants or complaints, especially someone who thinks I should agree or at least sympathize with his/her point of view, I just nod and think of something pleasant during the emotional dumping and when it has ended, I say something non-committal like “Wow, that’s too bad” or “Sorry to hear that” or “I know how you feel”. People just want to let loose, to be heard and it is really not necessary to engage yourself in a conversation over whatever the issue may be. Usually, a nod, a sympathetic smile and a standard I-understand-you phrase is enough. I also practice some of the other suggestions I had in the previous paragraph. It is my hope that this negativity will subside and I only need to tread water until that happens. We all experience periods of negativity in our lives - whether personally or through others - and usually those times are temporary. We do need to be sympathetic to the problems of others and treat ourselves kindly when we undergo bad times. It is the never-ending, never-healing negativity that drags us down, saps our energy and destroys our dreams.
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