I Want What I Want When I Want It!

One of the biggest disappointments in life is - well, disappointment. Disappointment is not being happy with a result. To be disappointed one must have expectations. Expectations come from a sense of desire or control. We want something and we do what we can, if anything, to control the process so we obtain our desired outcome. Sometimes we are successful, but often, not. A vacation is ruined because the weather was rainy. Someone else, perhaps undeservedly, got the promotion you wanted. The store sold out of the dress that was perfect for your birthday party. In spite of hours of hard work, your boss did not like your project presentation. Regardless of your constant encouragement, your son does not want to play baseball.


I have been called, with good reason, a control-freak. I am better than I once was, but I still have issues with letting go of control. Trying to always be in control is a sure way to experience disappointment. First, we cannot control everything or, really, very much. Second, we tend to try and control others and that is just plain impossible.


I used to work ridiculously long hours, rarely taking a vacation or days off. I felt like my work life was out of control, but actually I had a great deal of control at work and that was causing me to lose control in other areas of my life. Because I felt like I had little control at home, in spite of Herculean efforts otherwise, I spent more time at work where I had more control. The more I worked, the less control I had elsewhere. A vicious cycle and a life out of balance.


Since I rarely took time off, when I did, I wanted my plans to go exactly as I hoped. Inevitably they did not, which I took as a personal slap in the face from God or The Universe or whomever. If I worked 60 hours a week, the weather should cooperate on my one weekend off, right? And, when it didn't, I was not only disappointed, I was angry, sullen, depressed and inconsolable. How dare life do this to me? I work hard. I deserve my few breaks to be perfect, don't I?


I chose, on some level, to live an unbalanced life. I was not respecting myself, others in my life or all aspects of my life - home, relationships, work, spirit, recreation, etc. - so why would l expect life or The Universe or God to respect me? I honestly thought the weather should conform to my expectations and yet most days I was so busy working or I was so tired, I did not appreciate or even notice the weather.


Expectations, whether reasonable or not, set us up for disappointment. We all experience disappointment, even those of us who are not control-freaks. If disappointment comes your way, you can either go with the flow adjusting your sails to the new wind direction or you can fight against the wind - an effort that will exhaust you but probably not change anything - or you can just give up and be angry, depressed and sullen. Allowing that we all face disappointment because we are human and we want what we want, the only way to survive disappointment unscarred is to adjust your sails and allow the new wind to direct you to some place unexpected. You may have wanted to arrive in Hawaii, but ended up in Seattle - so, enjoy Seattle! You may have wanted the big promotion, but after being overlooked again, you moved on to a new and better position with a different employer. You may have had your eye set on the burgundy living room furniture, but won't the green do just as well, if not better?


My grandkids have reached the age of disappointment. Children until the age of 3 or 4 live in the moment. Their desires are short-lived, easily forgotten. Their memories are short. Disappointment is not a big part of their lives. My grandson is now 5 and he is starting to have desires and remembers what was promised and never delivered. He wanted to go to Dinosaur World and without much consideration I agreed to take him there this summer. As the heat and humidity descended on Florida, I had second thoughts of spending hours walking around an amusement park of fake dinosaurs with two small children, all of us grumpy from heat exhaustion. I suggested a different trip, one that would provide us with a cooler experience. Still living in the moment much of the time, he jumped at my suggestion and off we all went. We had a fabulous time, but days later he started thinking about Dinosaur World and became petulant that we had not gone there, in spite of the great time he had on our alternate vacation. I assured him we will go in the fall, but still he was disappointed. Life was easier for the adults in my household when his memory was shorter and his expectations nonexistent. Now he, and to some extent his younger sister, are beginning to have wants that they remember and when we, or life, do not deliver as requested, disappointment and sometimes tears are the result. They have a long and tear-filled process ahead to learn to let go of expectations and disappointments.


How like small children I am! I want what I want when I want it and I deserve it! But as an adult, I need to realize that what I want may not be best for me at all or at least at this time, like Dinosaur World in the summer. And, as disappointing as that realization is, there is a flip side that is exciting and encouraging. Sometimes what I get is better than what I wanted. Sometimes not getting what I wanted is a blessing. Sometimes I may desire something and it seems impossible to obtain (I have no control) but what I want is for my own good or the good of others in my life, so the obstacles seem to miraculously dissolve. That is manifesting - getting into alignment so your desires are good for you or for others.


I want to Manifest Mount Dora. I am not sitting here idly. I am working on myself and my manifestation through visualization, writing, gratitude and any other life-affirming action I can take. But, I have, with great effort, let go of the hows and whens of the process and although I have a vision of what I want to manifest, I am open to adjusting my sails to a change in wind. If I can continue with this semi-detached attitude, I can avoid disappointment if my vision does not become a reality or if it manifests in a different way or at a different time than what I hope for. And, yet, I want what I want and I still hope to obtain it, but I know, because I am learning and evolving as I skip along this path of Manifesting Mount Dora, the end result of the journey cannot possibly be a disappointment.

7/23/12 Thinking Magically

“And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”   Meister Eckhart

I was thinking a lot about new beginnings recently when I came across this quote.  Seems like many people around me are undergoing major life changes - separations and divorces, moves, unexpected pregnancies, lost jobs, businesses closing, family upheavals, deaths of loved ones.  Many of these changes appear to be negative, bringing pain, confusion, sadness, stress, self-doubt, anger, disillusionment, and disappointment.  Yet, all these changes have the potential to become positive, life-affirming and inspirational.  Most of the negativity that surrounds change stems from fear and when we fear change we cannot view it as something magical.

Fear is normal and healthy, in the correct situation and with the right amount of restraint.
Fear is a warning that an action, situation, desire, or even a thought could produce danger and requires further consideration, or in already dangerous conditions, fear warns us that immediate action is required.  Fear has its place but being in fear should not be anyone’s daily state.

If you are in a situation that is truly dangerous, such as an abusive relationship, try your best to find a way out - ask for help, go to the authorities, search for a way to remove yourself from the dangerous circumstance.  If you are in a dangerous place, such as a crime-ridden neighborhood, you may not be able to leave right now, but you can take many steps to keep yourself as safe as possible and perhaps work toward moving somewhere less dangerous in the future.

But, the fear that surrounds endings and new beginnings is a different type of fear.  Sometimes we just overreact to situations.  We worry incessantly about something that we cannot change or that we cannot even predict.  That form of fear is irrational and extremely unhealthy, often leading to a myriad of illnesses.   Being cautious when dealing with changes, even obviously happy ones, is commendable, but being actually fearful, when you have no identifiable and rational reason for the fear, is not.  Fear holds us back, keeps us stuck, halts our growth and progression, blocks prosperity.

I know a great deal about fear.  I spent most of my adult life fearing change.  I did not look or seem fearful and no one would have described me that way, but fear was my constant companion.  Even recognizably good changes created pangs of fear deep in my core.  Due to fear, I held back, lived small and too cautiously, and watched life pass me by.  Fortunately, I believe I am past that now.  Changes can still cause that catch in my throat, the one that happens just before you muffle a cry, or keep me awake until I hear the morning newspaper delivered at 4 AM, but, it feels more like worry and less like fear.  Worry is not much better than fear, but I find I can control worry more easily than fear.  Fear tends to paralyze me, even when I know what I should do or least when I know I should be doing something, but worry just consumes and annoys me for awhile and disrupts my balance and then usually I can brush it aside and move on.

The people I know going through all those changes have experienced some fear and worry, plus many of those other emotions I named, but they are moving forward, taking positive steps and looking for ways to resolve or accept their situations.  Some dealt with the negative emotions more quickly and more efficiently than the others.  Those who muddled through at a slower rate had bigger lessons to learn, I believe.

The real challenge is knowing “it’s time to start something new” and trusting in the “magic of beginnings”.  I know I tend to concentrate on the ending, rather than the beginning.  A marriage is ending, but a new phase of life is beginning.  A job has ended, but the possibility of a new, better job is beginning.  Focusing on the new beginning can make the ending easier to assimilate.  I know, all that positive thinking stuff is hard to wrap your head around when you are worried about where you will live, how you will pay your bills, and all the many other concerns that come along with changes, especially unexpected, and perhaps unwelcome, changes.  If someone says, “Think positive” you probably want to positively punch them in the gut.

“Think positive” has become trite and annoying.  Perhaps “think magical” is better and more genuine.  I mean, truly, when you are faced with what seems to be a horrible, uninvited, undesired change, thinking positive either seems hopeless or wimpy.  But, “thinking magical” is, well, magical.  We cannot really predict what sort of action or occurrence might happen that could be called magical.  We don’t know how to make magic happen, so we have to let go and let God or The Universe or Source or whomever or whatever take over.  We have to BELIEVE that somehow, someway everything will work out well for all those involved and that in the process we will learn the lessons we need to absorb to move forward in our spiritual progression.

Why is Disney World/Land so popular?  Because it is magical.  You leave your cares and concerns at the gate and enter a place where imagination and magic rule.  I have no idea how all those fun and fantastic Disney experiences are produced, but I don’t need to know nor do I want to know.  If I knew, that wonderful feeling of magic would evaporate like snowflakes on a sunny day.  Sometimes believing in and relying on magic is just what we need.

Of course, we don’t live in Disney World, so walking around we our heads in the clouds thinking that all of our problems will magically go away is not advisable.  We can think magically, meaning that we leave our minds open for unexplained and seemingly magical resolutions to our problems, but we also need to be ready to act when some magic comes our way.  Magic may bring an unbelievable job opportunity to your doorstep, but magic will not give you that much needed job if you do not make the effort to obtain it.  Magic may arrange for you to meet the man/woman of your dreams in the most unlikely of places, but magic cannot create the relationship if you don’t open your mouth and have a conversation.  Thinking magically does not mean thinking stupidly or thinking passively - it means thinking creatively and passionately - being open to new and different ideas, solutions, suggestions and experiences.

My grandchildren think magically every day.  Some of their imaginings are the nonsense of childhood, but some are the thoughts of innocent minds that have not been bullied, beaten down, disappointed and disillusioned - the thoughts that say, “Why not?” or “I believe I can.” or “Who says I can’t?”  They believe in angels, super heroes, fairy princesses and princes and all the wonderful things that go along with those characters.  They believe that good prevails over evil and that there is always a happy ending.  Naive and simple, yes.  But, to me, their innocent beliefs are also inspiring.  Evil may win a lot, happy endings are not promised and fairy-tale characters almost never come to our aid or befriend us, but does it hurt to think that some of those things may happen?  I believe that each of us deserves and receives magic in our lives every day. When we stop believing in that magic, when we stop looking for it and welcoming it, when we stop being grateful for our daily dose of magic, we lose touch with what is the most special and spiritual part of existence. And, then we lose touch with our humanity.


I want to look at life magically.  I want to think magically.  Maybe I am being naive, but maybe I am just being hopeful - hopeful that something I cannot reason my way through, something that causes fear in the pit of my stomach, something that changes my life in ways I cannot immediately accept can magically turn into good.  I want to proactively think magically, too.  I want to believe that magic can create something wonderful in my life.  Manifesting Mount Dora is definitely magically thinking and I am alright with that. I choose to think magically and manifest magically and that is how my home in Mount Dora will be magically created.   

7/19/12 The Importance of Fun

As adults we often forget how important having fun is.  We get busy, we get serious, we get tied down, we get important, we get needed and suddenly there’s no time for fun.  Fun looks frivolous and seems a waste of precious hours that could be spent on making money, going to school, or just doing something inane that fools us into thinking we are chillin’.  Our lives revolve around schedules and fun is rarely scheduled, but maybe it should be.

Perhaps some of you are the lucky ones who learned about balance during your childhood.  Maybe you grew up in a well-balanced family that made time for fun as well as work.  Or maybe your family life was all screwed up, but you figured out how to create balance yourself or you learned it from someone else while you were still young.  I was a late bloomer when it came to balance and to appreciating fun.

Most of my childhood was spent without a mom at home and with a dad who was a far cry from Fred MacMurray.  After the age of seven, when my oldest sister was no longer living at home, I was expected to grow up FAST.  I had many household responsibilities and mistakes were not tolerated.   My father worked six days a week at his business and he was not very tolerant of anyone slacking off, including me.  He rarely took time off.  The few vacations we took were to visit relatives - more like obligations than real vacations.  Obviously, I did not learn balance at home.  But, in spite of having more obligations than a typical child at the time (and yet certainly fewer than many others), I was still a child and playtime and creating fun were part of my life.  But, I did not see much fun in my father’s life and that is the lesson I learned - fun is fine for kids, but should be very limited for adults.

Once I got married at 21, my allotted time for fun became less and less every year.  My job and housework took up most of my time.  My “free” time was spent reading, which I love, but which is not the kind of fun I am talking about.  The fun of which I speak is DOING something that is out-of-the-ordinary, maybe exciting, the kind of activities that create lifetime memories.  That is the kind of fun I rarely had.  As with my father, most vacations with my husband were to visit relatives.  Sure, those trips could be fun, but they were also usually stressful and brought up old, unresolved family issues that dampened any enjoyment.  Any just-for-the-fun-of-it trips were quick day trips that may have provided a break from the routine and may even have been a little fun, but certainly were not those creating-forever-memory types of activities.  For us, money was always a issue.  When you struggle to pay the bills, you feel guilty if you “waste” money on fun or vacations or any kind of loving self-care.


At most of my jobs I worked more than 40 hours a week and often as many as 60 hours a week.  Add my commute times, which, depending on where we lived, ranged from 30 minutes to 90 minutes, and my work days were very long.  Besides the issue of available funds for recreation, I was just too darn tired to even think about planning something fun.  And that is how I felt without children!!  I look at my daughter raising two kids and I worry that she too will lose touch with having fun, but, fortunately, she is more balanced than I ever was at her age. 

It was not until I started my “new life” eight years ago that I began to learn about the importance of fun as an adult.  The new man in my life relished leisure time and made a point of planning fun activities.  He taught me to slow down.  By the time he entered my life, I was very deeply exhausted, physically and spiritually.  Being retired, he took care of the house, my pets and me.  I was still working, and sometimes long hours, but at least the work did not continue when I got home.  I felt guilty coming home to a cooked meal, an orderly house and clean clothes, with nothing to do but relax, but I adjusted and welcomed the much need rest he was providing for me.  Money was still a huge issue for the first few years we were together, but being a master of balance, he taught me how to find inexpensive ways to have fun.  And, once I was rested after years of being overextended, I felt more like getting out and doing activities that were fun, different and stimulating. 

Now, I schedule fun.  I check the newspaper for activities in my city.  We go to plays, movies, concerts, book-signings, art galleries, classes, festivals.  We go for walks and out to dinner and meet friends for coffee.  We entertain in our home.  Although money is less restricted, we still find many things to do that are free or inexpensive.   Most importantly, we get the heck out of town several times a year.  A change of scenery can do so much to give me a fresh perspective and a lift in my mood.  Of course, now we go to Mount Dora several times a year and that is fabulous, but we also go to New Jersey/New York City every year and have spent time in St. Augustine, Myrtle Beach and South Florida.  This fall I am going on a two-day women’s beach retreat that will be an entirely different experience.

I also schedule little trips with my daughter and grandchildren.  This past weekend we went to Tavares, Mount Dora and Deland.  We took seaplane rides, went to a splash park and a playground, took a nature walk and watched the sunset over Lake Dora, ate out at restaurants and visited relatives.  The weekend was full of activities and I did a lot of driving, but we made some wonderful memories and came home refreshed and revived.

Being over-worked, burned-out, tired, bored, and un-stimulated builds blocks - really big, unsurmountable walls - that will not allow prosperity to enter.  By disallowing fun, I was also pushing away prosperity.  Stress, like really thick mud, prevented me from moving forward toward my goals and my desires or, really, from even making goals and having desires.

My man has a saying “nothing ever happens at home” by which he means nothing NEW ever happens at home.  If we stay home, walled-in with our busyness and fatigue, nothing new, and especially nothing new AND good, will ever happen.  Stagnation is a slow death. The TV and computer games are not real life.  We must get out, we must experience fun in any way we can.  Maybe money is an issue, but there are free activities everywhere.  Or, maybe you live in a remote area far from all those fun activities.  So, find something fun to do where you are - perhaps gardening, or some other hobby, or just hanging out with friends.  Take a walk or a drive or a bike ride or a swim.  Play a game or a sport.  GET OUT.  DO SOMETHING.  Make it your mission to find something fun and different to do.  Search for fun.  Search for other people who want to have fun.  Find a way to add some variety to the hours in your life.  Open windows, open doors, open you mind and your heart.  Volunteer and discover a new world.  You may be tired, but laying around the house will only make you more tired.  Doing something that stimulates your mind and gets your body in motion will actually give you energy and allow you to move beyond your walls.  

Prosperity or whatever you want to manifest will not knock down your door and drag you outside so you can experience it.  You have to make the effort and you need to do so with light-heartedness, not as though you are hunting down and killing a critter to find your starving family.  Finding a way to have fun just may be your first step toward your dreams.  I know its working for me.

7/13/12 Why Not Now?

A friend asked me, “If you want to live in Mount Dora so much, why don’t you just start looking for a job in that area or look for clients and move your business down there  NOW?” Good, logical question. 

From the start of this Manifesting Mount Dora project I knew that my intention was more than just living in Mount Dora - it was living in Mount Dora in a certain fashion, which for me means being retired or semi-retired or a least not HAVING to work every day.  I want Mount Dora AND freedom from the regular work world as I know it now.  I am relatively happy with my life as it exists at this moment.  I have my own business and make enough to pay the bills and have a little fun.  I enjoy my work, but would not mind moving on to something more creative.  I like my neighborhood and my city.  I am comfortable and happy, but I want to move forward and embrace different experiences in a new stage of life.  I guess if I were miserable in my current situation, doing everything I could to move to Mount Dora would make sense, but that is not the case.  My life has been a long string of compromises.  I have often put my needs and wants aside for everyone else’s.  This time I am focusing more on what I want and, much to my amazement, I know what that is!

I was able to manifest many changes in the past eight years, but most of those came in spite of my not knowing what I wanted or how to get it.  I just put one foot in front of the other, listened to some inner whisperings and was amazed when I was able to create a new life.  Now I know what I want and I believe that what I want is the right path for me.  This whole Mount Dora project is to see if I can rely on the Law of Attraction to manifest what I want or something better.  Most people who want to move can take steps to look for work in a new place, research places to rent or buy and make their relocation happen, and their subsequent life change may or may not be the best thing for them.  It is amazing what we can force to happen when we choose to.  I am choosing not to force anything.  I want to create and to manifest in union with The Universe.  I am open to changes in my plan that will be beneficial to me and I am open to learning that this whole idea might not be best for me.  In the meanwhile, I am learning and growing from the experience and I believe, without a doubt, that the end result will what is best for me.  Of course, at this point, I hope the end result is a home in Mount Dora and a life situation that will not require me to work or not require me to work in a traditional way. 

As I’ve said before, I have no idea how this will unfold, but as before, I am taking one step at a time and listening to my inner messages.  For most of my life, I either did not believe in intuition or inner voices or I was so far off my path I would not have heard or recognized an inner voice that was screaming at me like an angry baboon.  I recently was reading about following your inner nudges and remembered a few times in recent years when I did just that. 

One of those times was when I left my husband and moved from our home in the country to town.  I had a deep intuition that I needed to get out of that situation as soon as possible.  To make that happen, I listened to another inner message that told me who to contact to find a place to live.  After moving, people who love and care about me  encouraged me to file for divorce as soon as possible, forcing my husband to sell our home and share the proceeds with me or pay me my equity in the house so he could retain ownership.  Although I desperately could have used the money, I just could not bring myself to do that.  He did not have the funds to pay out my share of the equity, so the only option was to force him to sell and no matter how morally and legally fair that was, it just did not feel right to me.  I knew our split was hard on him emotionally and financially, I knew that I had made many mistakes that were causing him problems, I knew that he was facing several operations in the not too distant future, and I just could not in good conscience take steps that would force him out of his home - our home.  My inner whisperings said, “Don’t do it.  Wait.”  Family members and friends were upset and frustrated with me because I refused to move forward with a divorce.  I was lectured continually and yet I chose to follow that little voice that said to wait.  As fate would have it, my husband underwent his first of several scheduled operations a little more than two years after we separated and within a few weeks he suffered a blood clot and died.  Now I have no satisfaction in his passing and certainly could not have foreseen that happening, but because I did not divorce him before his untimely death, the house became mine and I was able to sell it and was left with a little equity from the sale.  As a widow, I was able to continue my health insurance, which was through his employer, and I even receive a small pension each month that is not much, but enough to cover the cost of my survivor’s insurance.  Had I listened to people rather than that internal whisper, I would be much worse off right now. 

It was that inner voice that spoke to me the week after Christmas last year when my man and I were in Mount Dora.  We had just walked all around the town enjoying the incredible holiday light displays and were standing in the park on the shore of Lake Dora looking out on the dark lake that was dancing with the reflections of all the many colorful lights in the park and a nearby marina.  The air was crisp.  I felt so alive and happy after our walk.  The lake was peaceful and we stood quietly.  It was during those moments of silence that I heard a little murmuring deep inside.  First, it sounded or felt like the mewing of a contented cat and then that internal vibration increased and I realized the unheard words were telling me that Mount Dora was where I belong.  That softly communicated idea was startling to me.  I’d never thought of living in Mount Dora, but why hadn’t I?  I love it there - we love it there.  It was the prefect home for us!  The more I toyed with the idea, the clearer it became.  Details emerged and I realized that Mount Dora was only part of the plan - the other part was retirement or semi-retirement or some sort of change in livelihood.  All those pieces fit neatly together to create Manifesting Mount Dora.  

7/8/12 Befriend That Mountain!

Its been a crazy weekend - so much happening at once - and the week was crowded, too, like the mall on a rainy day.  I accomplished much, but little of it was on my list of things to do, and most was a complete surprise. 

I receive weekday inspirational emails from the website www.tut.com, which is also known as Notes from the Universe, created by Mike Dooley, an inspirational writer and speaker.  Each Monday through Friday morning, I look forward to my TUT email.  A recent message was:

Want to move a mountain, Becky?

Befriend it.

Call me,
    The Universe

Like so many of the TUT messages, this one made me think.  So, is the mountain I want to move Mount Dora?  No, I don’t think so.  I don’t want to move Mount Dora, I want to embrace Mount Dora by living there.  So, what mountain do I want to move?  The movement has to be where I am right now.  I need to move the mountain that is my current life so I can move forward to the new life I want to create in Mount Dora.  In my last post I talked about physically cleaning and clearing out to make room for new.  I started that, but did not get as far along on the project as I would have liked when I read what The Universe had to say.  Besides, making space, how can I befriend my mountain?

Recently, I’ve been disheartened every time I looked at my living room.  Almost two years ago I wanted to buy new living room furniture, but when the decision was made for my daughter and grandchildren, then 3 ½ and 1 ½, to live with us, I decided, very wisely, it was bad timing for new furniture.  My old pieces, which were already looking worn, have survived nearly two years of additional abuse from a large family, including two small children, and have not aged well.  The children are old enough now that I feel safe buying some “new” furniture, but have put off doing so because I have my mind focused on my future home in Mount Dora.  This week I decided to take the Universe’s advice and befriend my mountain. 

If I am unsatisfied with my current situation, it needs to change in whatever ways, large or small, that I can handle and that will make my life, here and now, more enjoyable and more comfortable.  If that means a change in furniture, then that is one way I can befriend my mountain.  Figuring that “new” was still a challenge with small kids in residence, I opted for used, but new to me.  With the help of a friend, I found a nice sofa and loveseat on Craig’s List and it now sits proudly in my living room.  Only a year old, a year spent with a young couple with no kids and no yen for partying, the set looks new.  My daughter’s brother will replace the glass tops of our current coffee table and two end tables with black marble pieces from his workshop and then we will paint the bases a silvery gray - a nice change from the current tan and gold bases.  A few rearrangements will be made of the existing furniture as I move out a tall wooden shelving unit and decide what to do with another smaller loveseat that does not match the new pieces very well.  I already feel better about our home. 

The Law of Attraction says that it is imperative to live with appreciation in the present even while manifesting the future.  That is a hard concept to understand and to live.  We are usually wanting to manifest something new because we are dissatisfied with what we presently have.  So, how can we befriend what we have, which means to embrace and enjoy it and be grateful for it, when we really want something else?  Tricky, very tricky.  It means identifying what is working, or at least what is not too bad, in our current situation and concentrating on that, trying to make it even better.  It means looking for ways, even little ways, to improve what exists now so we can have a sense of satisfaction and, hopefully, pleasure in the present.  Most of all, it means realizing that our contentment mostly comes from within - from using our abilities to make the best out of any situation.  Sitting and waiting for something in the future is a complete waste of time and totally neglectful of what we have now.  Can The Universe or God trust us with a futuristic something-better if we cannot take care of and make the best of what is our present maybe-not-perfect reality? 

So, my goal is to “HTV” my home.  A little almost-new, some presto-change-o, a bit of re-purposing and a tad of re-arranging and I can make a living space that was looking tired and worn, fresh and inviting.  Yes, ma’am, I can befriend this mountain!  And, by befriending this mountain, I am embracing what is the gift of now.  I am also helping others.  A curb alert led to a young, financially-challenged young man picking up my old furniture as well as a couple of other items I was giving away.  Life is a cycle and moving forward really means moving forward in a circle, not linearly.  I love the thought that what I released has a new home with someone who is appreciating what manifested in his now, even if that something was a little worn.  Perhaps he is befriending his mountain, just as I am.

7/03/12 Living On Standby

I am watching “America’s Got Talent” - not by choice, but because I was resting in the living room while someone else was watching it.  Talent reality shows are a little bit of fun during the first couple of weeks of auditions just because there are some crazily bad performances and a very few amazingly good performances.  After those first few weeks I lose interest because I don’t agree with the decisions of the judges or of “America” and because I usually have something I would rather do.  But, tonight I was struck by the judges decision to review previous performances and then allow some to go through to the next stage of performances, eliminate some entirely and hold others as “standbys”.  The standbys will compete for the “open” positions to move forward in the competition.

Sometimes I feel like I am on standby just like those talent show reality performers.  I am ready to move forward, but for some reason I am being held as a standby.  I am waiting to perform so I can move forward to the next level of competition.  In life, however, I cannot blame the judges.  I am in standby position because I chose not to do what I need to do to move forward with my manifestation and my life. 

I sit here in July, three months and ten days, since I began this Manifesting Mount Dora project.  I am blogging, visualizing, adding to my vison board closet door, keeping a gratitude journal, reading inspiring books, saying affirmations, and visiting Mount Dora and I just don’t feel a sense of movement.  Yes, I know three months and ten days is really not that long, but I want a feeling of forward motion.  So, what can I do to break this feeling of being stuck in the doldrums of summer?

One of the basics of the Law of Attraction is that you have to make room for the new.  Even if the desire of your manifestation has nothing to do with material items, you need to clean out and clear out your life - figuratively and physically.  I look back to the summer of 2004, right before the ending of my “previous life” and the beginning of my present life, and I realize I did a lot of cleaning out, even without realizing what I was doing and how it would affect my future.  Instinctively I knew I needed change, I needed different - anything different.  I was renovating the house I would not live in much longer; I faced the horrible side affects of the depression medication I was on and made a choice to ease off of it (Please know that I am not recommending that anyone stop taking their medications! I eased myself off my medication with the help of a doctor.); I faced many, many problems that were uncontrolled and took steps to figure out how to take charge of and solve them.

So, what can I do now to increase my forward motion?

There are certain unfinished jobs - personal and professional - that I have been avoiding for various reasons and I know now that I must set aside my procrastination and take care of those tasks as soon as possible.  My house is filled to overflowing - partially due to so many people living here and partially due to my reluctance to go through and eliminate what I no longer need or use.  I may not be able to do much about  the overflow due to our large household, but I can do something about my own belongings.

Over the past weekend I made modest progress with my home office space and I tackled and accomplished a work-related task that I have been refusing to face.  Tomorrow is a holiday - the 4th of July - and I plan to use that time to engross myself in another work-related issue that has been hanging over my head for a long while.  Over the upcoming weekend I will clean out my books - and, believe me, I have LOTS of books - and all those little odds and ends of knick-knacks that fill my shelves and tables.  Having some of those trinkets honors memories, but too many are over-kill and I have reached the over-kill stage.  Simplifying is difficult, but necessary, to show the Universe that you are willing and ready to make room for the future.   

I also feel a need to move forward with my writing.  This blog takes more time than I anticipated, but it also excites and fulfills me.  I know I need to be doing more writing and am looking for inspiration and found a little kick-in-the-pants from the book “Bird by Bird - Some Instructions on Writing and Life” by Anne Lamott, one of my favorite writers.  There has to be more time for writing and only I can find those extra moments in each day. 

I have a couple of major personal tasks that are waiting for attention and I am resolved to give my to accomplish those before the end of July.  In fact, the end of July is my goal to have at least 75% of my clearing and cleaning done.
 
This is how I plan to make room for forward motion - to tell the Universe that I am in gear and ready to go.