Miracle in the Night

It is a little after midnight as I write this.  About an hour ago, I was laying in bed, reading the last page of a book.  I closed the book, satisfied with the ending, and laid in my bed thinking of the story and feeling content and cozy.  Everyone in the house, but me, was asleep.  Silence engulfed me.  Even our neighborhood was unusually quiet for a Friday night.  I was ready to turn off my bedside light and go to sleep, but I couldn't. I sometimes experience insomnia, but that was not the case.  My eyes were drowsy and I was ready for a full night of sleep, but something was nagging me - this inexplicable feeling nudging me to get up and go outside.  Why?  I listened intently, but could not hear any worrisome sound and I could not remember any noise that my mind may have registered unconsciously as something of concern.  I breathed deeply - no smell of smoke or chemicals.   I could not identify a problem or a reason to leave the comfort of my bed, but still I felt compelled to go outside.

I tried to push the feeling aside.  I labeled it illogical, nonsensical, impractical and just plain silly, but it would not go away.  Finally, after ten minutes of unsuccessfully attempting to use logic to justify staying under my warm covers, I got up, through a sweater on over my pajamas, slipped on my sandals and tiptoed through the house so as not to wake up anyone with my silly nighttime prowl.  As slowly and quietly as possible, I opened the front door and ventured out into the dark, breezy coolness of this November night.

There were lights on in the three houses across the street, but no one and nothing stirred.  Other than some light traffic sounds from the busier corridor streets to the north and east of our neighborhood, I heard nothing.  I walked around my car and into the carport.  I looked around where our garbage can, recycling bins and charcoal grill are, but nothing was amiss. The plants that line the chest-high wall that makes up one side of the carport were all in place.  My wind chimes were still hanging in place and, since the nighttime breeze was coming from a different direction, they were silently motionless.

As I stood there feeling very cold and very foolish, I heard the soft grunting sounds that one of my rescue dogs makes.  I have two rescues, a 12 year-old mother and her 9 year-old daughter, who I’ve had for ten years and who live in our fenced backyard and sleep on our back porch.  I looked toward the back of the carport, which is separated from our backyard by a chain link fence, expecting to see mama dog standing there, wagging her tail and making her pig-like grunting sounds. But, even in the cloudy darkness, I could see she was not there.  And, yet, her distinctive guttural noises were very close.  I looked to my right and there she sat just inches from me!  What was she doing outside the fence?  How did she get out?  We have lived in this house for eight years and during the first two, when both dogs were much younger and much more spry, they escaped the backyard three times.  The fence is an old patchwork of different types of fencing and after each escape, we found and repaired another hole or gap we had missed the time before.  For six years, the two dogs had only left the backyard when they were leashed and ready to walk our neighborhood or to go to the vet’s office.

I reached down, petted mama dog and grasped her collar, concerned that she may run off.  Both dogs are skittish and easily frightened by loud noises, strange people and other dogs.  After two of the previous escapes, they ran off, scared and panicked, and were not found until hours later.  I did not want that to happen again.  With mama dog in hand, I turned my concern to daughter dog.  Did she escape too or was she still in the backyard?  Was she off running through the neighborhood or was she somewhere near by?  I called her name softly and she rounded the side of my car and joined her mother at my side.

I was so relieved to have them safely next to me and praised them for staying nearby and not leaving our property.  Since it was too dark to investigate the fence, I led the dogs into our Florida room, gave them dishes of water and made beds for them on the terrazzo floor, where they quickly curled up in search of sleep.  Tomorrow my man and I will find and repair the newest escape route in the fence, but, for now, the two dogs are safe, warm and comfortable in their temporary accommodations.

I cannot explain why I could not sleep or why I was nagged by a feeling that I must go outside.  Maybe an angel was whispering to me.  All I know is that if I had not followed that nudge to get up from my warm bed and go out into the chilly night, my dogs would likely be nowhere to be found come morning.

Perhaps this is not a huge miracle, but, to me, it is an amazing and inexplicable miracle, and I cannot help wondering why this experience came to me tonight.  Was it to urge me to be more aware of and to be more willing to follow my inner nudges and instincts?  Was it to teach me that there is always magic and magical happenings around me?  Was it to emphasize that the Universe/God/Source is always sending us helpful messages?  Was it to tell me that anything is possible and that I should practice more trust?  I believe it was for all these reasons and more.  This week, I was again feeling a little overwhelmed and concerned and Mount Dora and my dreams felt very far away.  Now, I feel like I am covered in magical dust and that anything, ANYTHING is possible.

Sharing The Energy

I am energetic and excited about my Manifesting Mount Dora project.  I love writing this blog about it.  I love thinking about Mount Dora, visiting there regularly and visualizing our home and life there.  Some days my enthusiasm is higher than others and, although I can usually conjure up at least some positive thoughts about my manifesting enterprise, little help is welcome.  In answer to my desire for help, The Universe provided a class. 

About two or three weeks ago, I was nearly finished reading a book called "Creating Money: Attracting Abundance" by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer - a book I had hesitated reading because of the title - I feared it would be overly materialistic, but that was not the case at all.  In fact, the book looks evenly at abundance from all aspects, not just the money angle.  At the end of each chapter there are exercises called "playbooks", but I had skipped those intending to come back to them later.  To my surprise, as I neared the end of the book, I received a Facebook message from Mary Madeline Day inviting me to a class on that same book.  Her class would run for 12 weeks on Tuesdays.  Tuesdays are not good for me and I emailed her my regrets about not being able to attend.  Since I was the first person to show an interest in the class, she offered to move it to whatever night worked for me.  Not only did I get a great class to help bolster my manifesting enthusiasm, but I was given the opportunity to choose the day of the week for the class! 

Our first class had 13 people in attendance, including Madeline.  Many had not known about the class or decided to attend until late that afternoon and I believe I was the only person, other than Madeline, who had previously read the book.  In fact, most did not even have a copy of the book.  The bulk of our time was spent getting to know one another and sharing why we were there and what we wanted to gain from the class, ending with a meditation.  We had another session last night and I thoroughly enjoyed the entire experience, especially the sharing of experiences and insights.  A standout inspiration for me was when one of my classmates shared that he had been trying to manifest a new mate and he always imagined the needs and desires that she would fulfill for him, seeing himself as the magnet attracting her. During a recent visualization practice, he was inspired to start thinking of her as trying to manifest him and what needs and desires he could answer in her life.  Changing his imagery to include her as a manifestor increased the power he felt when he was doing his visualization.  What a wonderful idea to think not only of me as manifesting something, but also think of that thing or person as manifesting me.  I can imagine a house in Mount Dora waiting for my family and me to fill its emptiness with laughter and love. Since everything is energy, it is easy to imagine even inanimate objects as sending out magnetic rays to attract you at the same time you are engaged in attraction practices on your end.  I loved this idea and am now practicing it regularly. 

This week I managed to manifest a painting into my life.  I took advantage of my grandchildren being gone for two weeks to redecorate my living room and dining room.  I have worked hard on this project which is why I have not been blogging as much.  I am determined to get everything completed before they arrive home on Sunday.  After my mom passed away, I inherited a framed magazine cover that shows a photo of her and another bicycle racer (she was one of the first female bicycle racers).  The frame is of a rather old-fashioned gold style that matches nothing I have, but I was afraid that the magazine cover would disintegrate if I tried to reframe it.  I decided to place it on a wall in my dining room, but it there was too much space around it.  Something else needed to be added, but I had nothing that matched the gold frame.  I shopped and shopped looking for a gold frame that I could use for some other photo I had on hand or a piece of artwork with a gold frame that would be complimentary, but I found nothing.  Soon I fell into the time-is-running-out-I-have-to-get-this-done-NOW mindset, which inevitably leads to poor choices and wasted money.  Time to chill.  So what if I don't finish that one wall before the children return?  Its okay.  So, I let it be, just staring at it from time to time, imagining what might look good there.  Fast forward a few days.  One of my clients is in the process of closing his business and out of the blue he offered to give me one of the paintings in his office.  I never told him this, but for the past 14 years working there I have admired and lusted for that painting.  And, conveniently, it is in a gold frame and is the right size to compliment my mom's photo!  To make it even better, the painting is called "The Grandmother of God" - somehow that seems a fitting name for a piece of artwork to hang next to my deceased mom's photo.  All that time I spent staring at the empty wall space and imagining what would look nice there led to the manifesting of not only a painting that is fitting, but a painting that I have long admired and wished to own.  I think that is really, really cool.

So, if I can manifest a painting, I have no doubt that I can manifest my new life and home in Mount Dora.  And, I will be doing just that as I go to Mount Dora later this month and walk around the town imagining myself living there, when I identify the house that I know is trying to manifest me as its owner and as I trust that all our acquaintances in Mount Dora are wishing to manifest me as their neighbor.  

7/23/12 Thinking Magically

“And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”   Meister Eckhart

I was thinking a lot about new beginnings recently when I came across this quote.  Seems like many people around me are undergoing major life changes - separations and divorces, moves, unexpected pregnancies, lost jobs, businesses closing, family upheavals, deaths of loved ones.  Many of these changes appear to be negative, bringing pain, confusion, sadness, stress, self-doubt, anger, disillusionment, and disappointment.  Yet, all these changes have the potential to become positive, life-affirming and inspirational.  Most of the negativity that surrounds change stems from fear and when we fear change we cannot view it as something magical.

Fear is normal and healthy, in the correct situation and with the right amount of restraint.
Fear is a warning that an action, situation, desire, or even a thought could produce danger and requires further consideration, or in already dangerous conditions, fear warns us that immediate action is required.  Fear has its place but being in fear should not be anyone’s daily state.

If you are in a situation that is truly dangerous, such as an abusive relationship, try your best to find a way out - ask for help, go to the authorities, search for a way to remove yourself from the dangerous circumstance.  If you are in a dangerous place, such as a crime-ridden neighborhood, you may not be able to leave right now, but you can take many steps to keep yourself as safe as possible and perhaps work toward moving somewhere less dangerous in the future.

But, the fear that surrounds endings and new beginnings is a different type of fear.  Sometimes we just overreact to situations.  We worry incessantly about something that we cannot change or that we cannot even predict.  That form of fear is irrational and extremely unhealthy, often leading to a myriad of illnesses.   Being cautious when dealing with changes, even obviously happy ones, is commendable, but being actually fearful, when you have no identifiable and rational reason for the fear, is not.  Fear holds us back, keeps us stuck, halts our growth and progression, blocks prosperity.

I know a great deal about fear.  I spent most of my adult life fearing change.  I did not look or seem fearful and no one would have described me that way, but fear was my constant companion.  Even recognizably good changes created pangs of fear deep in my core.  Due to fear, I held back, lived small and too cautiously, and watched life pass me by.  Fortunately, I believe I am past that now.  Changes can still cause that catch in my throat, the one that happens just before you muffle a cry, or keep me awake until I hear the morning newspaper delivered at 4 AM, but, it feels more like worry and less like fear.  Worry is not much better than fear, but I find I can control worry more easily than fear.  Fear tends to paralyze me, even when I know what I should do or least when I know I should be doing something, but worry just consumes and annoys me for awhile and disrupts my balance and then usually I can brush it aside and move on.

The people I know going through all those changes have experienced some fear and worry, plus many of those other emotions I named, but they are moving forward, taking positive steps and looking for ways to resolve or accept their situations.  Some dealt with the negative emotions more quickly and more efficiently than the others.  Those who muddled through at a slower rate had bigger lessons to learn, I believe.

The real challenge is knowing “it’s time to start something new” and trusting in the “magic of beginnings”.  I know I tend to concentrate on the ending, rather than the beginning.  A marriage is ending, but a new phase of life is beginning.  A job has ended, but the possibility of a new, better job is beginning.  Focusing on the new beginning can make the ending easier to assimilate.  I know, all that positive thinking stuff is hard to wrap your head around when you are worried about where you will live, how you will pay your bills, and all the many other concerns that come along with changes, especially unexpected, and perhaps unwelcome, changes.  If someone says, “Think positive” you probably want to positively punch them in the gut.

“Think positive” has become trite and annoying.  Perhaps “think magical” is better and more genuine.  I mean, truly, when you are faced with what seems to be a horrible, uninvited, undesired change, thinking positive either seems hopeless or wimpy.  But, “thinking magical” is, well, magical.  We cannot really predict what sort of action or occurrence might happen that could be called magical.  We don’t know how to make magic happen, so we have to let go and let God or The Universe or Source or whomever or whatever take over.  We have to BELIEVE that somehow, someway everything will work out well for all those involved and that in the process we will learn the lessons we need to absorb to move forward in our spiritual progression.

Why is Disney World/Land so popular?  Because it is magical.  You leave your cares and concerns at the gate and enter a place where imagination and magic rule.  I have no idea how all those fun and fantastic Disney experiences are produced, but I don’t need to know nor do I want to know.  If I knew, that wonderful feeling of magic would evaporate like snowflakes on a sunny day.  Sometimes believing in and relying on magic is just what we need.

Of course, we don’t live in Disney World, so walking around we our heads in the clouds thinking that all of our problems will magically go away is not advisable.  We can think magically, meaning that we leave our minds open for unexplained and seemingly magical resolutions to our problems, but we also need to be ready to act when some magic comes our way.  Magic may bring an unbelievable job opportunity to your doorstep, but magic will not give you that much needed job if you do not make the effort to obtain it.  Magic may arrange for you to meet the man/woman of your dreams in the most unlikely of places, but magic cannot create the relationship if you don’t open your mouth and have a conversation.  Thinking magically does not mean thinking stupidly or thinking passively - it means thinking creatively and passionately - being open to new and different ideas, solutions, suggestions and experiences.

My grandchildren think magically every day.  Some of their imaginings are the nonsense of childhood, but some are the thoughts of innocent minds that have not been bullied, beaten down, disappointed and disillusioned - the thoughts that say, “Why not?” or “I believe I can.” or “Who says I can’t?”  They believe in angels, super heroes, fairy princesses and princes and all the wonderful things that go along with those characters.  They believe that good prevails over evil and that there is always a happy ending.  Naive and simple, yes.  But, to me, their innocent beliefs are also inspiring.  Evil may win a lot, happy endings are not promised and fairy-tale characters almost never come to our aid or befriend us, but does it hurt to think that some of those things may happen?  I believe that each of us deserves and receives magic in our lives every day. When we stop believing in that magic, when we stop looking for it and welcoming it, when we stop being grateful for our daily dose of magic, we lose touch with what is the most special and spiritual part of existence. And, then we lose touch with our humanity.


I want to look at life magically.  I want to think magically.  Maybe I am being naive, but maybe I am just being hopeful - hopeful that something I cannot reason my way through, something that causes fear in the pit of my stomach, something that changes my life in ways I cannot immediately accept can magically turn into good.  I want to proactively think magically, too.  I want to believe that magic can create something wonderful in my life.  Manifesting Mount Dora is definitely magically thinking and I am alright with that. I choose to think magically and manifest magically and that is how my home in Mount Dora will be magically created.   

5/19/12 My Week of Self-Care

I have not written in seven days and greatly missed my blog time, but knew I needed to chill and take care of myself.  Some of April and all of May were tumultuous and my body was feeling the strain - sleep was hit-and-miss, my upper back and neck were tight with pain, nearly every part of my body was achy and uncomfortable and exhaustion was my state of being. 

In an effort to feel less stressed, more balanced and rested, I treated myself to a Reiki session with Shenna Benarte Tuesday evening and a massage with Gina Englert Thursday evening.  Gina and I also had a lovely girls’ night out after my massage and dined at Café Colette in the Wild Iris Bookstore, eating wild mushrooms and tropical salads.  We even, unexpectedly, ran into each other the next day and enjoyed lunching together at Tempo Bistro to Go, where my man and I had eaten a delicious meal on Wednesday evening.  This morning, he and I had a scrumptious breakfast at Sisters in the Haile Village and bought many luscious veggies and fruits and a bag of intensely strong coffee at the Haile Farmer’s Market.  My diet is often not the best.  Even though vegetarian, I don’t always make the healthiest food choices and often eat on-the-go or while doing something else.  But, this week I ate several tasty, healthy, mindful meals filled with fresh, local and often organic ingredients and my body feels grateful.

I made some purchases that also helped with my week of self-care.  One was a Tibetan Singing Bowl.  The bowl became my possession through synchronicity.  At the 2011 Gainesville Fall Art Festival, there was a Tibetan Singing Bowl at a booth.  I had wanted one for a long time, but most of my cash was gone and to buy the bowl I needed to go to an ATM, etc.  Feeling tired and not wanting to be bothered at the time, I passed up the opportunity to buy the bowl.  Several times since then, I have regretted not buying it and even thought recently about how helpful the bowl might have been during the past weeks of stress.  This morning, the same woman had a booth at the Haile Farmer’s Market and she again had one Tibetan Singing Bowl.  I did not even notice her or her booth, but my man did.  Once I realized who she was, my eyes searched her booth for a Singing Bowl, but sadly did not find one.  When she recalled who we were and that I was interested in a Singing Bowl at the art festival, she pulled several items out of a bowl on her table.  The bowl had been hidden by the items it held, so I did not notice it was a Tibetan Singing Bowl.  Again, my cash was mostly gone, but this time I made the effort to find an ATM and brought home my lovely Tibetan Singing Bowl.  When I finally get to my mom’s house and bring home the items she bequeathed me, one will be a small, round marble-top table that she knew I always admired.  My Tibetan Singing Bowl will live happily and beautfully in the center of that table.   

Another self-care purchase was a book called “Living Peace” by John Dear, which caught my eye when I was in a large, national bookstore in search of another publication that the local booksellers did not have (the big-box bookstore also did not have it).  I put the book back on the shelf after perusing it because the writing seemed too “religious” to me.  The author is a Jesuit priest and the book relies heavily on biblical references that triggered my old “don’t mention God and the Bible to me” reaction.  Sometimes I forget that I have evolved to the point of accepting and appreciating various spiritual paths and I fall back into patterns of exclusion.  I continued walking around the store, but was drawn back to the book time and again until I finally shook off my old thinking and purchased it.  The book is inspiring, simply and beautifully written and has helped me focus on peace in my life. 

The third self-care purchase was a CD - “Stress Reduction & Creative Meditations” by Marc Allen.  I believe in meditation and I try to practice it, but have limited success.  The most I can accomplish is short, simple meditations.  I have more luck with guided meditations and possess several CDs using various methods of guided meditations.  Some did not work at all for me and some were, at times, partially successful, but none led me to a state of true relaxation.  As the book had, this CD caught my eye.  I was determined to just walk by and not spend more money on another meditation CD that would not help me when I saw the words “With an Introduction by Shakti Gawain”.  Shakti Gawain wrote my favorite book on manifesting, “Creative Visualization”, which I wrote about in my last post.  If she was willing to record an introduction to that meditation CD, I was willing to give it a try.  I often suffer from insomnia - have difficulty getting to sleep or wake up and am unable to return to sleep.  I am not proud to say that I often rely on three (yes, three!) Advil PM tablets to help me get some much-needed rest.  My insomnia comes and goes, but has been relentless during the last few stressful weeks.  I used the CD Wednesday night and was amazed - no, shocked - at how relaxed I became.  Within seconds of the last sound on the recording, I was asleep.  I used it again last night with the same result.  Not only does it help me relax enough to fall asleep, I sleep soundly and wake up early feeling refreshed. 

My week is coming to a close and I can honestly say I feel like a different person than I did seven days ago.  My body feels like my friend, rather than my enemy.  I am relatively and suprisingly relaxed.  I feel optimistic, happy and even peaceful.  I am once again able to visualize, and Manifesting Mount Dora feels not only doable, but imminent. 

4/8/12 Mount Dora Morning

Our stay in Mount Dora is coming to an end.  Just a couple of morning hours left before we load the car and head north.  The morning is cool, but the heavy breeze that was constant for two days has abated.  As soon as the sun is higher in the sky, the temperature is sure to reach the high 80's.  I awoke to the chiming of Easter morning church bells, but now, other than an occasional passing car on this quiet street and the twittering of birds, the only sound is the soft taping of my computer keys.

The time here has been good.  The petty irritations that followed us were blown away in the stiff lake winds.  My man and I have fallen into the softness that surrounds this town.  Many long, long walks have left us comfortably tired.  We spent precious time with our friends who own or work at the Cuban restaurant where we dined twice.  We choose to eat there at off-hours when the owner and the staff are not busy, allowing us to have leisurely conversations with them.  On Friday morning, before her shop opened for business, we visited with the owner of my favorite women’s boutique and again yesterday when I shopped there.  She and I recently became friends on Facebook and I look forward to strengthening our friendship when we move here.  

An important part of manifesting is to act and talk as if your desires are already plans in progress.  The details are inconsequential.  We need not be bothered with all the hows and whens; we just need to live as though our dreams are happening right now because they are.  Right now, everything we do and say is part of the manifestation process.  With our shop owner friend and the owner and staff at the Cuban restaurant, we shared our plans to move here and my man even invited them to our future Mount Dora home for an Argentine asado (cookout).  I know all the pieces and parts will fall together in time. 

Now seems a good time to review how my commitment to positivity is progressing.  Since March 20th, the first day of my Manifesting Mount Dora project, I only missed one day of writing in my Gratitude Journal.  New posts to my blog appear every two to three days just as I planned.  I am listening to more music which soothes the rough edges of my hours.  I also bought and listen frequently to a CD call “Music to Inspire Positive Thinking Scientifically Designed by Dr. Lee R. Bartel”.  I bought the CD at an independent bookstore.  It was in one of those electronic displays where a sample of each CD for sale can be heard with the press of a button.  I did not know about Dr. Bartel and I had no opinion as to whether or not music can be scientifically designed for positive thinking, but I liked the gentle tunes and figured listening to the melodic sounds certainly was relaxing and so could possibly have the ability to inspire positive thinking.  Since then, I Googled Dr. Bartel and found that he is a Professor of Music and Assistant Dean at the University of Toronto and is the Acting Director of the Music and Health Research Collaboratory.  He teaches graduate classes in Music and the Brain and the Social Psychology of Music and certainly seems qualified to design music for positive thinking.  A quick visit to Amazon.com revealed that he also has CD’s to promote rejuvenation, stress relief and relaxation. 

I stay focused on being positive and search for ways to promote happiness and a sense of well-being in my life.  Tonight, we will attend a Crystal Bowls Concert and Mediation in our current hometown.  If you have never experienced the sounds of crystal bowls, I highly recommend searching for a musician who uses them in your area or downloading/buying some crystal bowl music from a website.  The sounds will touch your soul and give you a deep feeling of peace.  So, the concert tonight is one more step on my journey to “be peace” which is also part of my journey to Manifesting Mount Dora.  It is all related.   

I continue reading positive and inspiring books.  While at the same independent bookstore where I bought Bartel’s CD, I also picked up a used book called “The Architecture of All Abundance - Seven Foundations to Prosperity” by Lenedra J. Carroll, which I started as soon as I finished re-reading The Secret.  Carroll’s book is wonderfully entertaining, informational and inspirational.  I want to share a biblical quote from her book that seems very appropriate for this Easter morning. 

    Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin; and yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
    Wherefore, if God so clothes the grass of the field - which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven - shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith.
    Therefore take no thought, saying, "What shall we eat?" or,"What shall we drink?" or, "Wherewithal shall we be clothed?" for the God of your Being knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
    Seek them not, nor be of doubtful mind but rather seek ye first the kingdom of your God, and in his righteousness all of these things shall be added unto you, for it is God's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.     Matthew 6:28-33, Luke 12:27-31

Being more of a spiritual nature and not a religious one, I use that quote in a non-preachy sense.  In my church-going days, those words were read aloud many, many times, but not until I read them in Carroll’s book did I notice “the God of your Being and “the kingdom of your God”.  To me that just confirms my belief that we all have our own spiritual path and you may walk with the Judeo-Christian god or with the many Hindu gods or with Buddha or you may connect spiritually with an all encompassing Universe, but we still are lilies of the field and we should live in faith that we will be cared for as they are. 

I will end with another quote from “The Architecture of All Abundance”:

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way that it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want.”     —Margaret Young

I find a correlation between “. . .seek ye first the kingdom of your God, and in his righteousness all these things will be added unto you” and “You must be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want.” 

Perhaps, just perhaps, being who we are meant to be and doing what we love to do is the way we are to seek the kingdom of God.  What do you think?