Chaos and Dancing Stars

Fact about me: in the gray cold of winter, I cannot recall the golden warmth of summer.  I am one of those people who is mired in my current condition, feeling as though it were always so.

Well, at least that is true when it comes to negative conditions.  I was always cold, always sad, always sick, always broke, always lonely, always tired.  If I am thirsty, the glass is always half empty.  No doubt, this is caused by a depressive-type personality.  I believe I was born with some kind of gene that makes me lean to the dark side.  My natural mom, who died when I was two months old, experienced, or so I gleaned from the stories I was told, anxiety and depression to the point of seeking professional treatment.  Since she died when I was so young, my own experiences with depression were not learned from her and I never knew others in my childhood world who were plagued with similar emotional disorders, so I am left to assume there is a genetic reason for my easy fall into hopelessness.  With the exception of the last few years of my marriage, these downward spirals rarely last long, and have never hampered my ability to work and deal with everyday life.  I just get blue.  And that is where I have been since mid-November.  After several sad and worrisome occurrences, I became stuck in a deep, dark funk.

In my last few posts I documented some of the happenings in my life that swept me from the hopeful world I was inhabiting.  I limped through the holidays feeling sad, tired and overwhelmed.  I greeted January, my busiest work time of the year, with no energy and worked long hours with no enthusiasm.  By mid-month, I succumbed to a bad cold.  Severe congestion and uncontrollable coughing zapped what was left of my strength and interrupted my sleep.  Not being able to take time off to rest and get well, I kept moving forward through days that seemed to last weeks.

While I was struggling with my declining health, my 14 year-old dog Winnie came down with upper respiratory and sinus infections, resulting in a constant bloody nasal discharge.  My big, affectionate protector was unbearably weak, looking at me with sad eyes that begged for relief.  A massive antibiotic treatment failed to help her and she steadily worsened during one very long night, leaving my vet to believe her infections were caused by cancerous conditions.  With no hope for my gentle giant to get better especially considering her age, my man and I made the sad, but compassionate, decision to end her suffering.  Unable to stop my flow of tears, I took the day off work and buried my dear old friend.  Hours spent crying just worsened my condition and my cold degraded to the bronchitis from which I am still trying to recover.

January was a bad month.  And, yet, in spite of the work, the illness, the loss of my dog, I ended the month feeling a little more hopeful than how I started the new year.  I cannot explain why.  Perhaps, it is the ever returning encouragement of spring.  An unusually warm January brought about an explosion of flowers, leaves and green grass fooling us into believing that winter had passed.  But even now, when the unseasonable heat has given way to more typical winter temperatures, when I am back to covering my more delicate plants and wrapping the outside faucets to protect them from freezing, I still feel like the world and I have recovered from the dark sadness of winter.

It is now as I lift my head above the clouds of despair that I can honestly see my tendency to give up when I am feeling tired and overwhelmed.  I went through some rough, sad times last year and, overall, I believe I did well.  But, when I become physically tired to the point that I can no longer find a way to rest, I lose my resolve to stay positive and upbeat.  The answer is, obviously, to not get so rundown that I cannot get up again.  Easier written than done.

Life can be so demanding.  Work needs to be done, people need to be cared for, problems need to solved, accidents happen, people and pets die, things stop working, illness attacks.  All this stuff happens on no one’s schedule.  We try and try, but we cannot schedule life.  There are days without enough hours.  There are nights without sleep.  And, those are the times that sink me.  I know this, but can I prevent being capsized by the unexpected?  I think all the junk of life has a cumulative effect, like a boat with a small leak.  Just a little water onboard, then a little more, after awhile the water is ankle deep, then knee deep and then, too late, the ship is going down.

I thought age would make me stronger, but it hasn’t.  Perhaps a little wiser, but definitely not stronger.  I may be better at distinguishing the little annoyances from the bigger problems, but I don’t know that I am any better at solving the dilemmas that sucker punch me in the gut.

I’ve noticed that when life gets difficult and I get tired, confusion sets in.  My house gets out of order, nothing can be found on my desk, my purse is a black hole, my car looks like a homeless camp.  Everything gets out-of-hand.  There is not enough time or energy to do anything about the chaos, so the confusion worsens.  Places that should be my refuge fill me with guilt.  I am there now.  I have been working a great deal, much has been happening, I have been physically ill and weary, and my life feels like a jigsaw puzzle with most of the pieces missing.  What time I have is spent keeping my clients organized while my own life feels misplaced, disorganized and bewildering.  And it is in the state of confusion that I came upon this quote which gave me hope:

One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star:   Friedrich Nietzsche

Should that be true, there is great hope for me and on that I am relying until something better comes along.

Honesty and Sadness

When I started this blog, I promised myself I would be honest about what was happening in my life and how I was feeling - the good and the bad.  It hasn't been easy.  Being so open in a public forum is often difficult.  And, today, it is especially challenging.

I am really down.  I feel like manifesting Mount Dora or anything else is a joke, a waste of time, a pipe dream.  Saying that is so hard for me, but that is exactly how I feel.  I feel old and tired and there is just no energy left in me to do any more than the day-to-day activities that are necessary.

When I was in Mount Dora last weekend, I felt disconnected from life there.  Usually, as I enter Mount Dora, I feel as though I am arriving home, but not last week.  No longer could I see myself living there or doing anything other than what I do week-in-and-week-out in my present life, in my present location.

Over the last week I have thought about other big dreams I've had that never came to fruition.  Some I had before I knew about the Law of Attraction, but I know I was using many of the same manifesting processes as just part of the normal activities of hoping and dreaming.  Later, I consciously applied the Law of Attraction to other dreams, although not to the extent I am now.  As I look back on those dreams - and I am talking about big ones - none of them came true.  As I have often said before, maybe those dreams were not the best for me and maybe I am better off that they were not manifested, but, as often as I have believed that, now I am not sure.  And, if that is true, who is to say that my dream of manifesting Mount Dora is not the same and that the result will not be the same?  How long do I keep trying before I give up?  How much more energy to I waste on something that may never come to pass?

I have also been struggling with memories of a former friend who died of cancer last month.  When I first met her she was studying to be a Law of Attraction facilitator under the tutelage of Jack Canfield and others.  She attended seminars and workshops and eventually received her certification.  She then had seminars and workshops of her own - some that I attended.  She also offered private sessions.  She joined networking groups around town to promote her business, but still she struggled and was eventually forced to give up the office she was renting.  Almost every day I drive past a building that she dreamed of owning as her personal home and office.  It is a lovely, older stone house that is zoned for both commercial and residential use.  She used all of her Law of Attraction knowledge to manifest that place, but it never happened.  I lost contact with her during the past two years, so I don't know all the details of her most recent activities, but I do know she died of cancer and I am sure that is not something she was trying to manifest.

I am disheartened to think of her and how her life ended and what I see as dreams she never manifested even though she knew more about manifesting than I do.  Yes, I know there are probably many other factors  of which I am not aware, but still I feel so much sadness when I think of how her life did not evolve the way she dreamed of and worked for.  She was one year older than me and she expected to live many more years and to manifest many more dreams.  I am two years shy of 60 and I feel my time is running out to fulfill my dreams and still have time to enjoy them.  Every day seems to bring another ache or pain, more tiredness, more disinterest in what used to hold my attention.      

Perhaps this disheartening feeling will pass; maybe I will get back on the manifesting path.  A friend in whom I recently confided suggested I let my Manifesting Mount Dora project "simmer" for awhile.  I guess that means to disengage myself and that seems to be happening anyway.  My man and I will be going to Mount Dora later this month and as much as I want to be excited about the trip, I'm not.  I look forward to the rest and to something different from my normal routine, but nothing more.

This is as brutally honest as I can be.  Hard to think about and hard to write, but true, nonetheless.  

Mount Dora vs. New York City

Since I am so focused on Manifesting Mount Dora now, my favorite little city was on my mind often while I was vacationing in New Jersey and New York City. My man’s niece took us exploring through the two cities in New Jersey where most of their family members lived when first immigrating to the United States. Both cities are very typical of the heavily populated urban areas in New Jersey and New York. Houses, usually three story buildings with each floor being rented out as separate living units, are built very close together - close enough that neighbors can lean out their windows and shake hands. Backyards, other than concrete driveways, are almost none existent and front yards are usually just small porch-like stoops with maybe a small green area between the house and the sidewalk. Because green space is not available for most houses, the cities have several large parks where children play, families gather, dogs romp and sports are played.

 I grew up in the country. We owned about eight acres of land and our neighbors owned as much, if not more, property. We all had spacious, but not huge or fancy, single family homes, some two-story and some with just one floor. Homes where children lived usually had swing sets and other play or sports equipment in the yards. I had a horse, well really a pony, named Rusty, and we also had multiple dogs and cats over the years, as well as pet goats, a donkey and some ducks. Our nearest towns did not have much by way of parks because green space was abundant where everyone lived. Most houses were built with plenty of acreage between each and on roads with no sidewalks. I could play on my road for hours and not see another person. I roamed alone through woods and fields and even boated up and down the creek in front of my home. My childhood environment was completely different than the places where my man’s children and nieces and nephews grew up.

Mount Dora is more like my childhood home than the places I saw in New Jersey. Although there are many streets, most with sidewalks and lined with homes, those houses are usually single-family homes with spacious yards. But, Mount Dora is also blessed with many beautiful parks - some dedicated to children, some on the water with boat ramps and docks and some with large fields for playing sports. Although my childhood home was many miles from town, the places where my man lived in New Jersey were always within walking distance of many businesses and that is similar to the “old city” of Mount Dora. I love that I don’t have to drive in New Jersey or NYC - public transportation is abundant and convenient. Mount Dora, like most small cities and particularly those in the South, lacks buses and trains, but because the town is small and very pedestrian-friendly, we can spend several days there only needing to drive if we want to go to a grocery store or some other sort of large commercial business. Maybe that is why my man and I both love Mount Dora so much - it is a combination of what is familiar to both of us.

Of course, New York City, particularly Manhattan, is different than all the places we know well. People live mostly in large apartment buildings or brownstones and most people rent, rather than own. Almost no one owns personal green space so the parks in New York City are large and numerous. While everyone where I've lived in the South and almost everyone in Mount Dora owns a car, very few people in New York City do - instead, they rely on public transit like the subway and other train systems, buses and taxi cabs. Again, the lifestyles of people in various places can differ so greatly, we have a hard time imagining what it would be like to live in a place so different than what we've experienced. I am amazed by the diversity of lifestyles in the United States. No wonder Americans sometimes have a hard time understanding one another.

Perhaps one of the biggest differences between city dwellers and those in rural or small city/town areas is the openness of the people. Where I live now, where I grew up and in Mount Dora, as in most Southern towns and cities, people are very open and expressive. We are quick to introduce ourselves to strangers, usually with a big smile, a handshake or a hug. We greet new neighbors with a plate of cookies or a homemade cake and an invitation to dinner. We easily share our life stories and expect the same of others. We like to chat and gossip and can spend hours conversing. We are quick to offer a helping hand or to accept one. We often think of our neighbors as an extension of our families.

In heavily populated places like NYC, being that open and friendly is not advisable and maybe even dangerous. With so many people, there is no way to know who to trust and who to avoid, so avoidance is the default reaction. I smile easily at the people on the streets of New York and I often get strange looks, as though the recipient of my friendly smile thinks I am mentally unstable. Whereas in Mount Dora or in my own city, I can smile abundantly with no one finding my silent, toothy greeting unusual, odd or alarming.

I have intently studied the NYC subway riders who rarely even acknowledge the presence of one another. They sit stony-faced, listening to music through headphones, playing with their smart phones, reading books or newspapers, or sleeping. Unless traveling with someone else or talking on a phone, those expressionless people speak to no one and rarely make eye contact. In crowded spaces, it is important for people to protect their personal space, which is basically nonexistent on crowded trains. Since it is impossible to prevent the invasion of personal space in such conditions, human beings shut down their non-verbal and, to some extent, their verbal communications by remaining as physically expressionless as possible. Even when I try to make eye contact or prompt a smile from a stranger, I almost always fail and the few times I have succeeded and was able to engage the person in conversation, I inevitably discovered he or she was originally from the South or New England.

A fallacy that I had, and many others have, of New Yorkers is that they are unfriendly or rude. That is just not true. We have never been in a situation of needing help that someone did not offer assistance. The first time my man took me to NYC, he was shocked to discover the subways no longer had booths with human beings selling tokens to ride the trains. Booths, people and tokens had been replaced with computers and printed tickets. He had no idea how to use the ticket computers and although I could navigate the screens, I had no idea what choices to make regarding tickets, routes, etc. We stood before one of those computer boxes looking confused and worried when a businessman using the machine next to us noticed our states of panic. Without introduction or chit-chat, he brusquely offered to help, rapidly showed us how to use the computer and quickly disappeared with us yelling, “Thank you!” as he was engulfed in a sea of suits. In the South, the same man would have politely asked if we needed help, he would then have introduced himself and perhaps shared a personal comment or two and then he would have slowly instructed us on the use of the computer and then repeated all the steps to make sure we “got it”, asked if we understood completely, stood nearby to confirm that we were able to purchase our tickets with no problems and then, when he was assured all was well, he would have said good-bye, giving us ample opportunity to say thank-you (probably more than once) and he then would have strolled away after wishing us a good day. The help presented to us in NYC came in a different package, but it was help nonetheless. The businessman saw people in distress and jumped in to give assistance. He did not have spare minutes to pass the time of day. He did not need to know our names nor did he need to share his. He showed us what to do, expected us to pay attention and understand the first time and when his work was done, he left. Short, sweet and to the point. Maybe not what we would call a friendly exchange, but still an act of kindness between strangers.

I love NYC. I love the energy, the excitement, the culture, and the constantly changing environment. But, being there made me realize how strongly I appreciate the small-town feeling of Mount Dora - the friendliness of the people, the slower pace of life, the quiet atmosphere. After vacationing in NYC, I feel I need a vacation from my vacation! But, when I take a break in Mount Dora, I really feel like my battery is recharged. Both places are fabulous, but when it comes to choosing a place to live, I choose Mount Dora.

Being in New Jersey and New York City, provided me with a much needed change of scenery and helped me to appreciate what I have and what I want to manifest. It is always good to have new and different experiences - they broaden our perspectives, increase our knowledge, activate our creativity and help us to better define who we are and what we want. And I know that I still want to Manifest Mount Dora!

Distance

Right now, my dream of Mount Dora seems far away.  For two weeks my focus was on getting well and, although I am much better, I am still running with a less than full tank.  Now I am focusing on getting ready for our fast-approaching eight-day vacation.  Since I was already behind at work from illness, the last few days have felt a little hectic as I tried to get caught up as well as get ahead before my vacation. I also have been helping out more often with my grandchildren and as wonderful as it is to be more actively involved in their lives, it can also be very tiring keeping up with two children under the age of six!  Each night during the last three weeks, I fell exhausted into bed, not feeling very inclined to engage in manifesting practices and meditations.  It has even been more than a week since my last blog post.  My birth year is winding down and, in previous years, the autumn months before my birthday have produced the biggest changes of my year.  The days are passing and at this moment I feel no closer to what I want to manifest.

I could feel sad or disappointed or hopeless, but I don’t.  I have to live life as it comes and I still have my eye on the prize.  Over the last three weeks, I may not have been focusing on it as much, but I have not forgotten it and I am still doing little things to keep my Mount Dora project on my mind.  But, it did take a backseat to getting well, to caring for my grandchildren, to getting caught up at work and to getting ready for vacation.  A vacation from my routine, even the daily manifesting habits I have cultivated, is a good thing. Even a fun, interesting and inspiring project like Manifesting Mount Dora can turn old and tired without a break.  All but one of our mini vacations this year were spent in Mount Dora and as much as I love those long weekend trips to my favorite town, I think its time for a change of scenery.

Have you ever been working hard or studying intently and your mind just freezes or your brain becomes so tired you cannot think anymore or absorb anymore?  What do you do?  Take a break.  Go for a walk, engage in another activity, take a nap, play with your cat.  Well, my break will be a few days in New Jersey and New York.  I will be looking at skyscrapers rather than the one and two story buildings of Mount Dora. I will be walking in Central and Washington Square Parks rather than Donnelly and Grantham Parks. I will stroll down Broadway and Fifth Avenue rather than Baker and Tremain Streets. I will be surrounded by the hectic bustling of a mega-city, rather than the laid back, slow-paced atmosphere of a small, Southern town. I will be donning jackets and socks rather than t-shirts and sandals.  The change will be refreshing and invigorating.

As I prepare to go, I am filled with gratitude that I am able to take this trip, that my daughter and other family and friends will take care of things at home while I am gone, that my clients are flexible enough to allow me an eight-day vacation, that my man's mother is a gracious, fun and loving hostess to us while we are there, that his niece and/or sister provide us with transportation to and from the train station and, most of all, that four years ago my man  introduced me to the excitement and beauty of New York City.

I will have limited time and intermittent internet access for more than a week, so my blog may lay dormant during that time, but that is okay, too.  Even a break from writing this blog, which I love doing, can be renewing.  Because life can become too predictable and too ruttish, we all need time off, downtime, time to have new experiences and see new sights and that is exactly what I am going to do!!  I plan to return feeling healthy, happy, strengthened and focused. 

Mount Dora on Dwellable

Sickbed Lessons

I’ve been sick for more than a week.  Doctor called it “a virus mimicking the flu” that had spawned a sinus infection.  Never have antibiotics been a problem for me, but this time the side-effects of those pills the size of a child’s thumb were nearly as bad as the “virus mimicking the flu” and, in some ways, worse.  My congestion, sinus affection and cough are better but my digestive tract is a wreck and I am weak and dizzy.  Against the dire warnings on the pill bottle label, I have ceased taking the antibiotics - I will take my chances - and am hoping my biological system with right itself in a day or two.   

I worked only sporadically last week and am feeling my stress level climb as I think about the backlog of work that needs to be done before our vacation in less than two weeks.  Today, I am trying, slowly, to accomplish at least a couple of tasks in spite of my depleted state.  My goal is to keep my attention on whatever task is at hand and not obsess about what has been left undone.  

Being sidelined this past week with illness has given me many hours to think.  I thought a great deal about how I/we take our health for granted.  Something as relatively small as a virus can turn daily life upside-down.  I miss feeling well.  I miss having energy.  And, that makes me think about those with more serious, longer-lasting and perhaps even life-threatening illnesses and conditions.  I feel great compassion for anyone who deals with feeling badly every day and great admiration for those who move forward in spite of their physical challenges.  My health needs to be noted in my gratitude journal more often so I won’t take it for granted.  

Yes, my work is languishing, but my clients are still in business.  My illness has caused some inconveniences for a few people, but no one complained and everyone’s life has moved forward with no harm.  Usually what I/we think of as a huge problem is more of a hiccup in life.  I’ve had time to appreciate those who adjust to the bumps in each day, picking up the slack when needed, easing the way for someone like me who may not be at the top of her game for a few days.  

I thought about what makes a normal day successful.  It’s not the big things, not the huge accomplishments, not the over-the-top moments.  A successful day is simply waking up feeling well, having water and electricity to make life easier and food to provide nourishment, having transportation to some sort of work that provides income and a feeling of self-worth and accomplishment, having family and friends to love, having moments of joy filled with laughter, and, finally, sinking into a comfortable, warm bed at night.  My days are successful when my daughter and I have a few moments of conversation and sharing, when my grandchildren hug and kiss me, when my man makes me laugh, when my pets look at me with devotion, when my work is honest and well received.  

So, what does this have to do with Manifesting Mount Dora?  A big part of manifesting something new is appreciating the old - being thankful for what you already have, especially the taken-for-granted everyday blessings.  Getting sick slowed me down and helped me appreciate that my “everydays” are amazing.  I am so grateful to have such a life that I can actually have a project like Manifesting Mount Dora!  For so many, their manifesting project would be to create a life with enough food to never feel hungry, steady work to always have enough money to pay the bills, a safe and comfortable place to live, the love and support of family and friends, and the freedom to pursue education, self-fulfillment and personal dreams.  Our paths are different, but we all want to manifest SOMETHING.  And to move forward on any path, we need to look behind us with appreciation and gratitude and to look forward with appreciation and gratitude because that is what life is about - appreciation and gratitude.  

Living Life As It Is

Last week, at this time, my man and I were in Mount Dora.  So was Tropical Storm Isaac.  That seems to be the theme of the summer, we escape for rest and relaxation and are accompanied by a tropical storm.  It happened in May with Tropical Storm Beryl, in June with Debby and last week with Isaac.  Fortunately, we stayed safe and still had a good time and our home and family, who also were in the path of the three storms, suffered no ill effects of the unpredictable weather.  


Being in Mount Dora, as always, was restorative.  Much rest, walks in the rain or between the rains, lots of reading, some writing, naps, visits with people we have come to know in our favorite town and the pleasure of meeting other residents, and many good meals.  Good times can be had even in threatening weather.  We discovered a book store called Barrel of Books and Games where I purchased some gifts for my grandchildren and several books, including a three-book series of novels that take place in Mount Dora called the Fairlawn Series by Angela Hunt.  Last night, having completed a wonderful novel about people and dogs living near Central Park in Manhattan (another of my favorite places) called “The New Yorkers”, I started the first in the Fairlawn series, “Doesn’t She Look Natural?”  I am enjoying the story very much in spite of the slight “Christian” side-theme, which is present but not preachy.  The story is not unusual: husband has mid-life crisis leaving his wife and two sons for their nanny, who is, of course, a fraction of his age.  Mom is left struggling financially, forced to sell their home and move in with her retired mother, searching for a job in Washington, D.C. while hindered by her powerful husband’s influence there, and trying to remain hopeful about the future as she assumes almost full responsibility for raising their two sons.  I have just reached the part when Mount Dora enters the picture.  Mom inherits, from an barely-known great-uncle, a funeral home in Mount Dora and will end up moving her children there to assume management of a business about which she knows nothing.  I am looking forward to seeing how Mount Dora is portrayed in the book - favorably, I am sure, since the book is sold and promoted in the town!  I like the idea of the unknown business challenge and am interested in seeing how mom and boys adjust to their new lives in Mount Dora, so far-removed and so immensely different than their lifestyle and  experiences in the D.C. area.

My Labor Day weekend plans to finish painting the table and chairs I purchased for my grandchildren back in July were pushed aside when my client, who has closed his business but still needs me to work for him until the end of the year, decided that he does not want to keep his office available as a place for me to work and asked me to transfer his bookkeeping records, computer and printer and some office supplies to my house.  Since my house is overflowing with three adults and two children living here full-time and two other family members staying for weeks at a time several times a year, it was a challenge to make room for more stuff.  But, because he was not only a good client but also a friend, I did my best to accommodate his wishes.  More rearranging, more organizing, but I think I made it work.  Waiting now for my computer-expert friend to come by and tweak what I started, but I am confident we can make the situation satisfactory.  

On Thursday, I leave for a women-only retreat called Expanding Past The Fear at an ocean resort in the Florida Panhandle.  I am excited to be part of this event.  Not only will it involve lots of self-care, but we will work through our fears - fears that may be holding us back from who we should be and what we should be doing.  I believe that we are all a work-in-progress and anything we can do to improve who we are and where we are furthers us on our path to prosperity and personal fulfillment.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to be part of this retreat!

Life continues even when you have a manifestation project.  You cannot stop living, nor should you, to concentrate on what you want to create in the future.  I know people who put their current lives on hold to while away the hours dreaming of what they want the future to hold.  Life is about energy and energy is about action.  Action is in the present, the now.  Work must be done, bills paid, food prepared, lawns mowed, clothes washed, children hugged, school lessons learned, floors swept, bodies showered, books read.  Our actions must naturally revolve around what creates and maintains the life we are living right now, but we also should carve out time for what we want to manifest.  Just a little time.  Some meditation, some visualization every day.  Some journaling is good and for me, blogging.  For whatever it is you want to manifest, set aside a little time everyday, even if no more than fifteen minutes, to keep your dream alive and fresh.  Embrace and participate in the life you have now, even if your desire is to create a new, different life.  Appreciate what you have now to energize what you want in the future.

Sharing The Energy

I am energetic and excited about my Manifesting Mount Dora project.  I love writing this blog about it.  I love thinking about Mount Dora, visiting there regularly and visualizing our home and life there.  Some days my enthusiasm is higher than others and, although I can usually conjure up at least some positive thoughts about my manifesting enterprise, little help is welcome.  In answer to my desire for help, The Universe provided a class. 

About two or three weeks ago, I was nearly finished reading a book called "Creating Money: Attracting Abundance" by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer - a book I had hesitated reading because of the title - I feared it would be overly materialistic, but that was not the case at all.  In fact, the book looks evenly at abundance from all aspects, not just the money angle.  At the end of each chapter there are exercises called "playbooks", but I had skipped those intending to come back to them later.  To my surprise, as I neared the end of the book, I received a Facebook message from Mary Madeline Day inviting me to a class on that same book.  Her class would run for 12 weeks on Tuesdays.  Tuesdays are not good for me and I emailed her my regrets about not being able to attend.  Since I was the first person to show an interest in the class, she offered to move it to whatever night worked for me.  Not only did I get a great class to help bolster my manifesting enthusiasm, but I was given the opportunity to choose the day of the week for the class! 

Our first class had 13 people in attendance, including Madeline.  Many had not known about the class or decided to attend until late that afternoon and I believe I was the only person, other than Madeline, who had previously read the book.  In fact, most did not even have a copy of the book.  The bulk of our time was spent getting to know one another and sharing why we were there and what we wanted to gain from the class, ending with a meditation.  We had another session last night and I thoroughly enjoyed the entire experience, especially the sharing of experiences and insights.  A standout inspiration for me was when one of my classmates shared that he had been trying to manifest a new mate and he always imagined the needs and desires that she would fulfill for him, seeing himself as the magnet attracting her. During a recent visualization practice, he was inspired to start thinking of her as trying to manifest him and what needs and desires he could answer in her life.  Changing his imagery to include her as a manifestor increased the power he felt when he was doing his visualization.  What a wonderful idea to think not only of me as manifesting something, but also think of that thing or person as manifesting me.  I can imagine a house in Mount Dora waiting for my family and me to fill its emptiness with laughter and love. Since everything is energy, it is easy to imagine even inanimate objects as sending out magnetic rays to attract you at the same time you are engaged in attraction practices on your end.  I loved this idea and am now practicing it regularly. 

This week I managed to manifest a painting into my life.  I took advantage of my grandchildren being gone for two weeks to redecorate my living room and dining room.  I have worked hard on this project which is why I have not been blogging as much.  I am determined to get everything completed before they arrive home on Sunday.  After my mom passed away, I inherited a framed magazine cover that shows a photo of her and another bicycle racer (she was one of the first female bicycle racers).  The frame is of a rather old-fashioned gold style that matches nothing I have, but I was afraid that the magazine cover would disintegrate if I tried to reframe it.  I decided to place it on a wall in my dining room, but it there was too much space around it.  Something else needed to be added, but I had nothing that matched the gold frame.  I shopped and shopped looking for a gold frame that I could use for some other photo I had on hand or a piece of artwork with a gold frame that would be complimentary, but I found nothing.  Soon I fell into the time-is-running-out-I-have-to-get-this-done-NOW mindset, which inevitably leads to poor choices and wasted money.  Time to chill.  So what if I don't finish that one wall before the children return?  Its okay.  So, I let it be, just staring at it from time to time, imagining what might look good there.  Fast forward a few days.  One of my clients is in the process of closing his business and out of the blue he offered to give me one of the paintings in his office.  I never told him this, but for the past 14 years working there I have admired and lusted for that painting.  And, conveniently, it is in a gold frame and is the right size to compliment my mom's photo!  To make it even better, the painting is called "The Grandmother of God" - somehow that seems a fitting name for a piece of artwork to hang next to my deceased mom's photo.  All that time I spent staring at the empty wall space and imagining what would look nice there led to the manifesting of not only a painting that is fitting, but a painting that I have long admired and wished to own.  I think that is really, really cool.

So, if I can manifest a painting, I have no doubt that I can manifest my new life and home in Mount Dora.  And, I will be doing just that as I go to Mount Dora later this month and walk around the town imagining myself living there, when I identify the house that I know is trying to manifest me as its owner and as I trust that all our acquaintances in Mount Dora are wishing to manifest me as their neighbor.  

7/19/12 The Importance of Fun

As adults we often forget how important having fun is.  We get busy, we get serious, we get tied down, we get important, we get needed and suddenly there’s no time for fun.  Fun looks frivolous and seems a waste of precious hours that could be spent on making money, going to school, or just doing something inane that fools us into thinking we are chillin’.  Our lives revolve around schedules and fun is rarely scheduled, but maybe it should be.

Perhaps some of you are the lucky ones who learned about balance during your childhood.  Maybe you grew up in a well-balanced family that made time for fun as well as work.  Or maybe your family life was all screwed up, but you figured out how to create balance yourself or you learned it from someone else while you were still young.  I was a late bloomer when it came to balance and to appreciating fun.

Most of my childhood was spent without a mom at home and with a dad who was a far cry from Fred MacMurray.  After the age of seven, when my oldest sister was no longer living at home, I was expected to grow up FAST.  I had many household responsibilities and mistakes were not tolerated.   My father worked six days a week at his business and he was not very tolerant of anyone slacking off, including me.  He rarely took time off.  The few vacations we took were to visit relatives - more like obligations than real vacations.  Obviously, I did not learn balance at home.  But, in spite of having more obligations than a typical child at the time (and yet certainly fewer than many others), I was still a child and playtime and creating fun were part of my life.  But, I did not see much fun in my father’s life and that is the lesson I learned - fun is fine for kids, but should be very limited for adults.

Once I got married at 21, my allotted time for fun became less and less every year.  My job and housework took up most of my time.  My “free” time was spent reading, which I love, but which is not the kind of fun I am talking about.  The fun of which I speak is DOING something that is out-of-the-ordinary, maybe exciting, the kind of activities that create lifetime memories.  That is the kind of fun I rarely had.  As with my father, most vacations with my husband were to visit relatives.  Sure, those trips could be fun, but they were also usually stressful and brought up old, unresolved family issues that dampened any enjoyment.  Any just-for-the-fun-of-it trips were quick day trips that may have provided a break from the routine and may even have been a little fun, but certainly were not those creating-forever-memory types of activities.  For us, money was always a issue.  When you struggle to pay the bills, you feel guilty if you “waste” money on fun or vacations or any kind of loving self-care.


At most of my jobs I worked more than 40 hours a week and often as many as 60 hours a week.  Add my commute times, which, depending on where we lived, ranged from 30 minutes to 90 minutes, and my work days were very long.  Besides the issue of available funds for recreation, I was just too darn tired to even think about planning something fun.  And that is how I felt without children!!  I look at my daughter raising two kids and I worry that she too will lose touch with having fun, but, fortunately, she is more balanced than I ever was at her age. 

It was not until I started my “new life” eight years ago that I began to learn about the importance of fun as an adult.  The new man in my life relished leisure time and made a point of planning fun activities.  He taught me to slow down.  By the time he entered my life, I was very deeply exhausted, physically and spiritually.  Being retired, he took care of the house, my pets and me.  I was still working, and sometimes long hours, but at least the work did not continue when I got home.  I felt guilty coming home to a cooked meal, an orderly house and clean clothes, with nothing to do but relax, but I adjusted and welcomed the much need rest he was providing for me.  Money was still a huge issue for the first few years we were together, but being a master of balance, he taught me how to find inexpensive ways to have fun.  And, once I was rested after years of being overextended, I felt more like getting out and doing activities that were fun, different and stimulating. 

Now, I schedule fun.  I check the newspaper for activities in my city.  We go to plays, movies, concerts, book-signings, art galleries, classes, festivals.  We go for walks and out to dinner and meet friends for coffee.  We entertain in our home.  Although money is less restricted, we still find many things to do that are free or inexpensive.   Most importantly, we get the heck out of town several times a year.  A change of scenery can do so much to give me a fresh perspective and a lift in my mood.  Of course, now we go to Mount Dora several times a year and that is fabulous, but we also go to New Jersey/New York City every year and have spent time in St. Augustine, Myrtle Beach and South Florida.  This fall I am going on a two-day women’s beach retreat that will be an entirely different experience.

I also schedule little trips with my daughter and grandchildren.  This past weekend we went to Tavares, Mount Dora and Deland.  We took seaplane rides, went to a splash park and a playground, took a nature walk and watched the sunset over Lake Dora, ate out at restaurants and visited relatives.  The weekend was full of activities and I did a lot of driving, but we made some wonderful memories and came home refreshed and revived.

Being over-worked, burned-out, tired, bored, and un-stimulated builds blocks - really big, unsurmountable walls - that will not allow prosperity to enter.  By disallowing fun, I was also pushing away prosperity.  Stress, like really thick mud, prevented me from moving forward toward my goals and my desires or, really, from even making goals and having desires.

My man has a saying “nothing ever happens at home” by which he means nothing NEW ever happens at home.  If we stay home, walled-in with our busyness and fatigue, nothing new, and especially nothing new AND good, will ever happen.  Stagnation is a slow death. The TV and computer games are not real life.  We must get out, we must experience fun in any way we can.  Maybe money is an issue, but there are free activities everywhere.  Or, maybe you live in a remote area far from all those fun activities.  So, find something fun to do where you are - perhaps gardening, or some other hobby, or just hanging out with friends.  Take a walk or a drive or a bike ride or a swim.  Play a game or a sport.  GET OUT.  DO SOMETHING.  Make it your mission to find something fun and different to do.  Search for fun.  Search for other people who want to have fun.  Find a way to add some variety to the hours in your life.  Open windows, open doors, open you mind and your heart.  Volunteer and discover a new world.  You may be tired, but laying around the house will only make you more tired.  Doing something that stimulates your mind and gets your body in motion will actually give you energy and allow you to move beyond your walls.  

Prosperity or whatever you want to manifest will not knock down your door and drag you outside so you can experience it.  You have to make the effort and you need to do so with light-heartedness, not as though you are hunting down and killing a critter to find your starving family.  Finding a way to have fun just may be your first step toward your dreams.  I know its working for me.

5/28/12 Blocks

Over this long holiday weekend, my man and I are house-and-animal sitting for friends who have 40 acres and various farm and domestic pets in the country.  With the exception of Tropical Storm Beryl, our stay has been amazingly relaxing and, for me, contemplative.  I spent hours in the porch hammock reading before the high winds and rains from the storm drove me inside.  I’ve been writing and listening to CDs.  As much as I love the high energy and activity in my own home, this country vacation has been restorative for me and I thank my friends for the opportunity to stay in their lovely, quiet, peaceful home. 

One of the CD sets I listened to was “The Missing Secret” by Joe Vitale and I have to share some insights I experienced.  When I first started learning about the Law of Attraction, someone recommend Vitale’s book “The Attractor Factor” and although I received some good pointers and information about the Law of Attraction from his book, I did not learn as much as I hoped because, honestly, I was turned off by “Mr. Fire”, Joe Vitale.  He fit my conception of a used car salesman.  He seemed slick, too jazzy, too concerned with material things.  He uses his own successes as springboards for teaching others how to reach their own dreams,  often talking about his beautiful homes, his fleet of cars and other material signs of wealth and success he has accumulated.  I decided he just did not resonate with me, so I chose to study other writers and teachers.  A couple of years ago I played a game at a Law of Attraction seminar and I won Joe Vitale’s CD set “The Missing Secret”.  I never intended to listen to it.  I knew what he was all about, or so I thought, and I could better spend my time listening to or reading someone else’s works.  I kept “This Missing Secret” though, thinking I would pass it on to someone else who might not be turned off by Mr. Fire, but I never did.  The CD set stayed in my possession and recently started showing up regularly in different places in my house.  I only have one copy of the CD set, but it seemed like there were a half dozen or more as I found what appeared to be one after another, here and there.  I took that as a sign, brought the CD set with me and just finished listening to the CDs this afternoon. 

Joe Vitale says that “The Missing Secret”, the part of manifesting that was not covered fully in “The Secret”, is about blocks and how to clear them.  We all have limiting beliefs - beliefs we think are reality, but aren’t - they are simply our beliefs based on some experiences we had, or perhaps even a belief absorbed from someone else such as a parent, teacher, friend or spouse.  They are not reality; they are conceptions or, more often, misconceptions.  “I am dumb”, “I cannot handle money”, “If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all”, “Life sucks and then you die”, “You cannot trust anyone”, etc.  I immediately identified one of mine: “Money disappears.” 

Once a limiting belief, or block, is identified, Vitale gives instructions for clearing the block.  I know my belief that money disappears originated with my father, who inherited substantial amounts of money several times in his life, but never could hold on to any of it and died with little to his name.  In the early 60's he invested heavily in the stock market with money he inherited from his Aunt Edith.  Once his funds were totally engaged in the market he started playing with options, which is basically borrowing money to invest.  Then, President Kennedy was shot - an unpredictable event that caused the stock market to plummet.  My father’s options were called, which means he had to pay up what he owed on the borrowed funds, and that amount was much greater than all his stocks were worth after the assassination.  He lost everything he had invested in the market and the cash he had not invested.  He nearly lost our home and his business, too. 

As a child, I could not possibly understand what occurred, but with my limited ability to comprehend what I saw happening in our household, I walked away with a belief that money just disappears and that the stock market is a terrible place to put your money.  Those beliefs are not reality.  Money does not really disappear.  It may go away, but not of its own volition.  Money does not wish to harm us.  Money is energy and its “life” comes from how we use its energy.  Many unpredictable events can affect the retention or accumulation of money, but how we use our energy and the energy of money can be managed.  Many people have done very well investing in the stock market, so my belief that the stock market makes money disappear is just not true. 

Realizing that money does not really disappear and the stock market is not some magician that transforms cash into a wisp of smoke, does not necessarily give me the right answers about how to use or multiply money, but it does put me back on the right track of understanding money.  The stock market may or may not be a good place to invest money at any given time, but it is not always a bad place.  My father invested all his expendable money - not a wise move.  Then, he became greedy and invested money that was not his.  He used his energy and the energy of his money and the energy of the borrowed money poorly and paid the price.  The belief I formed about money and the stock market was based on what looked like reality, but it was only a belief based on my father’s poor energetic use of money.

Maybe the stock market is not the best place for me or for you to invest, but that should be a choice we make based on real facts, not hazy childhood memories and fears.  My false reality about money and the stock market is a block that I need to clear.  But, as I was listening to Joe Vitale, I realized my opinion of him was also a block.  I had not listened to his CD set for two years because I had a particular negative image of him - an image I did not like.  That belief I had about him was limiting my ability to learn what he may have to teach me.  I don’t know Joe Vitale.  Maybe he is a great guy.  Truthfully, sometimes, even with my knowledge of the block I have regarding him, he still turns me off.  I need to clear that block, too.  But, my true moment of clarity was when I realized I don’t have to like Joe Vitale - liking him as nothing to do with learning from him.  I need to release whatever block I have regarding him, but I don’t have to like him.  I just need to accept him as he is and open myself to learning from him.  Maybe his methods don’t work the best for me; maybe I can learn faster and better from someone else, but that does not mean I cannot learn anything from him.  And, the reality is, I did learn from him today.     

As children in school, we were forced to attend classes taught by teachers we may or may not have liked.  Most of us learned better when we had a connection with a teacher, but that does not mean we did not or could not learn from our less favored instructors.  I think, because we usually can control who we learn from as adults, we are quick to avoid someone that may turn us off, someone with whom we cannot resonate, as I did with Joe Vitale.  But, maybe, just maybe, that annoying teacher is the one we need to hear.  I had to set aside my beliefs about Joe Vitale today and allow him to talk to me.  And, I am glad I did.  Brings to mind a science teacher I had as a teenager.  Everything about him annoyed me  - he was harsh and demanding - nothing soft and fuzzy about that guy.  Also, he had a very thick German accent that was hard to understand.  I had to sit through his class and I had to do well to get into college.  I forced myself to go beyond my initial dislike of him and  to become accustomed to his accent so I could understand what he was saying.  Slowly the “forcing” dissolved and I found myself easily listening and learning from him.  Without realizing it, my forced situation had helped me clear a block.  I never cared for science, but I learned to love his class.  I learned more from him than any other teacher in my high school career.  And, when I had to move away in the middle of the school year, the only time I cried saying good-bye to my teachers was with him.  I was shocked when he told me that he started off the school year not liking me, too!  He thought I was one of “those literature types” who have no desire and feel no need to learn about science or math.  He, of course, had no choice but to teach me and was surprised when he discovered that I had an inquiring mind about everything and that I posed engaging questions.  I became his favorite pupil that year, as he had become my favorite teacher. 

If we hold tight to our beliefs, we will limit our ability to learn and to grow.  Figuring out a block is really not that hard; clearing it may be more challenging, but taking the time and effort to release it will open us up to new experiences and learning opportunities.   

4/21/12 An Amazing Day

Friday I had lunch with a dear friend who has seen me through the ups and downs of many situations through many years.  I shared with her some of the challenges and stresses in my life right now and she was surprised at how well I was responding - how I was not trying to fix everything and everyone as she has seen me attempt to do in the past.  I knew that my recent reactions have been out-of-character for me - in a very good way - but having someone else confirm my own observation was encouraging. 

Today I attended the Spiritual Connections Faire held at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship here in my town.  These gatherings of psychic, card readers, intuitives, channelers, healers and vendors happen about three times a year and I have been attending for at least five years.  My yoga teacher, Shenna Benarte, is also a Medicine Card reader so I have a tradition of going to her for a reading at these fairs.  We have both chuckled over the fact that I see her nearly every week and could have a reading any time I want, and sometimes I do, but I like to continue the tradition of my readings with her at this particular fair.  If I feel inclined, I may also have a session with another reader, psychic or intuitive, but today I only visited her.  The reading revolved around many of the stressors in my life right now and the consistent advice was to back off and let everything unfold without my direct interference or control.  I should be in a loving space of support, but should not try to “fix” anything or anyone - exactly what I have been practicing for the first time in my life.  The reading confirmed that those around me have lessons to learn and the events, often negative in nature, that are occurring are obstacles for them to overcome on their paths to self-enlightenment and I just need to be a compassionate observer.  The cards also confirmed that Mount Dora is on my path and I was very uplifted by that.  To me, readings are the same as counseling - the cards help to guide and counsel without predicting the future.  Yes, the cards said Mount Dora is on my path, but I guarantee that should I waver from my path, I will never manifest a home in my favorite little town no matter what the cards said.  The confirmation that my focus is on target is comforting, though.

I also had a Reiki session with Dee Mitchell, a Reiki master, healer and teacher.  Dee is a powerful woman and she and my man have a strong bond.  When he experienced some health challenges five years ago, her Reiki greatly elevated his healing process and although he was not a believer in Reiki when he had his first session with her, he certainly is now and never misses the opportunity to experience her healing Reiki power.  I have Reiki when I feel inspired to do so and today I did.  I rose from her table feeling refreshed, energized and amazingly peaceful.  Dee even commented that my energy was very strong and positive today. 

My next session at the fair was with Gail ‘n’ Ron, a couple who used to attend the Prosperous Living meetings that I co-created and co-hosted.  They worked together using light touch, deep breathing, kinesthetic movements and affirmations to put my body in a state of relaxation deeper than I’ve ever known before.  The experience was unusual, in a good way, slightly unsettling but also very grounding and inspiring and amazingly profound.  Gail said that my crown chakra was wide open and flowing with energy.  In the past, when participating in other energy healing practices, I was always told that my crown chakra was closed or partially closed.  In case you are not aware of chakras, the first teachings of these wheel-like energy centers of the body came from Hindu texts and are also prominent in Buddhist practices.  Traditionally, there are seven major chakras, or energy centers, in the body and each one regulates certain bodily, emotional and spiritual functions, each is associated with a particular gland and with a combination of emotions.  When a chakra is blocked or closed, the functions associated with it are also closed off, resulting in physical, psychological and/or spiritual imbalances which may develop into illnesses, diseases and physical pain and discomfort as well as personal crises.  Chakras that are out of balance or blocked can be opened up using color therapies (each chakra is associated with a particular color that stimulates it), meditation, sound therapies, yoga, EFT, guided visualization, aromatherapy, affirmations, positive thinking - in other words, by practicing what also activates the Law of Attraction!  The crown chakra, my problem spot, is located at the top of your head and is associated with your brain, pineal gland and nervous systems, as well as the emotional states of peace, self-awareness, clarity and divine acceptance.  A closed crown chakra can result in depression, fear, hopelessness, confusion, apathy and spiritual weaknesses.  The crown chakra is the mother of all chakras and an open, vibrating crown chakra indicates that all the other chakras are in relatively good shape and that the person is on or is discovering his/her spiritual path.  Learning that my crown chakra is open and vibrating with energy confirmed that I am on the right path for me.  I felt energized, inspired and drained.  I know, it seems impossible to feel energized and drained at the same time, but that is exactly how I felt.  My spirit was soaring, but my body was saying it needed to rest and assimilate all the energy work it experienced at the fair.  Although I’d plan to remain at the fair longer, going home and taking a nap seemed like the best action to take. 

I spent the rest of my day allowing my body and spirit to speak to me.  Although I had a long list of tasks to complete this weekend, I chose instead to spend the evening at Wild Iris Books with my man.  I had a healthy, delicious meal at Café Colette in Wild Iris and then spent a couple of hours reading, writing and perusing the books for sale.  The energies in the café and the bookstore are healing and inspirational for me so I go there often to re-charge and to access my creativity.  My to-do list is undone, but the vibration of my crown chakra is off the charts!

Today I followed intuition and spiritual guidance and created a day that was healing and energizing.  We cannot always choose to do exactly what we want to do when we want to do it.  Life is too complicated.  We have many demands on our time, many responsibilities.  But, each of us needs a day like I experienced.  A time to nurture yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally. 

4/20/12 Focus On Purpose

I mentioned before that we are always manifesting, whether we do it on purpose or unintentionally.  Without our awareness, we may attract negative events into our lives or we may experience the negative events that others close to us have attracted.  And, I also said that I believe purposeful manifesting only works when we are on our path to our true purpose in life.  You may learn otherwise from books and DVD’s, but that is my belief.  We are here for a purpose and I believe focused and conscious manifesting is the way we discover and activate our purpose.  I see it as the action that leads us to our higher selves.  That does not mean less-than-grand desires or perhaps even shallow wishes, like jewelry or a car or a vacation, cannot be manifested.  As we move along our path, we should have some fun, too.  But, for me, the true basis of successful implementation of the Law of Attraction should be rooted in a desire to discover what we are meant to do, who we are meant to be, what legacy we will leave. 

From the birth of Manifesting Mount Dora, I believed that living in Mount Dora is a step in my journey to self-discovery.  But, rather than focusing only on the place I want to live, I want to also explore my path and my purpose.  I’ve decided to devote at least part of my writing to books I am reading and studying about self-awareness and the discovery of purpose.  I hope I can share what I am learning and help someone else who is on a  journey of self-discovery. 

Right now I am reading “Find Your Purpose, Change Your Life - Getting to the Heart of Your Life’s Mission” by Carol Adrienne.  As you may recall, the first step in my discovery of the Law of Attraction began with reading the “Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.  That led to my reading a book he co-authored with Carol Adrienne titled “The Purpose of Your Life Finding Your Place in the World Using Synchronicity,  Intuition, and Common Sense”.  That book was life-changing for me, so I decided to start this next chapter of my adventure with another of her books. 

“Find Your Purpose” is more of a workbook than a book, allowing the reader to immediately begin self-exploration through writing and other activities to help awaken and identify your true purpose in life.  I have reached Chapter 4 and am already impressed with the depth and intensity of the activities she suggests.  This book is for those who are serious, really serious, about moving forward on their paths. 

The first section is “Starting Where You Are” and the title alone is a meaningful message.  We are always waiting for something to change in our lives before we can change or even move in the direction of change.  We need to be older, or healthier, or married, or free from marriage, or wealthier, or less tied down by family.  We need to have less work or more supportive family or friends.  Tomorrow when things are better and life is calmer and I am healthier and the kids are older and. . .  Always tomorrow.  And, as they say, tomorrow never comes. 

Through a series of questions, the author helps to guide your mind to identifying what you like, what is important to you and what you want.  We tend to think that our likes are trivial and have nothing to do with a greater purpose in life, but if you make a list of what you enjoy doing, what interests you and what brings you happiness, you will see a pattern that is the first step to finding your purpose.  The author says, “. . .anything that catches our interest is part of our life purpose.” 

Perhaps you are so involved with the needs and wants of others, especially if you are raising a family, you have lost touch with what you want and like.  In that case, think back to your childhood - what were your favorite games, what did you like to read, what was your favorite class in school, did you have hobbies, who were your friends, did you have pets, what was your favorite TV show or movie?  Answers to those questions will help you get in touch with the authentic you that existed before you forgot “you”. 

As part of starting where you are, Ms. Adrienne encourages gratitude for where you are, what you have and who you are now.  I wrote before about the importance and the power of gratitude and she confirms that.  You will not and cannot move forward without a sense of gratefulness for NOW.  Now may not represent what you want or who you truly are, but it is your reality at this time and you did help to create it, so be grateful, if not for the situation, at least for the lessons learned.  Look for gratitude and you will find it, even in the most dire of experiences. 

“When you procrastinate, especially when you know what the next stop should be, you drain your energy.”  Thank you, Ms. Adrienne, for covering one of my weaknesses - procrastination.  Most of my life I was almost compulsive in my dedication in getting things done on time and to completion.  Somewhere in the midst of my unhappy marriage and clinical depression, I lost that sense of purpose and responsibility and often put off important tasks that needed immediate attention.  Once I began procrastinating, I could not seem to stop, even though putting off my obligations created anxiety and just made me feel worse.  Procrastination drained my energy! The less energy I had, the less I wanted to do and the more I procrastinated.  Quickly the smallest tasks, when ignored, grow into very large problems.  Once I got back on track and started attending to what needed to be done, my energy increased and I was able to do more.  I felt better and when you feel better, you are more in alignment with the Law of Attraction. 

In only recent years have I felt a sense of intuition.  Perhaps when I was much younger, I worked from a place of intuition without realizing it, but I know, for a fact, as I aged whatever connection I had with intuition was lost.  My actions were dictated by the needs and desires of others and my need and desire to please others.  I’ve struggled to get in touch with those gut feelings that push us along on our paths.  One practice the author suggests is to “walk a living prayer. . start each day by asking ‘What do I do first?’” I like the idea, but find it hard to put into practice.  Most of what we do is because we have to do it, but certainly we can find many daily activities that could be influenced by intuition and by “walking in living prayer”.  Definitely an interesting concept to work on this weekend.