Aha Moments

Last night, I had a revelation at the Creating Money-Attracting Abundance class that I am attending. I listened to other class members talking about their blocks and issues, particularly ones about not feeling good enough for a better job, more money, a happy relationship, good health or whatever is better than what they have now.  For the first time, I realized that I have progressed past that particular block.  I no longer have issues with feeling as if I am not deserving of something better.  I once did - probably did for most of my life - but that issue has ceased to exist for me and I did not even realize it.  Actually, I believe it was the not realizing I had left unworthiness behind that was the true revelation.  Somewhere along my path I made this major leap forward and was not even aware of it. Truthfully, it probably was not a single leap and certainly not a single big leap - it was micro steps; slow, steady, almost imperceptible baby steps.  And, I think that is good - well, its good for me.

I am sure there are people who have mind-blowing, breath-taking aha moments when clarity is instantaneous, wisdom is immediate and life is changed forever.  I am not one of those people.  Little bit by little bit the darkness clears as though a small candle were lit, then after awhile another and then after some more time another, until something moves in the now all-encompassing light and I realize I can see it unhindered; in fact, I can see everything clearly because the darkness no longer exists.  Sort of sneaks up on me when I'm not looking and, like last night, I think, "Wow! When did that happen?"

Major aha moments that seem to blow off the top of your head are thrilling, magical and very Hollywood, but I believe slow, steady change is easier to accept and assimilate.  Makes me think of rain.  Thunderstorms are exciting with their electricity, earth-shaking sounds and momentous rains.  But, the parched, hard-packed earth quickly becomes overwhelmed with the onslaught of water and just cannot absorb more than a little of the precious moisture it so desperately needs.  The rain cascades off the earth and into ditches, drains and bodies of water - much of it puddling unused on concrete and asphalt until it evaporates in the harsh sun.  But, if the rain comes gently, slowly, steadily, each drop softens the ground a little more so the earth can open, little bit by little bit like a heart that is blossoming or a soul that is being enlightened, and welcome the life-saving water.  The rain stays where it is needed, nourishing the soil so that a long-buried seed can germinate and grow.  Beneath the ground, unseen and unknown, the new seedling slowly, steadily pushes its way up and out until one day a speck appears above the earth.  That speck gradually grows taller until on another day the gardener is surprised to see a fully grown plant where once there was only sun-baked, hardened dirt.  That describes how personal and spiritual change happens for me.  I appreciate the opportunity to slowly absorb the wisdom and advice that rains down upon me, allowing me the time to grow and adjust until one day I am amazed when I realize I have pushed past that hard-baked problem that kept me buried for years and I am now basking in the sunlight.

We live in an impatient world and we want change to happen NOW.  But, are we ready for all that change right now?  Can we handle it now?  Or will it be wasted on us because we were too closed to accept it, too hard to assimilate it?  Had I experienced a major, eye-popping revelation about my worthiness, I may have been amazed and dazzled for awhile.  I may have felt great and powerful and invincible for awhile.  But, eventually I'd feel overwhelmed, confused and maybe even scared.  Too much, too fast.  And, I'd close up like the rain-starved earth that just cannot absorb the flooding rain.

Another revelation that came to me a few months ago is that I am not as impatient as I once was and, thankfully, that allows me to welcome change little bit by little bit.  Rather than having in-your-face aha moments when I suddenly understand something, when I suddenly GET IT, I have slow sunrise-type aha moments when I realize I understand it, I got it, but I just don't know exactly when that happened or maybe even how that happened.  Just like watching the sunrise.  Its dark, then there's a tiny sliver of almost-unseen light, then a little more and a little more until the full face of the sun catches you unawares and you wonder, "When did that happen?"

Living Small

As a child, I thought big and I dreamt even bigger, as most of us do.  But, my thoughts and dreams shrunk in size as I matured.  Life experiences deflated me, people cautioned me, and I succumbed to fear and self-doubt, as most of us do. 

Well-meaning mentors, family members and friends told me "don't bite off more than you can chew", "be practical", "you can't support yourself doing that", "life is hard, plan ahead", "work hard, then work harder" and all those sorts of advice comments we have all heard during our lifetimes. 

Plans I had went awry.  Unexpected problems interferred with my life.  Failures knocked me down.  Doubts crept in.  Fears took hold.  And, I began to think and dream smaller, then even smaller.  I was like a balloon losing air. By my early twenties that balloon was languishing on the ground, mostly deflated. 

I could put blame on others for poor advice and for instilling fears. I could blame life itself for what did not occur that I wanted to happen and what did occur that I did not want to happen or could not even have imagined happening.  And, I did dish out the blame for many years.  But, that did not benefit me in any way.  In fact, the blame game just made me feel bitter and angry and even more defeated.  Why try when I cannot control much, if hardly anything, that happens in my life? 

The biggest lie I was told by all those well-meaning advice-givers was that I could control my life.  I could plan and chart a life course and with diligence follow it precisely to great successes.  Not true - at least for me.  I know some who have appeared to do just that.  They decided at an early age what they wanted to do in life, they went to school or obtained the experience and training they needed, they worked hard or at least diligently in their chosen profession and lived a life that was successful on many levels.  Some may not have done so well in other areas which are not so easily planned.  Some had relationships and family lives that were filled with disappointment and unexpected consequences, but some were fortunate to have personal lives just as or even more successful and fulfilling as their professional ones.  I used to hate those people.  I was filled with jealousy that they walked a clear path with no pitfalls or unexpected detours.  Why did they seem so blessed and I was not?  Of course, if I dared looked honestly at my life, in spite of the unexpected occurrences and roadblocks along the way, my life appeared to be much better than the lives of many who seem to walk with a dark cloud of impending doom over their heads.

Comparing my life to someone else's was a waste of time and emotions.  Now, I see that we are all here for different reasons, to have different experiences and to learn and grow from all the pitfalls, detours and problems that litter our paths.  We can plan and dream (planning and dreaming are good), but unless we are in touch with our inner guidance system, unless we are incorporating what we learn into our daily practices, unless we are being grateful for all the many blessings in our lives (even if it appears others have more blessings), and unless we are open to change and adjustments, we will always seem to be failing and losing our way.  Of course, we aren't.  We are moving forward just as we need to.  We are having experiences to learn just what we need to know.  We feel stuck, we feel lost, we feel defeated, but that is because we are out of touch with who we really are and what we are here to accomplish.  Tap into your inner guidance system or to your higher power or to your intuition and your life will become smoother and clearer.  Too often we learn that lesson later in life and then we feel we missed the boat.  The knowledge and connection came too late.  Now, we have something new to hold us back.  Age.  I am too old, I can't start over now, there isn't enough time left to do what I want to do, I no longer have the energy I need. . .

Thoughts like that are new barriers that we create for ourselves.  I know I often feel that way.  I am too old now.  I wish I had learned all this when I was younger and my life could have been so much more, so much fuller, so much better.  I wish, I wish, I wish.  Wishing is NOT dreaming.  Wishing is a terrible waste of time and energy.  I am working hard to replace wishes with dreams and then taking those dreams to a new level where I actualize them through The Law of Attraction.  And, still, sometimes I feel that it is all moving too slow because I am getting older every day and, really, how much time do I have left?  That is when I try to remember that my great-aunt lived to be 104 and my man's mother will be 93 in a month.  Maybe I have lots of time left and maybe I don't, but I prefer to bet that I do.  Otherwise, I will just sit here passively and decay.  Nope, not appealing at all. 

Once, while I was attending a prosperity class, I had a dream in which myself and another class member were standing before a building with a sign on it that said "The Center for Peace and Prosperity".  I woke up from that dream, remembering it in detail, and knowing, without a doubt, that it was the woman standing with me before that glorious Center for Peace and Prosperity who had created it.  I gave her full credit for the Center although no words were exchanged in my dream; there was no signage indicating she was the founder of the Center; there was absolutely NO REASON for me to believe she was the creator of the Center.  But, that is what I thought.  Why?  Because I could not imagine myself doing something so grand; I could not accept that I was capable of such a glorious creation.  I was thinking small, dreaming small, living small.

I recently had a very similar dream.  I saw a building, although it looked different than the one in my original dream and, in fact, it looked very similar to a building in Mount Dora, and on that building was a sign that said "The Center for Peace and Prosperity".  I stood there alone.  I stood there feeling proud.  When I awoke, I knew that in my dream I was the creator of the The Center for Peace and Prosperity.  Perhaps I was also the creator in my original dream, but I was unable, at that time, to seem myself as a creator or a builder or a manifestor. So, I gave the credit to someone else.

Now I can see myself that way.  Now I can give myself credit for something that I very much dream of manifesting in Mount Dora.  Besides my home, my retirement and my new life in Mount Dora, I can now imagine part of that new life being "The Center for Peace and Prosperity".  Yes, I can see that.  Yes, I can live bigger.  

7/23/12 Thinking Magically

“And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”   Meister Eckhart

I was thinking a lot about new beginnings recently when I came across this quote.  Seems like many people around me are undergoing major life changes - separations and divorces, moves, unexpected pregnancies, lost jobs, businesses closing, family upheavals, deaths of loved ones.  Many of these changes appear to be negative, bringing pain, confusion, sadness, stress, self-doubt, anger, disillusionment, and disappointment.  Yet, all these changes have the potential to become positive, life-affirming and inspirational.  Most of the negativity that surrounds change stems from fear and when we fear change we cannot view it as something magical.

Fear is normal and healthy, in the correct situation and with the right amount of restraint.
Fear is a warning that an action, situation, desire, or even a thought could produce danger and requires further consideration, or in already dangerous conditions, fear warns us that immediate action is required.  Fear has its place but being in fear should not be anyone’s daily state.

If you are in a situation that is truly dangerous, such as an abusive relationship, try your best to find a way out - ask for help, go to the authorities, search for a way to remove yourself from the dangerous circumstance.  If you are in a dangerous place, such as a crime-ridden neighborhood, you may not be able to leave right now, but you can take many steps to keep yourself as safe as possible and perhaps work toward moving somewhere less dangerous in the future.

But, the fear that surrounds endings and new beginnings is a different type of fear.  Sometimes we just overreact to situations.  We worry incessantly about something that we cannot change or that we cannot even predict.  That form of fear is irrational and extremely unhealthy, often leading to a myriad of illnesses.   Being cautious when dealing with changes, even obviously happy ones, is commendable, but being actually fearful, when you have no identifiable and rational reason for the fear, is not.  Fear holds us back, keeps us stuck, halts our growth and progression, blocks prosperity.

I know a great deal about fear.  I spent most of my adult life fearing change.  I did not look or seem fearful and no one would have described me that way, but fear was my constant companion.  Even recognizably good changes created pangs of fear deep in my core.  Due to fear, I held back, lived small and too cautiously, and watched life pass me by.  Fortunately, I believe I am past that now.  Changes can still cause that catch in my throat, the one that happens just before you muffle a cry, or keep me awake until I hear the morning newspaper delivered at 4 AM, but, it feels more like worry and less like fear.  Worry is not much better than fear, but I find I can control worry more easily than fear.  Fear tends to paralyze me, even when I know what I should do or least when I know I should be doing something, but worry just consumes and annoys me for awhile and disrupts my balance and then usually I can brush it aside and move on.

The people I know going through all those changes have experienced some fear and worry, plus many of those other emotions I named, but they are moving forward, taking positive steps and looking for ways to resolve or accept their situations.  Some dealt with the negative emotions more quickly and more efficiently than the others.  Those who muddled through at a slower rate had bigger lessons to learn, I believe.

The real challenge is knowing “it’s time to start something new” and trusting in the “magic of beginnings”.  I know I tend to concentrate on the ending, rather than the beginning.  A marriage is ending, but a new phase of life is beginning.  A job has ended, but the possibility of a new, better job is beginning.  Focusing on the new beginning can make the ending easier to assimilate.  I know, all that positive thinking stuff is hard to wrap your head around when you are worried about where you will live, how you will pay your bills, and all the many other concerns that come along with changes, especially unexpected, and perhaps unwelcome, changes.  If someone says, “Think positive” you probably want to positively punch them in the gut.

“Think positive” has become trite and annoying.  Perhaps “think magical” is better and more genuine.  I mean, truly, when you are faced with what seems to be a horrible, uninvited, undesired change, thinking positive either seems hopeless or wimpy.  But, “thinking magical” is, well, magical.  We cannot really predict what sort of action or occurrence might happen that could be called magical.  We don’t know how to make magic happen, so we have to let go and let God or The Universe or Source or whomever or whatever take over.  We have to BELIEVE that somehow, someway everything will work out well for all those involved and that in the process we will learn the lessons we need to absorb to move forward in our spiritual progression.

Why is Disney World/Land so popular?  Because it is magical.  You leave your cares and concerns at the gate and enter a place where imagination and magic rule.  I have no idea how all those fun and fantastic Disney experiences are produced, but I don’t need to know nor do I want to know.  If I knew, that wonderful feeling of magic would evaporate like snowflakes on a sunny day.  Sometimes believing in and relying on magic is just what we need.

Of course, we don’t live in Disney World, so walking around we our heads in the clouds thinking that all of our problems will magically go away is not advisable.  We can think magically, meaning that we leave our minds open for unexplained and seemingly magical resolutions to our problems, but we also need to be ready to act when some magic comes our way.  Magic may bring an unbelievable job opportunity to your doorstep, but magic will not give you that much needed job if you do not make the effort to obtain it.  Magic may arrange for you to meet the man/woman of your dreams in the most unlikely of places, but magic cannot create the relationship if you don’t open your mouth and have a conversation.  Thinking magically does not mean thinking stupidly or thinking passively - it means thinking creatively and passionately - being open to new and different ideas, solutions, suggestions and experiences.

My grandchildren think magically every day.  Some of their imaginings are the nonsense of childhood, but some are the thoughts of innocent minds that have not been bullied, beaten down, disappointed and disillusioned - the thoughts that say, “Why not?” or “I believe I can.” or “Who says I can’t?”  They believe in angels, super heroes, fairy princesses and princes and all the wonderful things that go along with those characters.  They believe that good prevails over evil and that there is always a happy ending.  Naive and simple, yes.  But, to me, their innocent beliefs are also inspiring.  Evil may win a lot, happy endings are not promised and fairy-tale characters almost never come to our aid or befriend us, but does it hurt to think that some of those things may happen?  I believe that each of us deserves and receives magic in our lives every day. When we stop believing in that magic, when we stop looking for it and welcoming it, when we stop being grateful for our daily dose of magic, we lose touch with what is the most special and spiritual part of existence. And, then we lose touch with our humanity.


I want to look at life magically.  I want to think magically.  Maybe I am being naive, but maybe I am just being hopeful - hopeful that something I cannot reason my way through, something that causes fear in the pit of my stomach, something that changes my life in ways I cannot immediately accept can magically turn into good.  I want to proactively think magically, too.  I want to believe that magic can create something wonderful in my life.  Manifesting Mount Dora is definitely magically thinking and I am alright with that. I choose to think magically and manifest magically and that is how my home in Mount Dora will be magically created.   

7/19/12 The Importance of Fun

As adults we often forget how important having fun is.  We get busy, we get serious, we get tied down, we get important, we get needed and suddenly there’s no time for fun.  Fun looks frivolous and seems a waste of precious hours that could be spent on making money, going to school, or just doing something inane that fools us into thinking we are chillin’.  Our lives revolve around schedules and fun is rarely scheduled, but maybe it should be.

Perhaps some of you are the lucky ones who learned about balance during your childhood.  Maybe you grew up in a well-balanced family that made time for fun as well as work.  Or maybe your family life was all screwed up, but you figured out how to create balance yourself or you learned it from someone else while you were still young.  I was a late bloomer when it came to balance and to appreciating fun.

Most of my childhood was spent without a mom at home and with a dad who was a far cry from Fred MacMurray.  After the age of seven, when my oldest sister was no longer living at home, I was expected to grow up FAST.  I had many household responsibilities and mistakes were not tolerated.   My father worked six days a week at his business and he was not very tolerant of anyone slacking off, including me.  He rarely took time off.  The few vacations we took were to visit relatives - more like obligations than real vacations.  Obviously, I did not learn balance at home.  But, in spite of having more obligations than a typical child at the time (and yet certainly fewer than many others), I was still a child and playtime and creating fun were part of my life.  But, I did not see much fun in my father’s life and that is the lesson I learned - fun is fine for kids, but should be very limited for adults.

Once I got married at 21, my allotted time for fun became less and less every year.  My job and housework took up most of my time.  My “free” time was spent reading, which I love, but which is not the kind of fun I am talking about.  The fun of which I speak is DOING something that is out-of-the-ordinary, maybe exciting, the kind of activities that create lifetime memories.  That is the kind of fun I rarely had.  As with my father, most vacations with my husband were to visit relatives.  Sure, those trips could be fun, but they were also usually stressful and brought up old, unresolved family issues that dampened any enjoyment.  Any just-for-the-fun-of-it trips were quick day trips that may have provided a break from the routine and may even have been a little fun, but certainly were not those creating-forever-memory types of activities.  For us, money was always a issue.  When you struggle to pay the bills, you feel guilty if you “waste” money on fun or vacations or any kind of loving self-care.


At most of my jobs I worked more than 40 hours a week and often as many as 60 hours a week.  Add my commute times, which, depending on where we lived, ranged from 30 minutes to 90 minutes, and my work days were very long.  Besides the issue of available funds for recreation, I was just too darn tired to even think about planning something fun.  And that is how I felt without children!!  I look at my daughter raising two kids and I worry that she too will lose touch with having fun, but, fortunately, she is more balanced than I ever was at her age. 

It was not until I started my “new life” eight years ago that I began to learn about the importance of fun as an adult.  The new man in my life relished leisure time and made a point of planning fun activities.  He taught me to slow down.  By the time he entered my life, I was very deeply exhausted, physically and spiritually.  Being retired, he took care of the house, my pets and me.  I was still working, and sometimes long hours, but at least the work did not continue when I got home.  I felt guilty coming home to a cooked meal, an orderly house and clean clothes, with nothing to do but relax, but I adjusted and welcomed the much need rest he was providing for me.  Money was still a huge issue for the first few years we were together, but being a master of balance, he taught me how to find inexpensive ways to have fun.  And, once I was rested after years of being overextended, I felt more like getting out and doing activities that were fun, different and stimulating. 

Now, I schedule fun.  I check the newspaper for activities in my city.  We go to plays, movies, concerts, book-signings, art galleries, classes, festivals.  We go for walks and out to dinner and meet friends for coffee.  We entertain in our home.  Although money is less restricted, we still find many things to do that are free or inexpensive.   Most importantly, we get the heck out of town several times a year.  A change of scenery can do so much to give me a fresh perspective and a lift in my mood.  Of course, now we go to Mount Dora several times a year and that is fabulous, but we also go to New Jersey/New York City every year and have spent time in St. Augustine, Myrtle Beach and South Florida.  This fall I am going on a two-day women’s beach retreat that will be an entirely different experience.

I also schedule little trips with my daughter and grandchildren.  This past weekend we went to Tavares, Mount Dora and Deland.  We took seaplane rides, went to a splash park and a playground, took a nature walk and watched the sunset over Lake Dora, ate out at restaurants and visited relatives.  The weekend was full of activities and I did a lot of driving, but we made some wonderful memories and came home refreshed and revived.

Being over-worked, burned-out, tired, bored, and un-stimulated builds blocks - really big, unsurmountable walls - that will not allow prosperity to enter.  By disallowing fun, I was also pushing away prosperity.  Stress, like really thick mud, prevented me from moving forward toward my goals and my desires or, really, from even making goals and having desires.

My man has a saying “nothing ever happens at home” by which he means nothing NEW ever happens at home.  If we stay home, walled-in with our busyness and fatigue, nothing new, and especially nothing new AND good, will ever happen.  Stagnation is a slow death. The TV and computer games are not real life.  We must get out, we must experience fun in any way we can.  Maybe money is an issue, but there are free activities everywhere.  Or, maybe you live in a remote area far from all those fun activities.  So, find something fun to do where you are - perhaps gardening, or some other hobby, or just hanging out with friends.  Take a walk or a drive or a bike ride or a swim.  Play a game or a sport.  GET OUT.  DO SOMETHING.  Make it your mission to find something fun and different to do.  Search for fun.  Search for other people who want to have fun.  Find a way to add some variety to the hours in your life.  Open windows, open doors, open you mind and your heart.  Volunteer and discover a new world.  You may be tired, but laying around the house will only make you more tired.  Doing something that stimulates your mind and gets your body in motion will actually give you energy and allow you to move beyond your walls.  

Prosperity or whatever you want to manifest will not knock down your door and drag you outside so you can experience it.  You have to make the effort and you need to do so with light-heartedness, not as though you are hunting down and killing a critter to find your starving family.  Finding a way to have fun just may be your first step toward your dreams.  I know its working for me.