Aha Moments

Last night, I had a revelation at the Creating Money-Attracting Abundance class that I am attending. I listened to other class members talking about their blocks and issues, particularly ones about not feeling good enough for a better job, more money, a happy relationship, good health or whatever is better than what they have now.  For the first time, I realized that I have progressed past that particular block.  I no longer have issues with feeling as if I am not deserving of something better.  I once did - probably did for most of my life - but that issue has ceased to exist for me and I did not even realize it.  Actually, I believe it was the not realizing I had left unworthiness behind that was the true revelation.  Somewhere along my path I made this major leap forward and was not even aware of it. Truthfully, it probably was not a single leap and certainly not a single big leap - it was micro steps; slow, steady, almost imperceptible baby steps.  And, I think that is good - well, its good for me.

I am sure there are people who have mind-blowing, breath-taking aha moments when clarity is instantaneous, wisdom is immediate and life is changed forever.  I am not one of those people.  Little bit by little bit the darkness clears as though a small candle were lit, then after awhile another and then after some more time another, until something moves in the now all-encompassing light and I realize I can see it unhindered; in fact, I can see everything clearly because the darkness no longer exists.  Sort of sneaks up on me when I'm not looking and, like last night, I think, "Wow! When did that happen?"

Major aha moments that seem to blow off the top of your head are thrilling, magical and very Hollywood, but I believe slow, steady change is easier to accept and assimilate.  Makes me think of rain.  Thunderstorms are exciting with their electricity, earth-shaking sounds and momentous rains.  But, the parched, hard-packed earth quickly becomes overwhelmed with the onslaught of water and just cannot absorb more than a little of the precious moisture it so desperately needs.  The rain cascades off the earth and into ditches, drains and bodies of water - much of it puddling unused on concrete and asphalt until it evaporates in the harsh sun.  But, if the rain comes gently, slowly, steadily, each drop softens the ground a little more so the earth can open, little bit by little bit like a heart that is blossoming or a soul that is being enlightened, and welcome the life-saving water.  The rain stays where it is needed, nourishing the soil so that a long-buried seed can germinate and grow.  Beneath the ground, unseen and unknown, the new seedling slowly, steadily pushes its way up and out until one day a speck appears above the earth.  That speck gradually grows taller until on another day the gardener is surprised to see a fully grown plant where once there was only sun-baked, hardened dirt.  That describes how personal and spiritual change happens for me.  I appreciate the opportunity to slowly absorb the wisdom and advice that rains down upon me, allowing me the time to grow and adjust until one day I am amazed when I realize I have pushed past that hard-baked problem that kept me buried for years and I am now basking in the sunlight.

We live in an impatient world and we want change to happen NOW.  But, are we ready for all that change right now?  Can we handle it now?  Or will it be wasted on us because we were too closed to accept it, too hard to assimilate it?  Had I experienced a major, eye-popping revelation about my worthiness, I may have been amazed and dazzled for awhile.  I may have felt great and powerful and invincible for awhile.  But, eventually I'd feel overwhelmed, confused and maybe even scared.  Too much, too fast.  And, I'd close up like the rain-starved earth that just cannot absorb the flooding rain.

Another revelation that came to me a few months ago is that I am not as impatient as I once was and, thankfully, that allows me to welcome change little bit by little bit.  Rather than having in-your-face aha moments when I suddenly understand something, when I suddenly GET IT, I have slow sunrise-type aha moments when I realize I understand it, I got it, but I just don't know exactly when that happened or maybe even how that happened.  Just like watching the sunrise.  Its dark, then there's a tiny sliver of almost-unseen light, then a little more and a little more until the full face of the sun catches you unawares and you wonder, "When did that happen?"

Sharing The Energy

I am energetic and excited about my Manifesting Mount Dora project.  I love writing this blog about it.  I love thinking about Mount Dora, visiting there regularly and visualizing our home and life there.  Some days my enthusiasm is higher than others and, although I can usually conjure up at least some positive thoughts about my manifesting enterprise, little help is welcome.  In answer to my desire for help, The Universe provided a class. 

About two or three weeks ago, I was nearly finished reading a book called "Creating Money: Attracting Abundance" by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer - a book I had hesitated reading because of the title - I feared it would be overly materialistic, but that was not the case at all.  In fact, the book looks evenly at abundance from all aspects, not just the money angle.  At the end of each chapter there are exercises called "playbooks", but I had skipped those intending to come back to them later.  To my surprise, as I neared the end of the book, I received a Facebook message from Mary Madeline Day inviting me to a class on that same book.  Her class would run for 12 weeks on Tuesdays.  Tuesdays are not good for me and I emailed her my regrets about not being able to attend.  Since I was the first person to show an interest in the class, she offered to move it to whatever night worked for me.  Not only did I get a great class to help bolster my manifesting enthusiasm, but I was given the opportunity to choose the day of the week for the class! 

Our first class had 13 people in attendance, including Madeline.  Many had not known about the class or decided to attend until late that afternoon and I believe I was the only person, other than Madeline, who had previously read the book.  In fact, most did not even have a copy of the book.  The bulk of our time was spent getting to know one another and sharing why we were there and what we wanted to gain from the class, ending with a meditation.  We had another session last night and I thoroughly enjoyed the entire experience, especially the sharing of experiences and insights.  A standout inspiration for me was when one of my classmates shared that he had been trying to manifest a new mate and he always imagined the needs and desires that she would fulfill for him, seeing himself as the magnet attracting her. During a recent visualization practice, he was inspired to start thinking of her as trying to manifest him and what needs and desires he could answer in her life.  Changing his imagery to include her as a manifestor increased the power he felt when he was doing his visualization.  What a wonderful idea to think not only of me as manifesting something, but also think of that thing or person as manifesting me.  I can imagine a house in Mount Dora waiting for my family and me to fill its emptiness with laughter and love. Since everything is energy, it is easy to imagine even inanimate objects as sending out magnetic rays to attract you at the same time you are engaged in attraction practices on your end.  I loved this idea and am now practicing it regularly. 

This week I managed to manifest a painting into my life.  I took advantage of my grandchildren being gone for two weeks to redecorate my living room and dining room.  I have worked hard on this project which is why I have not been blogging as much.  I am determined to get everything completed before they arrive home on Sunday.  After my mom passed away, I inherited a framed magazine cover that shows a photo of her and another bicycle racer (she was one of the first female bicycle racers).  The frame is of a rather old-fashioned gold style that matches nothing I have, but I was afraid that the magazine cover would disintegrate if I tried to reframe it.  I decided to place it on a wall in my dining room, but it there was too much space around it.  Something else needed to be added, but I had nothing that matched the gold frame.  I shopped and shopped looking for a gold frame that I could use for some other photo I had on hand or a piece of artwork with a gold frame that would be complimentary, but I found nothing.  Soon I fell into the time-is-running-out-I-have-to-get-this-done-NOW mindset, which inevitably leads to poor choices and wasted money.  Time to chill.  So what if I don't finish that one wall before the children return?  Its okay.  So, I let it be, just staring at it from time to time, imagining what might look good there.  Fast forward a few days.  One of my clients is in the process of closing his business and out of the blue he offered to give me one of the paintings in his office.  I never told him this, but for the past 14 years working there I have admired and lusted for that painting.  And, conveniently, it is in a gold frame and is the right size to compliment my mom's photo!  To make it even better, the painting is called "The Grandmother of God" - somehow that seems a fitting name for a piece of artwork to hang next to my deceased mom's photo.  All that time I spent staring at the empty wall space and imagining what would look nice there led to the manifesting of not only a painting that is fitting, but a painting that I have long admired and wished to own.  I think that is really, really cool.

So, if I can manifest a painting, I have no doubt that I can manifest my new life and home in Mount Dora.  And, I will be doing just that as I go to Mount Dora later this month and walk around the town imagining myself living there, when I identify the house that I know is trying to manifest me as its owner and as I trust that all our acquaintances in Mount Dora are wishing to manifest me as their neighbor.