5/2/12 Women at Fifty

The last few days have been hard.  As to be expected, I am dealing with grief from my mother’s passing.  She did not want a funeral or service of any kind, leaving me considering ways that I can have a personal service to bring about a feeling of closure.  My sleep is peppered with memories of her and I wake up feeling unrested and unsettled.  There are also legal issues regarding her estate and with the help of a dear friend in her state, I am doing what I can from here to help with those problems.  Eventually, I will have to go there, but until certain issues are settled, my ability to accomplish much is limited.  I am also dealing with some tensions and issues in my own household that are additional burdens I don’t need right now.  I feel sad, drained and very off-kilter. 

So much of manifesting centers around feeling and being positive and although I am doing the best I can, I often feel too tired or overwhelmed to channel energy into anything but the tasks and concerns at hand.  I struggle just to find a place of peace from which I can operate.  I am still manifesting Mount Dora, but I think my focus on that needs to take a backseat to other, more immediate issues.  Life often moves us in other directions, if not permanently, at least for awhile.  I still gaze at my Manifesting Mount Dora Closet Door Vision Board, especially when I am searching for that elusive place of peace or when I just need a break from all that is swirling around me.  My Intention is out there in the Universe and Mount Dora is waiting patiently for me.  Although I am emotionally overwhelmed right now, my reconnection with writing won’t let me skip my blog for more than a couple of days and this evening I felt a strong need to write about something.  And, really, just how much can I or should I write about my grief and issues?  Time to go in a different direction. 

I spoke with a co-worker today about her move this week from the house she and her husband shared for many years to an apartment where she will live alone, planning a new life as a single woman.  She mentioned how turning 50 makes you think differently.  I know - the year I turned 50 was when I also left my husband.  I don’t know about men, but for many women, 50 is the year of liberation - the year we stop thinking of everyone else and start thinking of ourselves - the year we stop being cautious and careful and considerate.  Turning 50 is more than a birthday, it is an independence day.  For most women, by the age of 50, the children are grown or at least out of high school and for once they can think of themselves as something other than mothers.  At 50, we have come to accept that we are no longer the young girls that we once were.  In our 40's we are able to fool ourselves into thinking that with exercise and diet we can still look and act like we did at 20.  By 50, we know differently and can gradually create and accept a new vision of ourselves.  We do not and will never again look 20 and we learn to not only to accept, but also to embrace, that knowledge.  Freedom comes when we no longer feel the need to live up to some unrealistic ideal.  We relax more and choose to be comfortable rather than fashionable.  Wisdom is treasured more than trends, reflection more than distraction.  At 50, we can start thinking, perhaps for the first time, about what we want to manifest for ourselves.   I am sure my co-worker will begin figuring out who she wants to be in the second half of her life.  She probably is not aware of manifesting or the Law of Attraction, but she will spend her new alone time trying to figure out who she is as a single woman and what she wants to create for herself in the years to come.  She may feel lonely right now, maybe sad, maybe disappointed, maybe even fearful, but with time she will come into her power, the power she claimed when she dared to think of a life different than the one she’d been living for 29 years.  Power does not always start out feeling powerful.  It often feels small and frightened and confused, but that is just dormant power - the seed of power that sits waiting until the environment is right, until all the tears have been shed and all the regrets wiped away and all the fears put to rest.  In the rich soil watered by a woman’s tears, power grows and blooms.  Watch closely -  a woman coming into her power is a magnificent sight.  

4/28/12 Good-bye, Mom

My mom died last night.  Well, she was really my step-mother, but the only mom I ever knew.  I expected her to die from cancer.  She had uterine cancer about 10 years ago, went through radiation and chemotherapy, had every side-effect listed for both, and almost died several times from her treatments rather than the cancer.  Her life was spared, but the chemo left her with nerve damage in both legs and hands.  For ten years she walked with braces, also using a wheelchair from time to time.  Last October she was diagnosed with cancer in one lung and both breasts and had a blood clot in one leg.  I thought it was too much for someone in her 80's to survive all that, but she did.  More surgeries, more radiation, many hospital and nursing home stays between October and February and the dreaded chemo again, but this time in pill form.  Additional questionable spots and even a large mass were discovered a few weeks ago.  Again, I was braced for the word “incurable”, but, instead, she was declared cancer-free.  The new areas of concern needed to be watched closely, but were not malignant.  The areas discovered in October were cured.  She was ecstatic.  She quickly made appointments to get new braces for her legs, new glasses and new dentures - all things she had put off after the cancer detection last year.  All during her treatments she did not want me to come visit (she lived more than 500 miles from me).  “No, no,” she said over and over, “What are you going to do - sit and watch me?  No, wait until I am better.”  So, I waited.  After the good news two weeks ago, I told her I’d come visit soon and again she said, ‘Wait.  Let me get all these appointments out of the way.  Maybe in May or June.”  So, I waited.  I was in the grocery store this morning when I got a call from her good friend who chauffeured her to doctor appointments and the store when she was too sick or too weak to drive.  She did not answer the door this morning when his wife went to visit.  The door was mysteriously unlocked.  His wife found my mom dead on the floor by her bed.  Groceries still sat in her unlocked car.  All signs indicate a heart attack.  Not how we expected her to go, but certainly a better way to leave this world than dying slowly from cancer, consumed with pain and drugs.   

My step-mom and my dad divorced when I was four and she took their daughter, my younger sister, and moved back to her home state of Maine.  She raised my sister as a single mom when single motherhood was an oddity.  She had a career as a state court reporter, started her own court reporting business and later owned a printing shop.  From the middle of my junior year of high school through my senior year, I lived with her and my sister.  I am so grateful that she allowed me to live with them at a rough time in my life.   

My mom was a tough old bird - a real fighter.  She was headstrong and believed she could do anything she put her mind to and she usually did.  In the 40's and 50's, she was an award-winning bicycle racer at a time with most women only won baking contests.  I remember in the early 1970's, her house needed a new roof.  The estimates she got for the work were too high for her wallet, so she went to the library and checked out books on shingle roofing and taught herself how to re-roof a house.  Back then she was in her 40's and she spent Saturdays and Sundays for a month carrying shingles up a ladder and nailing them to the roof.  She completed the job and the roof never once leaked.  Later, in her unfinished basement, she, by herself, built a laundry room and a family room with a fireplace.  As long as there was a library book to tell her how, she could make or do almost anything.  Even recently, in her 80's with legs in braces and still fighting the cancer that was diagnosed in October, she missed one of my phone calls because she was mowing her yard.  Yes, “tough” was the word that described her aptly.

Tough is good when you want to re-roof a house or build a room, but not always the best attribute for relationships.  She was opinionated and inflexible and could hold a grudge like no one else I knew, other than my father.  No wonder their marriage only lasted two years! Neither ever married again and all eligible men and women in their age group should be thankful.  Neither one was willing to compromise and adapt the way that marriage requires.  Most other relationships also require a bit of give and take and her unwillingness to do that left her with very few close friends or family. 

We were always in contact and I loved her very much, even when she was difficult to love.  I am grateful for the example she provided of a strong, independent woman, but, truthfully, some of the best lessons I learned from her were the ones that taught me how I did not want to be.  The same was true of my dad.  I saw what I did not like in them and chose to be different.  Not every life lesson is delivered as something positive.   

Both my dad and my step-mom were hard workers.  They toiled and toiled and had minor successes and colossal failures.  As Americans and as children of the Great Depression, they held industriousness and the stuff it could buy in high esteem and thought nothing of value could ever be obtained except by hard work.  And, yet, both ended up with more estranged relationships than money in the bank.  My mom leaves a houseful of things - most of which no one wants and which I and her few friends will have to dispose of.  Is life supposed to be only about hard work  - often work we do not even enjoy - just so we can leave behind stuff that few people want or value?  Shouldn’t the number of people at one’s funeral outnumber the boxes of junk in one’s house?   

And, what does this have to do with Manifesting Mount Dora?  A lot.  Priorities are important.  Knowing what truly counts in the end is important.  Realizing that we manifest with our hearts rather than our hands is important.  Knowing that the sweat on your brow should be the result of happiness in your heart is important.  Realizing that you will be remembered for the love you gave rather than the stuff you left behind is important.  And, knowing it is all manifestation, deliberate or unconscious, is important. 

4/26/12 Finding and Embracing Your Purpose

From “The Purpose of Your Life” by Carol Adrienne:

“At this moment, you are in a stage of your developing purpose, and you are not off track, no matter how blocked you currently feel.  Your calling has already made itself known through what motivates you (past and present), what attracts you, what you resist, and what frustrates you.  Your calling may have made a brief appearance between the ages of three and eight, or revealed itself in adolescence through a sudden interest.  Your calling can also be glimpsed in what you admire in others.  It can be seen in those abilities you have that you don’t even think are special.”


I feel so strongly that successful manifestation is linked to one’s life’s purpose that I want to explore that subject more.  Do you feel like you are living a purposeful life?  Do you feel you exist for a reason, that you can make a difference by following your purpose? 

Like most people, you may just live.  You get up, go to work or school, run errands, come home, eat, watch TV and go to bed.  On the weekends you may do something a little different or even a little special.  You have a job that pays the bills and may even have a profession for which you studied and for which you possess special skills and training, but the activity that earns a living may not be your true purpose, your passion. 

Of course, what you do for a living could be your life’s purpose.  If you feel passionate about what you do, no matter how trivial the world may judge your work, if you feel you are making a difference and that what you do fulfills a strong need within you, your work may very well be your passion.  If so, consider yourself lucky.  Most likely you identified your purpose at a fairly young age and were able to pursue it through education or work experience.  Or, maybe you tried other careers before you landed in the one that felt purposeful and meaningful.  Either way, you are fortunate to be there. 

Or, perhaps, you lost track of what may have seemed like a purpose when you were young.  Adults and even other children may have ridiculed your passion.  If your passion is unusual or does not seem likely to produce a viable living, others will negatively judge it, cruelly make fun of it or steer you away from it.  Often these are well-meaning adults who urge you to choose a livelihood that will provide a decent salary and allow you to live their idea of a typical “successful” adult life. 

Life itself may have gotten you off track.  You assumed unexpected responsibilities due to financial difficulties, poor health, an accident, the death of a parent, an early marriage or an expected pregnancy or many other possible detours from your path.  Or, are those events really detours?  Perhaps your dream was put on hold so you can further your education - not a school education, but the education of life.  Maybe you needed these experiences to gain the knowledge to one day reunite with your passion.

In Carol Adrienne’s book “Find Your Purpose, Change Your Life”, she gives many exercises to help you identify your passion and just as the quote in the beginning of this post says, that passion most likely revealed itself at a young age.  When I use her workbook to identify my purpose, the answers always have to do with writing, reading and books - all passions that I originally discovered in my childhood.  I remember in my second grade class the students were divided into three groups by our reading skills.  I was in the middle group.  We read boring stories about Spot and Jane and Tom - no plot, no humor - and I was bored and completely uninterested in reading.  Half way through the year we were allowed to start checking books out of the school library and that is when I discovered Dr. Suess and Curious George and so many other fabulous children’s books that actually were interesting and funny!  I read and read and soon moved up to the first reading group and very quickly became the second best reader in my class.  I felt passionate about reading and still do. 

My mother died when I was an infant and through most of my childhood my older sister and I did all the housework on Saturdays.  When I was about nine my job was to dust while my older sister vacuumed.  One Saturday, she finished her work and left me to do mine while she went to a neighbor’s house.  I was dusting my father’s bookshelves as I always did, when, for the first time, I actually started looking at the books, reading the titles, shuffling through the pages.  One of his books was “The Complete Poetical Works of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow”.  I sat on the floor with my back against the bookcase and read poem after poem until I reached “A Psalm of Life”:

A PSALM OF LIFE
 WHAT THE HEART OF THE YOUNG MAN SAID TO THE PSALMIST

    TELL me not, in mournful numbers,
        Life is but an empty dream ! —
    For the soul is dead that slumbers,
        And things are not what they seem.

    Life is real !   Life is earnest!
        And the grave is not its goal ;
    Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
        Was not spoken of the soul.

    Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
        Is our destined end or way ;
    But to act, that each to-morrow
        Find us farther than to-day.

    Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
        And our hearts, though stout and brave,
    Still, like muffled drums, are beating
        Funeral marches to the grave.

    In the world's broad field of battle,
        In the bivouac of Life,
    Be not like dumb, driven cattle !
        Be a hero in the strife !

    Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant !
        Let the dead Past bury its dead !
    Act,— act in the living Present !
        Heart within, and God o'erhead !

    Lives of great men all remind us
        We can make our lives sublime,
    And, departing, leave behind us
        Footprints on the sands of time ;

    Footprints, that perhaps another,
        Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
    A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
        Seeing, shall take heart again.

    Let us, then, be up and doing,
        With a heart for any fate ;
    Still achieving, still pursuing,
        Learn to labor and to wait.


By the time my sister returned home, I had completely memorized the poem.  She was incensed that I was “lazing around” and did not complete my work.  She later told my father who gruffly interrogated me on what I chose to do when I was supposed to be dusting.  I told him I was reading the poems of Longfellow in his book.  He wrinkled his brow in disbelief.  Who ever heard of a nine-year-old willingly reading Longfellow?  My sister called me a liar, but then I started reciting “A Psalm of Life”.  Complete silence followed my recitation.  My father, an avid reader and lover of literature, actually praised me for my memorization of that poem, much to my sister’s dismay, and he allowed me to take that collection of poems as well a book of Wadsworth’s poems to my room so I could read them whenever I wanted. That day I discovered a passion for poetry and literature beyond childhood books.

During the same year, I was reading “Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm” when I noticed the lyrical titles of the chapters and imagined them as titles of poems.  I spent the afternoon writing a poem for each chapter title - I believe there were nine or ten of them.  And, that is how I discovered that I could write poetry.  In fifth and sixth grades I excelled at all forms of writing - poetry, essays, stories.  By then I knew my passion was the written word and I intended to be a writer.  But, life got in the way.  I was told that writers rarely can support themselves with their craft, that writing as a professional was impractical.  I adjusted my dream a little and went to college to become a teacher, figuring I would write on the side.  Due to financial problems I never finished school.  Needing to support myself I worked at whatever jobs I could get.  I married and still needed to keep working.  I found I had a knack for bookkeeping and found my niche in the business world doing that and eventually came to establish my own bookkeeping service.  I like what I do, but cannot say that I am passionate about it.

After getting married and all during my 20's, I continued to write - a little bit - poems for my husband or for friends on their birthdays.  Back then we still wrote letters and I could write a darn good letter!  But, by my 30's the writing stopped.  I still read, but I veered away from literature and poetry and spent my time on best-sellers.  I not only lost my passion for the written word, but for life in general.  As I have undergone great changes in the last nine years, my passion for life has returned and with it my love of the written word.  Slowly I’ve been reacquainting myself with writing and that has led to this blog. 

One way to identify your purpose, your passion is to think of the one activity that makes you lose all track of time.  The one thing you love to do, or once loved to do, that makes you feel as if time is standing still.  Writing does that for me.  And now I am using my writing to activate my newer passion of Manifesting Mount Dora! 

Many people have not found a way to turn their passion into a living and some prefer that their passion not become as ordinary as a method to pay the bills.  I don’t make a living writing and that is okay for now.  Maybe some day I will, but for today I enjoy exercising my passion this way.  What is your passion, your purpose?  Are you living it in some fashion right now?  If not, can you find a way to incorporate your passion into your present life?  Try and see how much happier you will be. 

4/24/12 Manners and Manifesting

Today I read an article in the Gainesville Sun via McClatchy Newspapers called “Polishing Your Manners Can Improve Relationships”.  As the title discloses, the article is about how your life and your relationships will be more harmonious if you practice good manners with everyone.  Seems like a no brainer, but bad manners are rampant and I believe that has much to do with the malaise in our society right now.  While shopping or running errands, there is rarely a time that I do not hear parents swearing at or around their children, children being rude to their parents and any other adults in their vicinity, spouses fighting loudly and openly in public, friends treating each other with disdain or sometimes outright cruelty, strangers being discourteous, rude and obnoxious to one another. 

My great-aunt Helen, who lived to be 104, often said, “Most, if not all, of the world’s problems can be solved with good manners..”  At first, I thought her statement was unrealistically simplistic, but with more consideration I realized her words were actually very wise.  How could we have wars or crimes if we are acting politely and with respect for one another?  Most societal problems and personal misunderstandings start with poor behavior and isn’t poor behavior the same as bad manners?  Good manners mean we are being thoughtful and respectful of another’s feelings.  If we treat one another with conscious consideration, how could we commit crimes against each other, how could we start and fight wars?

So what does any of this have to do with manifesting?  The Law of Attraction says like attracts like.  If we are displaying negative, bad behavior and exhibiting poor manners, how can we attract anything positive?  If we are being rude, how will we attract the people who can help make our intentions a reality? 

Successful manifestation requires synchronicity - the almost magical coming together of people and events at exactly the right time to help us create our new reality.  If we repel people, and this includes strangers, with our lack of manners and if we conduct ourselves in unfriendly, unhelpful and disapproving ways, how can we possibly attract the necessary people we need at the right moment?  Not only will we fail to attract that which we desire, but we will draw unto us the same negativity that we are displaying.  Our behavior will result in the opposite of what we are intending. 

Being mannerly does not mean becoming a doormat.  You can stand up for yourself and you can set boundaries without being mean or rude.  People often laugh at Miss Manners and Dear Abby articles that praise mannerly behavior, but there is good advice in those letters and commentaries.  We can convey our feelings and concerns, even when  expressing displeasure, disappointment, annoyance or anger, without using foul language, derogatory names, shrill voices, rude hand or finger signals, or any of the other poor replacements for thoughtful language.  Has our education system failed us so completely that we can only express ourselves in words of four letters or less?

Today I was driving my car into a convenience store parking lot when a very large SUV coming from a different direction swerved in front of me and pulled into the parking area, straddling the only two parking spaces left.  There was not enough room for me to park on either side of the hulking vehicle.  I found a non-parking area that had enough maneuvering room for me to stay there while my man ran into the store.  To my amazement the woman in the SUV never left her vehicle.  She took up two parking spaces and just sat there for about five minutes and then abruptly backed up and left.  I could see her face clearly when she drove past me and she looked furious.  I can’t imagine what problem would contort her face with such anger.  I could have screamed at her.  I could have thrown her the finger.  Honestly, that was my first thought.  How dare she?  Who does she think she is?  Etc, etc.  We’ve all experienced something similar and we’ve given into the urge to display our anger with rude, unmannerly words or gestures.  But, I am trying to Manifest Mount Dora and am very conscious of my thoughts, feelings and actions.  I only want to radiate positivity, so I avoid, as often as I can, sharp remarks, thoughtless comments, blatant displays of anger, and fits of displeasure.  I chose not to react with bad manners.  I chose to consider this woman a fellow human being with problems of which I have no knowledge.  Perhaps that’s not the case.  Perhaps she is willfully self-centered, obnoxious, rude and a bad driver all the time.  Maybe her in-your-face and ineffective display of anger through her parking is a common occurrence in her life.  But, that does not really matter - who she is and how she acts should not be the trigger for bad behavior from me.  In another situation, under different circumstances, I may have been able to be a positive influence on her, but today I was only able to not allow her to be a negative influence on me.  I chose not to give my power to her.  I chose to use my power to sit calmly in my car and send out wishes that whatever terrible thing she was experiencing would be resolved, allowing her to see past the anger that was blinding her today.  I am not patting myself on the back.  Truthfully, I was known as an aggressive, angry driver for several years of my life.  Back then my reaction would have been completely different than how I responded today.  But, now I know that when I act rudely or show bad manners or display boundless anger (that probably has nothing to do with the situation at hand), I am just attracting more negativity to me - more rude people, more parking space hogs, more impoliteness, more obnoxiousness.  I don’t want those negatives in my life, so I choose to bring a bit of peace into my little corner of the world.  I choose to believe that “Most, if not all, of the world’s problems can be solved with good manners.”

4/21/12 An Amazing Day

Friday I had lunch with a dear friend who has seen me through the ups and downs of many situations through many years.  I shared with her some of the challenges and stresses in my life right now and she was surprised at how well I was responding - how I was not trying to fix everything and everyone as she has seen me attempt to do in the past.  I knew that my recent reactions have been out-of-character for me - in a very good way - but having someone else confirm my own observation was encouraging. 

Today I attended the Spiritual Connections Faire held at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship here in my town.  These gatherings of psychic, card readers, intuitives, channelers, healers and vendors happen about three times a year and I have been attending for at least five years.  My yoga teacher, Shenna Benarte, is also a Medicine Card reader so I have a tradition of going to her for a reading at these fairs.  We have both chuckled over the fact that I see her nearly every week and could have a reading any time I want, and sometimes I do, but I like to continue the tradition of my readings with her at this particular fair.  If I feel inclined, I may also have a session with another reader, psychic or intuitive, but today I only visited her.  The reading revolved around many of the stressors in my life right now and the consistent advice was to back off and let everything unfold without my direct interference or control.  I should be in a loving space of support, but should not try to “fix” anything or anyone - exactly what I have been practicing for the first time in my life.  The reading confirmed that those around me have lessons to learn and the events, often negative in nature, that are occurring are obstacles for them to overcome on their paths to self-enlightenment and I just need to be a compassionate observer.  The cards also confirmed that Mount Dora is on my path and I was very uplifted by that.  To me, readings are the same as counseling - the cards help to guide and counsel without predicting the future.  Yes, the cards said Mount Dora is on my path, but I guarantee that should I waver from my path, I will never manifest a home in my favorite little town no matter what the cards said.  The confirmation that my focus is on target is comforting, though.

I also had a Reiki session with Dee Mitchell, a Reiki master, healer and teacher.  Dee is a powerful woman and she and my man have a strong bond.  When he experienced some health challenges five years ago, her Reiki greatly elevated his healing process and although he was not a believer in Reiki when he had his first session with her, he certainly is now and never misses the opportunity to experience her healing Reiki power.  I have Reiki when I feel inspired to do so and today I did.  I rose from her table feeling refreshed, energized and amazingly peaceful.  Dee even commented that my energy was very strong and positive today. 

My next session at the fair was with Gail ‘n’ Ron, a couple who used to attend the Prosperous Living meetings that I co-created and co-hosted.  They worked together using light touch, deep breathing, kinesthetic movements and affirmations to put my body in a state of relaxation deeper than I’ve ever known before.  The experience was unusual, in a good way, slightly unsettling but also very grounding and inspiring and amazingly profound.  Gail said that my crown chakra was wide open and flowing with energy.  In the past, when participating in other energy healing practices, I was always told that my crown chakra was closed or partially closed.  In case you are not aware of chakras, the first teachings of these wheel-like energy centers of the body came from Hindu texts and are also prominent in Buddhist practices.  Traditionally, there are seven major chakras, or energy centers, in the body and each one regulates certain bodily, emotional and spiritual functions, each is associated with a particular gland and with a combination of emotions.  When a chakra is blocked or closed, the functions associated with it are also closed off, resulting in physical, psychological and/or spiritual imbalances which may develop into illnesses, diseases and physical pain and discomfort as well as personal crises.  Chakras that are out of balance or blocked can be opened up using color therapies (each chakra is associated with a particular color that stimulates it), meditation, sound therapies, yoga, EFT, guided visualization, aromatherapy, affirmations, positive thinking - in other words, by practicing what also activates the Law of Attraction!  The crown chakra, my problem spot, is located at the top of your head and is associated with your brain, pineal gland and nervous systems, as well as the emotional states of peace, self-awareness, clarity and divine acceptance.  A closed crown chakra can result in depression, fear, hopelessness, confusion, apathy and spiritual weaknesses.  The crown chakra is the mother of all chakras and an open, vibrating crown chakra indicates that all the other chakras are in relatively good shape and that the person is on or is discovering his/her spiritual path.  Learning that my crown chakra is open and vibrating with energy confirmed that I am on the right path for me.  I felt energized, inspired and drained.  I know, it seems impossible to feel energized and drained at the same time, but that is exactly how I felt.  My spirit was soaring, but my body was saying it needed to rest and assimilate all the energy work it experienced at the fair.  Although I’d plan to remain at the fair longer, going home and taking a nap seemed like the best action to take. 

I spent the rest of my day allowing my body and spirit to speak to me.  Although I had a long list of tasks to complete this weekend, I chose instead to spend the evening at Wild Iris Books with my man.  I had a healthy, delicious meal at Café Colette in Wild Iris and then spent a couple of hours reading, writing and perusing the books for sale.  The energies in the café and the bookstore are healing and inspirational for me so I go there often to re-charge and to access my creativity.  My to-do list is undone, but the vibration of my crown chakra is off the charts!

Today I followed intuition and spiritual guidance and created a day that was healing and energizing.  We cannot always choose to do exactly what we want to do when we want to do it.  Life is too complicated.  We have many demands on our time, many responsibilities.  But, each of us needs a day like I experienced.  A time to nurture yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally. 

4/20/12 Focus On Purpose

I mentioned before that we are always manifesting, whether we do it on purpose or unintentionally.  Without our awareness, we may attract negative events into our lives or we may experience the negative events that others close to us have attracted.  And, I also said that I believe purposeful manifesting only works when we are on our path to our true purpose in life.  You may learn otherwise from books and DVD’s, but that is my belief.  We are here for a purpose and I believe focused and conscious manifesting is the way we discover and activate our purpose.  I see it as the action that leads us to our higher selves.  That does not mean less-than-grand desires or perhaps even shallow wishes, like jewelry or a car or a vacation, cannot be manifested.  As we move along our path, we should have some fun, too.  But, for me, the true basis of successful implementation of the Law of Attraction should be rooted in a desire to discover what we are meant to do, who we are meant to be, what legacy we will leave. 

From the birth of Manifesting Mount Dora, I believed that living in Mount Dora is a step in my journey to self-discovery.  But, rather than focusing only on the place I want to live, I want to also explore my path and my purpose.  I’ve decided to devote at least part of my writing to books I am reading and studying about self-awareness and the discovery of purpose.  I hope I can share what I am learning and help someone else who is on a  journey of self-discovery. 

Right now I am reading “Find Your Purpose, Change Your Life - Getting to the Heart of Your Life’s Mission” by Carol Adrienne.  As you may recall, the first step in my discovery of the Law of Attraction began with reading the “Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.  That led to my reading a book he co-authored with Carol Adrienne titled “The Purpose of Your Life Finding Your Place in the World Using Synchronicity,  Intuition, and Common Sense”.  That book was life-changing for me, so I decided to start this next chapter of my adventure with another of her books. 

“Find Your Purpose” is more of a workbook than a book, allowing the reader to immediately begin self-exploration through writing and other activities to help awaken and identify your true purpose in life.  I have reached Chapter 4 and am already impressed with the depth and intensity of the activities she suggests.  This book is for those who are serious, really serious, about moving forward on their paths. 

The first section is “Starting Where You Are” and the title alone is a meaningful message.  We are always waiting for something to change in our lives before we can change or even move in the direction of change.  We need to be older, or healthier, or married, or free from marriage, or wealthier, or less tied down by family.  We need to have less work or more supportive family or friends.  Tomorrow when things are better and life is calmer and I am healthier and the kids are older and. . .  Always tomorrow.  And, as they say, tomorrow never comes. 

Through a series of questions, the author helps to guide your mind to identifying what you like, what is important to you and what you want.  We tend to think that our likes are trivial and have nothing to do with a greater purpose in life, but if you make a list of what you enjoy doing, what interests you and what brings you happiness, you will see a pattern that is the first step to finding your purpose.  The author says, “. . .anything that catches our interest is part of our life purpose.” 

Perhaps you are so involved with the needs and wants of others, especially if you are raising a family, you have lost touch with what you want and like.  In that case, think back to your childhood - what were your favorite games, what did you like to read, what was your favorite class in school, did you have hobbies, who were your friends, did you have pets, what was your favorite TV show or movie?  Answers to those questions will help you get in touch with the authentic you that existed before you forgot “you”. 

As part of starting where you are, Ms. Adrienne encourages gratitude for where you are, what you have and who you are now.  I wrote before about the importance and the power of gratitude and she confirms that.  You will not and cannot move forward without a sense of gratefulness for NOW.  Now may not represent what you want or who you truly are, but it is your reality at this time and you did help to create it, so be grateful, if not for the situation, at least for the lessons learned.  Look for gratitude and you will find it, even in the most dire of experiences. 

“When you procrastinate, especially when you know what the next stop should be, you drain your energy.”  Thank you, Ms. Adrienne, for covering one of my weaknesses - procrastination.  Most of my life I was almost compulsive in my dedication in getting things done on time and to completion.  Somewhere in the midst of my unhappy marriage and clinical depression, I lost that sense of purpose and responsibility and often put off important tasks that needed immediate attention.  Once I began procrastinating, I could not seem to stop, even though putting off my obligations created anxiety and just made me feel worse.  Procrastination drained my energy! The less energy I had, the less I wanted to do and the more I procrastinated.  Quickly the smallest tasks, when ignored, grow into very large problems.  Once I got back on track and started attending to what needed to be done, my energy increased and I was able to do more.  I felt better and when you feel better, you are more in alignment with the Law of Attraction. 

In only recent years have I felt a sense of intuition.  Perhaps when I was much younger, I worked from a place of intuition without realizing it, but I know, for a fact, as I aged whatever connection I had with intuition was lost.  My actions were dictated by the needs and desires of others and my need and desire to please others.  I’ve struggled to get in touch with those gut feelings that push us along on our paths.  One practice the author suggests is to “walk a living prayer. . start each day by asking ‘What do I do first?’” I like the idea, but find it hard to put into practice.  Most of what we do is because we have to do it, but certainly we can find many daily activities that could be influenced by intuition and by “walking in living prayer”.  Definitely an interesting concept to work on this weekend.

4/17/12 Each Day Is A New Beginning

It is early evening and I am home from work, feeling sluggish and stuck.  My day was fine - work went well, I accomplished all and a little more than I had planned and I encountered no unusual roadblocks or problems.  My health is the same as always.  Today, I experienced nothing particularly bad or depressing or discouraging and yet I feel heavy and slightly annoyed and a little sad and I am not sure why. 

Our feelings do not always make sense.  This “down” feeling I have right now may have nothing to do with my day or my week.  Perhaps it is leftover from a disturbing or sad dream I had last night and cannot recall.  Maybe my body chemistry is off in some way I cannot ascertain.  Perhaps my planets are out of alignment or maybe this is an emotionally challenging time of my astrological year.  Maybe my moodiness is the result of a buildup of issues and concerns and today is the day I feel the weight of them, even without being consciously aware of the load of unresolved matters that I carry every day.

No matter how positive we try to be, we all have “stuff” that we carry around -  unresolved problems, other people’s negativity, concerns about the future.  We manage to stay basically happy by not dwelling on problems we either cannot change or cannot change now and by not absorbing or responding to the negativity of those around us.  And, that works most days.  Today it is not working for me - for whatever reason.  I am not consciously dwelling on any problems, but I feel as though I am weighed down with concerns.  I’ve tried unsuccessfully to lighten up today, so I am deciding to just let go of trying to “fix” my feelings.  I am just going to accept that I feel this way and that it will not last.  Tomorrow is another day.

Remembering that each day is a new beginning is one of the most positive thoughts you can have when today is a disappointment or you just don’t feel up to par.  My responsibilities may be the same tomorrow as they are today, perhaps the problems I have today will carry forward to tomorrow, and tomorrow I will likely deal with all or many of the same people that I deal with every day, but tomorrow I will be different.  My chemistry will be better, my planets will be in alignment, my dreams the night before will have been pleasant.  Tomorrow I will have a new beginning and the day may not seem that much different than today, but I will feel different. 

When I was clinically depressed in the past, the one thing I knew for sure was that tomorrow would not be different, unless it was worse.  I knew that I would not feel different, unless I felt worse.  New beginnings did not exist for me.  Life was just a long series of disappointing, sad and annoying moments strung together.  Now, I know that a down feeling is temporary.  I know a not-so-stellar day is just that - one day.  This day will come to a close and tomorrow I know, without a doubt, I will have a new beginning because each day is just that - a new beginning.  Today I am not at my best for manifesting Mount Dora or anything else, but tomorrow I will be.  Sometimes we have to be gentle and understanding with ourselves.  I accept that I am a little down for unknown reasons and my attempts to feel better did not work.  I will not beat myself up over it.  I will allow myself to just “be” as I am right now.  I will rest and know that tomorrow is a new beginning.