(I originally wrote this while on vacation earlier in the month, but I did not have Internet access at the time and forgot to post it later.)
We are on vacation right now, staying with my man's mother in New Jersey with plans to take the train to Manhattan every morning, returning each evening. Today, however, our first day here, the weather was cold and rainy so we skipped our daily trip to NYC and hung out with his mom, his sister-in-law and her son. All of these people are immigrants from South America and listening to stories of their homelands and their moves to the United States leaves me marveling at the will and adaptability of these people and millions more like them. They love their homelands and their cultures, but, at some point, they realized life was too hard and opportunities too few where they were born. When each had the chance to risk a new life in a different place, they took it. Their choices did not come without fear or trepidation or even sadness. Each regretted the need to leave their families, friends, homes and culture, but they still plunged forward into the unknown future in a strange land, arriving without knowing the language, but with the help of others who had come before and with the hope that they too could have a better life in the United States. Others around the world make the same brave choices, ending up in the U.S. or Canada or Australia or other countries with more stable economies and political systems.
Two of my man's brothers came first, both having work visas to do jobs that were short on employees in the late 60's. Later, the six remaining siblings, as well as their parents, immigrated here. They have all lived here many decades, their children were born and raised here, but still they miss their homeland and try to keep their cultures alive through their native food and music.
I am often ashamed at how Americans treat immigrants. We can be so stingy and so mean when it comes to accepting those who are different than we are. We fear that "they" will take what is "ours". We fear that our culture, which is and always has been a conglomeration of bits and pieces of other cultures, will be wiped away by "their" cultures. We, ignorantly, think our English language will even be overcome by the native tongues of others. All of us or our ancestors came here from somewhere else at some time and we forget that and become so possessive of what is "ours".
The idea that English will be replaced by the language of some other group is ridiculous. Perhaps those who immigrated here will never learn English, and that is understandable for those who live in communities of people speaking the same native language, but it really is not important if those who immigrated speak English because their children will and their grandchildren will. My grandkids have parents who speak another language and they only speak to their children in that language, but my grandchildren live with me and speak English with me and in school and even with their friends who also know their other language. They are completely bilingual, but their preferred language is English because that is the language of their culture. They are bi-lingual but I fear my great-grandchildren will not be.
I admire those who come here with little and create much. Somehow we think that immigrants come here to live off our welfare systems, when all I see are immigrants who work harder than most of "us" do. I see many immigrants who struggle to save as much money as possible so they can live the American Dream by owning their own homes and businesses. They still believe in the American Dream while many of those born here have no idea what the American Dream is.
I am not saying all of this to be political; I am saying this because it has so much to do with how we view the world and ourselves and that affects how we view prosperity. If we are consumed with preserving what we see as "ours", on a national level or a personal level, we are missing the opportunity to be prosperous, for prosperity has to do with there being enough for all. If we think of lack, if we feel stingy and self-preserving, we push prosperity away. If we think small, we live small. To me, it is sad when we fail to share, when we hoard and refuse to help others. I believe our hearts need to be bigger so we can give more and, thereby, receive more.
I don't believe we can create abundance and prosperity on an individual level if we embrace the idea of lack in our country, whether for our native-born residents or for those from other countries. I know many disagree with me, but, for me, my prosperity is affected my willingness to share my abundance with others. That does not mean I give everything I have to others, but it means I share generously and I share with love and willingness. It means I think of our country as a community that supports and helps one another. It means I am willing to pay the taxes needed to keep our infrastructure in good shape and our schools at competitive levels, to pay our educators and civil workers a decent wage, and to provide safety nets for all those who are struggling. It means I embrace those who wish to have the same opportunities I have and I help those who are less fortunate than me. That is what I define as true prosperity for me, for my community and for my country and that is what I think about when I vote. Who embraces prosperity for all, who supports helping others, who is accepting of immigrants, who refuses to think in terms of lack, who shows the most support for our schools, our educators, our civil workers and our infrastructure, who believes that we receive when we give? Those are the people I can support with a joyful heart.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Starting Today
This morning my daughter was getting her children ready for school in a rush. The rush part was causing her much stress. My grandchildren, like my daughter, are not morning people and, although they love school, they would rather get there sometime in the mid-morning than at 8 AM. They awaken slowly, with much encouragement, often to the point of lifting them out of bed and placing them upright on their feet with their eyes still closed tightly against the start of the day. And, being only three and five years old, they are easily distracted and efforts to get dressed, brush teeth, comb hair and eat breakfast are often delayed by a toy, a book or a disagreement between brother and sister. Patience is a must to survive the morning wake-up routine and patience was in short supply for my daughter this morning. Perhaps she did not sleep well or has not fully recovered from the cold virus that our household has shared this past week or she may have been worried about something. Maybe, she was just in a bad mood, as we all are from time to time, or perhaps she got up late herself, leaving little time to get the children ready before they had to leave for school. The result of her lack of patience, however, was a voice-raising, child-crying episode that tainted the start to everyone's morning. I rose from bed and joined her and the children in the bathroom for the morning teeth-brushing activity and inquired as to why she was raising her voice which was, inevitably, leading to the crying fits of the children. Understandably, she was quick to blame the children - they don't listen, they don't pay attention, they are too slow - all true statements. But, they are just little kids who are learning how to get up and get going. After all, this is only my grandson's second year of school and my granddaughter's first. To her irritation, I pointed out that her reaction to their actions, or non-actions, was her choice - the children did not cause her to raise her voice, that is what she chose to do. I would have really been ticked if someone said that to me under the same circumstances early in the morning, so I understand if she was not too thrilled to have me standing there at that moment, but I felt my statement needed to be said. Unlike me, I hope she learns the lesson that others don't "make" us react the way we do while she is still young enough to incorporate that wisdom into most of her life. I learned that lesson late in life and still sometimes struggle with it.
My daughter was concentrating on the negative things, which were the children's lack of attention and slow responses, and allowing that to irritate and annoy her. The more attention she paid to the negative, the more it happened and the more upset she became. Her reaction was normal, but not helpful. She could have shifted her attention from what the children were not doing and concentrate on what they were doing. By shifting her attention from the negative to the positive, the positive would grow. By not reacting to the negative in a negative way, she would stop the flow of unwanted actions and reactions. Perhaps, she needed to just accept that they started off their morning late and getting to school on time, while maintaining a level of harmony and cooperation, was not possible. So, be late this time and make the choice to start the day off earlier and better tomorrow and for all the upcoming days.
Sometimes when we learn a lesson, when we have a light-bulb moment and something that was confusing becomes clear, when we reach a point when a change is necessary, we just need to decide right then that we will start anew. Often we put off changes until New Year's Day or our birthday or some other significant date, but when we put off the action of change, we lose the momentum and energy of the lesson as it is happening, or we just forget to later commit ourselves to the new action we want to take. Pause, take a breath, and say out loud, if possible, what you want to change and commit yourself to make the change immediately. I will wake up earlier on school mornings. I will be patient in the mornings. I will speak kindly and gently to others. I will - whatever - whatever it is that you choose to change RIGHT NOW. There is no better time than right now to start new.
My daughter is a good mother, but she, like all of us, have stressful moments and I am using this one incident to make a point about reactions, choices and changes. We are all in training to be better people. We all have bad mornings, stressful days, short tempers, sharp tongues and a lack of patience from time to time, but we can all be aware of what is happening - the triggers and our reactions - and choose to change - not tomorrow or next month or at the start of the new year, but today. By making a conscience decision in the moment and by saying the words of commitment out loud or clearly in our minds, we create a memory that will be triggered the next time we are faced with the same situation. We make a promise to ourselves and to the Universe that we acknowledge the lesson and are promising to change.
Daily irritations may seem small and not worthy of our attention, but what occurs on any somewhat regular basis accumulates into a heavy cape of negativity that weighs us down and strips us of the positive energy that we need to manifest our desires. If we can learn to react positively to those negative triggers, or even better, learn to see those negative triggers in a positive way, we can cloak ourselves in positive energy that will protect, energize and inspire us.
My daughter was concentrating on the negative things, which were the children's lack of attention and slow responses, and allowing that to irritate and annoy her. The more attention she paid to the negative, the more it happened and the more upset she became. Her reaction was normal, but not helpful. She could have shifted her attention from what the children were not doing and concentrate on what they were doing. By shifting her attention from the negative to the positive, the positive would grow. By not reacting to the negative in a negative way, she would stop the flow of unwanted actions and reactions. Perhaps, she needed to just accept that they started off their morning late and getting to school on time, while maintaining a level of harmony and cooperation, was not possible. So, be late this time and make the choice to start the day off earlier and better tomorrow and for all the upcoming days.
Sometimes when we learn a lesson, when we have a light-bulb moment and something that was confusing becomes clear, when we reach a point when a change is necessary, we just need to decide right then that we will start anew. Often we put off changes until New Year's Day or our birthday or some other significant date, but when we put off the action of change, we lose the momentum and energy of the lesson as it is happening, or we just forget to later commit ourselves to the new action we want to take. Pause, take a breath, and say out loud, if possible, what you want to change and commit yourself to make the change immediately. I will wake up earlier on school mornings. I will be patient in the mornings. I will speak kindly and gently to others. I will - whatever - whatever it is that you choose to change RIGHT NOW. There is no better time than right now to start new.
My daughter is a good mother, but she, like all of us, have stressful moments and I am using this one incident to make a point about reactions, choices and changes. We are all in training to be better people. We all have bad mornings, stressful days, short tempers, sharp tongues and a lack of patience from time to time, but we can all be aware of what is happening - the triggers and our reactions - and choose to change - not tomorrow or next month or at the start of the new year, but today. By making a conscience decision in the moment and by saying the words of commitment out loud or clearly in our minds, we create a memory that will be triggered the next time we are faced with the same situation. We make a promise to ourselves and to the Universe that we acknowledge the lesson and are promising to change.
Daily irritations may seem small and not worthy of our attention, but what occurs on any somewhat regular basis accumulates into a heavy cape of negativity that weighs us down and strips us of the positive energy that we need to manifest our desires. If we can learn to react positively to those negative triggers, or even better, learn to see those negative triggers in a positive way, we can cloak ourselves in positive energy that will protect, energize and inspire us.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Looking Back
This was a saying I saw on Facebook recently: Sometimes you just gotta look back at your past and smile at how far you've gotten. No name was attributed to the quote, but it was posted by yTravel Blog so I want to give them the credit for it.
Those words made me stop and think. My birthday is just around the corner and this is a good time to think about the past and how far I've come.
Life has been moving very fast during the last week. I was busy catching up at work and at home from my vacation and I watched my grandchildren several times during the week. There just were not enough hours for all that needed to be done. When I feel like I am behind in my responsibilities or that I have too much to do in too little time, I begin to feel a little defeated, like I am getting nowhere fast, like my dreams are always pushed into the future. When that happened this week, I was glad to be reminded to look at my past and see how far I've come. No, actually, not just see how far I've come, but SMILE at how far I've come.
I took a few minutes to compare the “me” today to the “me” a few years ago. That difference is undeniably huge - as they say, “ I've come a long way, baby!” But, what about the “me” of a year ago and the “me” now. The change is not as remarkable, but still noticeable. At this time last year, I was not sure what I wanted. Now I know, and I am working towards manifesting a new home and life in Mount Dora. I also know that I want to write and am doing more and more of that. A year ago, I did not have this blog which brings me so much pleasure and I am even considering starting a second blog.
Last year, my home life was in still in flux as my man and I continued adjusting to my daughter and grandchildren moving in the year before and now we are all settled with routines and schedules involving one another. A family member who was living with us to help with the childcare moved out this past summer and now I have more of the responsibility for the care for my grandchildren, which is both wonderful and a huge lifestyle adjustment. Since my daughter is adopted and I never had children of my own, I see this opportunity to help raise my grandchildren as a tremendous blessing that allows me to have an experience I missed during my child-bearing years. Some family issues that caused turmoil during the past year have mostly been resolved and I am quite content with our home life.
I feel more connected to my home than I did a year ago and am proud of the living and dining room redecorating project that I completed this summer and am looking forward to redecorating another area of our house in these last weeks before the end of 2012.
My work has not changed much, but is chugging along nicely and steadily. I started volunteering at the last remaining feminist bookstore in Florida, Wild Iris Books, and the experience has been very fulfilling and fascinating.
My man and I made time to visit Mount Dora more regularly and we just had a wonderful vacation up north. Since we are spending more time with my grandchildren, we are going on outings with them to the mall, festivals, concerts, restaurants and sometimes just for a long walk. He and I also joined a gym and enjoy going there two or three times a week to workout.
The biggest change was the death of my mother this year and although I still find myself reaching for my phone to call and see how she is doing, I am at peace with her passing and sometimes feel her presence close to me. Our relationship, though loving, was also rocky at times and all that seems to have drifted away. I feel an intense peace and well-being when I think of her and I know whatever issues remained unsettled between us are settled now.
Even when life is hectic, as it usually is, I have a more defined sense of self. Perhaps there have been no huge victories during the past year, but there certainly were a few accomplishments and many unexpected blessings.
It is easy for me to begin feeling lost and defeated, old and tired, weary and overwhelmed when life gets too busy and feels out-of-control. Taking a moment to assess our past and our journey to the present is a good way to be reminded that we've made progress and have blessings to celebrate. And, we need to SMILE when we think of how far we've come. We need to feel happy for whatever accomplishments, no matter how small. We need to remember to celebrate ourselves.
Perhaps a walk down memory lane results in a feeling of defeat. Perhaps you were better off last year than now. Perhaps life was easier or happier before and the present looks dismal. Truth be told, not every year sees us better off than the year before. Our lives have highs and lows and sometimes the lows seem to last a very long time. I've definitely been there. And when you are in the midst of a low, it is hard - really, really hard - to identify anything to feel good about, anything to make you smile. Look hard, dig deep. There is always something, even if just a memory of a warm afternoon in a park after a cold winter or a strong cup of coffee one morning when you just could not get your day started or a friend who called at just the right moment when you needed some encouragement. Those little moments can be just as important as the new job, the big raise, the new relationship. Once you have identified some of those moments, try to look for them in the days ahead. Take time to appreciate the cup of coffee, the time in the park and the call from a friend as they occur. Once you start paying attention, I am sure you will find there are many more of those memorable moments than you realized. And, I have no doubt, that you will soon be noticing that those moments are happening more frequently or that bigger and better changes are occurring.
I sometimes fall into the trap of comparing myself to someone else who appears to be better off or making more progress than me. That is a sure way to feel badly about myself. First, we don’t ever really know how well someone else is doing. Appearances can be deceiving. Second, we are all on different paths, traveling at different speeds. I am not my neighbor or my friend or my co-worker. I am not you and you are not me. We can learn from one another and be inspired by one another, but since we cannot be one another, we are not comparable. I can only judge my progress by my own desires, expectations, and experiences. The same is true of comparing myself to someone who is going through a rougher time than I am currently experiencing. My life and its accomplishments may seem extraordinary if compared to someone who is struggling, but that person’s life has nothing to do with mine. If I compare myself to others, I am taking away my own specialness and individuality and I am denying that I have a purpose and a path that belongs to only me. When I look at another and think they are making less progress than me, I am judging them by a criteria that only applies to my life. My comparison diminishes who they are and who I am.
So my birthday is creeping up and I feel like the past year has been a success. I feel I know myself better now than I did a year ago and that I am moving on the path that is right for me at this time in my life. I found balance and lessons in several unexpected changes and experiences, some that were difficult and sad.
My upcoming year will bring more challenges, changes, blessings and surprises. I will surely have moments of happiness and sadness, probably some fear and disappointment. I plan to write more, visit Mount Dora regularly, do what I can to help my daughter and grandchildren, rejoice in watching the children grown and learn, love my family and friends, work joyfully, laugh as often as I can, release what no longer serves me, embrace new experiences, travel to new places and be grateful for all little and big successes and lessons along the way.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Mount Dora vs. New York City
Since I am so focused on Manifesting Mount Dora now, my favorite little city was on my mind often while I was vacationing in New Jersey and New York City. My man’s niece took us exploring through the two cities in New Jersey where most of their family members lived when first immigrating to the United States. Both cities are very typical of the heavily populated urban areas in New Jersey and New York. Houses, usually three story buildings with each floor being rented out as separate living units, are built very close together - close enough that neighbors can lean out their windows and shake hands. Backyards, other than concrete driveways, are almost none existent and front yards are usually just small porch-like stoops with maybe a small green area between the house and the sidewalk. Because green space is not available for most houses, the cities have several large parks where children play, families gather, dogs romp and sports are played.
I grew up in the country. We owned about eight acres of land and our neighbors owned as much, if not more, property. We all had spacious, but not huge or fancy, single family homes, some two-story and some with just one floor. Homes where children lived usually had swing sets and other play or sports equipment in the yards. I had a horse, well really a pony, named Rusty, and we also had multiple dogs and cats over the years, as well as pet goats, a donkey and some ducks. Our nearest towns did not have much by way of parks because green space was abundant where everyone lived. Most houses were built with plenty of acreage between each and on roads with no sidewalks. I could play on my road for hours and not see another person. I roamed alone through woods and fields and even boated up and down the creek in front of my home. My childhood environment was completely different than the places where my man’s children and nieces and nephews grew up.
Mount Dora is more like my childhood home than the places I saw in New Jersey. Although there are many streets, most with sidewalks and lined with homes, those houses are usually single-family homes with spacious yards. But, Mount Dora is also blessed with many beautiful parks - some dedicated to children, some on the water with boat ramps and docks and some with large fields for playing sports. Although my childhood home was many miles from town, the places where my man lived in New Jersey were always within walking distance of many businesses and that is similar to the “old city” of Mount Dora. I love that I don’t have to drive in New Jersey or NYC - public transportation is abundant and convenient. Mount Dora, like most small cities and particularly those in the South, lacks buses and trains, but because the town is small and very pedestrian-friendly, we can spend several days there only needing to drive if we want to go to a grocery store or some other sort of large commercial business. Maybe that is why my man and I both love Mount Dora so much - it is a combination of what is familiar to both of us.
Of course, New York City, particularly Manhattan, is different than all the places we know well. People live mostly in large apartment buildings or brownstones and most people rent, rather than own. Almost no one owns personal green space so the parks in New York City are large and numerous. While everyone where I've lived in the South and almost everyone in Mount Dora owns a car, very few people in New York City do - instead, they rely on public transit like the subway and other train systems, buses and taxi cabs. Again, the lifestyles of people in various places can differ so greatly, we have a hard time imagining what it would be like to live in a place so different than what we've experienced. I am amazed by the diversity of lifestyles in the United States. No wonder Americans sometimes have a hard time understanding one another.
Perhaps one of the biggest differences between city dwellers and those in rural or small city/town areas is the openness of the people. Where I live now, where I grew up and in Mount Dora, as in most Southern towns and cities, people are very open and expressive. We are quick to introduce ourselves to strangers, usually with a big smile, a handshake or a hug. We greet new neighbors with a plate of cookies or a homemade cake and an invitation to dinner. We easily share our life stories and expect the same of others. We like to chat and gossip and can spend hours conversing. We are quick to offer a helping hand or to accept one. We often think of our neighbors as an extension of our families.
In heavily populated places like NYC, being that open and friendly is not advisable and maybe even dangerous. With so many people, there is no way to know who to trust and who to avoid, so avoidance is the default reaction. I smile easily at the people on the streets of New York and I often get strange looks, as though the recipient of my friendly smile thinks I am mentally unstable. Whereas in Mount Dora or in my own city, I can smile abundantly with no one finding my silent, toothy greeting unusual, odd or alarming.
I have intently studied the NYC subway riders who rarely even acknowledge the presence of one another. They sit stony-faced, listening to music through headphones, playing with their smart phones, reading books or newspapers, or sleeping. Unless traveling with someone else or talking on a phone, those expressionless people speak to no one and rarely make eye contact. In crowded spaces, it is important for people to protect their personal space, which is basically nonexistent on crowded trains. Since it is impossible to prevent the invasion of personal space in such conditions, human beings shut down their non-verbal and, to some extent, their verbal communications by remaining as physically expressionless as possible. Even when I try to make eye contact or prompt a smile from a stranger, I almost always fail and the few times I have succeeded and was able to engage the person in conversation, I inevitably discovered he or she was originally from the South or New England.
A fallacy that I had, and many others have, of New Yorkers is that they are unfriendly or rude. That is just not true. We have never been in a situation of needing help that someone did not offer assistance. The first time my man took me to NYC, he was shocked to discover the subways no longer had booths with human beings selling tokens to ride the trains. Booths, people and tokens had been replaced with computers and printed tickets. He had no idea how to use the ticket computers and although I could navigate the screens, I had no idea what choices to make regarding tickets, routes, etc. We stood before one of those computer boxes looking confused and worried when a businessman using the machine next to us noticed our states of panic. Without introduction or chit-chat, he brusquely offered to help, rapidly showed us how to use the computer and quickly disappeared with us yelling, “Thank you!” as he was engulfed in a sea of suits. In the South, the same man would have politely asked if we needed help, he would then have introduced himself and perhaps shared a personal comment or two and then he would have slowly instructed us on the use of the computer and then repeated all the steps to make sure we “got it”, asked if we understood completely, stood nearby to confirm that we were able to purchase our tickets with no problems and then, when he was assured all was well, he would have said good-bye, giving us ample opportunity to say thank-you (probably more than once) and he then would have strolled away after wishing us a good day. The help presented to us in NYC came in a different package, but it was help nonetheless. The businessman saw people in distress and jumped in to give assistance. He did not have spare minutes to pass the time of day. He did not need to know our names nor did he need to share his. He showed us what to do, expected us to pay attention and understand the first time and when his work was done, he left. Short, sweet and to the point. Maybe not what we would call a friendly exchange, but still an act of kindness between strangers.
I love NYC. I love the energy, the excitement, the culture, and the constantly changing environment. But, being there made me realize how strongly I appreciate the small-town feeling of Mount Dora - the friendliness of the people, the slower pace of life, the quiet atmosphere. After vacationing in NYC, I feel I need a vacation from my vacation! But, when I take a break in Mount Dora, I really feel like my battery is recharged. Both places are fabulous, but when it comes to choosing a place to live, I choose Mount Dora.
Being in New Jersey and New York City, provided me with a much needed change of scenery and helped me to appreciate what I have and what I want to manifest. It is always good to have new and different experiences - they broaden our perspectives, increase our knowledge, activate our creativity and help us to better define who we are and what we want. And I know that I still want to Manifest Mount Dora!
I grew up in the country. We owned about eight acres of land and our neighbors owned as much, if not more, property. We all had spacious, but not huge or fancy, single family homes, some two-story and some with just one floor. Homes where children lived usually had swing sets and other play or sports equipment in the yards. I had a horse, well really a pony, named Rusty, and we also had multiple dogs and cats over the years, as well as pet goats, a donkey and some ducks. Our nearest towns did not have much by way of parks because green space was abundant where everyone lived. Most houses were built with plenty of acreage between each and on roads with no sidewalks. I could play on my road for hours and not see another person. I roamed alone through woods and fields and even boated up and down the creek in front of my home. My childhood environment was completely different than the places where my man’s children and nieces and nephews grew up.
Mount Dora is more like my childhood home than the places I saw in New Jersey. Although there are many streets, most with sidewalks and lined with homes, those houses are usually single-family homes with spacious yards. But, Mount Dora is also blessed with many beautiful parks - some dedicated to children, some on the water with boat ramps and docks and some with large fields for playing sports. Although my childhood home was many miles from town, the places where my man lived in New Jersey were always within walking distance of many businesses and that is similar to the “old city” of Mount Dora. I love that I don’t have to drive in New Jersey or NYC - public transportation is abundant and convenient. Mount Dora, like most small cities and particularly those in the South, lacks buses and trains, but because the town is small and very pedestrian-friendly, we can spend several days there only needing to drive if we want to go to a grocery store or some other sort of large commercial business. Maybe that is why my man and I both love Mount Dora so much - it is a combination of what is familiar to both of us.
Of course, New York City, particularly Manhattan, is different than all the places we know well. People live mostly in large apartment buildings or brownstones and most people rent, rather than own. Almost no one owns personal green space so the parks in New York City are large and numerous. While everyone where I've lived in the South and almost everyone in Mount Dora owns a car, very few people in New York City do - instead, they rely on public transit like the subway and other train systems, buses and taxi cabs. Again, the lifestyles of people in various places can differ so greatly, we have a hard time imagining what it would be like to live in a place so different than what we've experienced. I am amazed by the diversity of lifestyles in the United States. No wonder Americans sometimes have a hard time understanding one another.
Perhaps one of the biggest differences between city dwellers and those in rural or small city/town areas is the openness of the people. Where I live now, where I grew up and in Mount Dora, as in most Southern towns and cities, people are very open and expressive. We are quick to introduce ourselves to strangers, usually with a big smile, a handshake or a hug. We greet new neighbors with a plate of cookies or a homemade cake and an invitation to dinner. We easily share our life stories and expect the same of others. We like to chat and gossip and can spend hours conversing. We are quick to offer a helping hand or to accept one. We often think of our neighbors as an extension of our families.
In heavily populated places like NYC, being that open and friendly is not advisable and maybe even dangerous. With so many people, there is no way to know who to trust and who to avoid, so avoidance is the default reaction. I smile easily at the people on the streets of New York and I often get strange looks, as though the recipient of my friendly smile thinks I am mentally unstable. Whereas in Mount Dora or in my own city, I can smile abundantly with no one finding my silent, toothy greeting unusual, odd or alarming.
I have intently studied the NYC subway riders who rarely even acknowledge the presence of one another. They sit stony-faced, listening to music through headphones, playing with their smart phones, reading books or newspapers, or sleeping. Unless traveling with someone else or talking on a phone, those expressionless people speak to no one and rarely make eye contact. In crowded spaces, it is important for people to protect their personal space, which is basically nonexistent on crowded trains. Since it is impossible to prevent the invasion of personal space in such conditions, human beings shut down their non-verbal and, to some extent, their verbal communications by remaining as physically expressionless as possible. Even when I try to make eye contact or prompt a smile from a stranger, I almost always fail and the few times I have succeeded and was able to engage the person in conversation, I inevitably discovered he or she was originally from the South or New England.
A fallacy that I had, and many others have, of New Yorkers is that they are unfriendly or rude. That is just not true. We have never been in a situation of needing help that someone did not offer assistance. The first time my man took me to NYC, he was shocked to discover the subways no longer had booths with human beings selling tokens to ride the trains. Booths, people and tokens had been replaced with computers and printed tickets. He had no idea how to use the ticket computers and although I could navigate the screens, I had no idea what choices to make regarding tickets, routes, etc. We stood before one of those computer boxes looking confused and worried when a businessman using the machine next to us noticed our states of panic. Without introduction or chit-chat, he brusquely offered to help, rapidly showed us how to use the computer and quickly disappeared with us yelling, “Thank you!” as he was engulfed in a sea of suits. In the South, the same man would have politely asked if we needed help, he would then have introduced himself and perhaps shared a personal comment or two and then he would have slowly instructed us on the use of the computer and then repeated all the steps to make sure we “got it”, asked if we understood completely, stood nearby to confirm that we were able to purchase our tickets with no problems and then, when he was assured all was well, he would have said good-bye, giving us ample opportunity to say thank-you (probably more than once) and he then would have strolled away after wishing us a good day. The help presented to us in NYC came in a different package, but it was help nonetheless. The businessman saw people in distress and jumped in to give assistance. He did not have spare minutes to pass the time of day. He did not need to know our names nor did he need to share his. He showed us what to do, expected us to pay attention and understand the first time and when his work was done, he left. Short, sweet and to the point. Maybe not what we would call a friendly exchange, but still an act of kindness between strangers.
I love NYC. I love the energy, the excitement, the culture, and the constantly changing environment. But, being there made me realize how strongly I appreciate the small-town feeling of Mount Dora - the friendliness of the people, the slower pace of life, the quiet atmosphere. After vacationing in NYC, I feel I need a vacation from my vacation! But, when I take a break in Mount Dora, I really feel like my battery is recharged. Both places are fabulous, but when it comes to choosing a place to live, I choose Mount Dora.
Being in New Jersey and New York City, provided me with a much needed change of scenery and helped me to appreciate what I have and what I want to manifest. It is always good to have new and different experiences - they broaden our perspectives, increase our knowledge, activate our creativity and help us to better define who we are and what we want. And I know that I still want to Manifest Mount Dora!
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Distance
Right now, my dream of Mount Dora seems far away. For two weeks my focus was on getting well and, although I am much better, I am still running with a less than full tank. Now I am focusing on getting ready for our fast-approaching eight-day vacation. Since I was already behind at work from illness, the last few days have felt a little hectic as I tried to get caught up as well as get ahead before my vacation. I also have been helping out more often with my grandchildren and as wonderful as it is to be more actively involved in their lives, it can also be very tiring keeping up with two children under the age of six! Each night during the last three weeks, I fell exhausted into bed, not feeling very inclined to engage in manifesting practices and meditations. It has even been more than a week since my last blog post. My birth year is winding down and, in previous years, the autumn months before my birthday have produced the biggest changes of my year. The days are passing and at this moment I feel no closer to what I want to manifest.
I could feel sad or disappointed or hopeless, but I don’t. I have to live life as it comes and I still have my eye on the prize. Over the last three weeks, I may not have been focusing on it as much, but I have not forgotten it and I am still doing little things to keep my Mount Dora project on my mind. But, it did take a backseat to getting well, to caring for my grandchildren, to getting caught up at work and to getting ready for vacation. A vacation from my routine, even the daily manifesting habits I have cultivated, is a good thing. Even a fun, interesting and inspiring project like Manifesting Mount Dora can turn old and tired without a break. All but one of our mini vacations this year were spent in Mount Dora and as much as I love those long weekend trips to my favorite town, I think its time for a change of scenery.
Have you ever been working hard or studying intently and your mind just freezes or your brain becomes so tired you cannot think anymore or absorb anymore? What do you do? Take a break. Go for a walk, engage in another activity, take a nap, play with your cat. Well, my break will be a few days in New Jersey and New York. I will be looking at skyscrapers rather than the one and two story buildings of Mount Dora. I will be walking in Central and Washington Square Parks rather than Donnelly and Grantham Parks. I will stroll down Broadway and Fifth Avenue rather than Baker and Tremain Streets. I will be surrounded by the hectic bustling of a mega-city, rather than the laid back, slow-paced atmosphere of a small, Southern town. I will be donning jackets and socks rather than t-shirts and sandals. The change will be refreshing and invigorating.
As I prepare to go, I am filled with gratitude that I am able to take this trip, that my daughter and other family and friends will take care of things at home while I am gone, that my clients are flexible enough to allow me an eight-day vacation, that my man's mother is a gracious, fun and loving hostess to us while we are there, that his niece and/or sister provide us with transportation to and from the train station and, most of all, that four years ago my man introduced me to the excitement and beauty of New York City.
I will have limited time and intermittent internet access for more than a week, so my blog may lay dormant during that time, but that is okay, too. Even a break from writing this blog, which I love doing, can be renewing. Because life can become too predictable and too ruttish, we all need time off, downtime, time to have new experiences and see new sights and that is exactly what I am going to do!! I plan to return feeling healthy, happy, strengthened and focused.
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