Sickbed Lessons

I’ve been sick for more than a week.  Doctor called it “a virus mimicking the flu” that had spawned a sinus infection.  Never have antibiotics been a problem for me, but this time the side-effects of those pills the size of a child’s thumb were nearly as bad as the “virus mimicking the flu” and, in some ways, worse.  My congestion, sinus affection and cough are better but my digestive tract is a wreck and I am weak and dizzy.  Against the dire warnings on the pill bottle label, I have ceased taking the antibiotics - I will take my chances - and am hoping my biological system with right itself in a day or two.   

I worked only sporadically last week and am feeling my stress level climb as I think about the backlog of work that needs to be done before our vacation in less than two weeks.  Today, I am trying, slowly, to accomplish at least a couple of tasks in spite of my depleted state.  My goal is to keep my attention on whatever task is at hand and not obsess about what has been left undone.  

Being sidelined this past week with illness has given me many hours to think.  I thought a great deal about how I/we take our health for granted.  Something as relatively small as a virus can turn daily life upside-down.  I miss feeling well.  I miss having energy.  And, that makes me think about those with more serious, longer-lasting and perhaps even life-threatening illnesses and conditions.  I feel great compassion for anyone who deals with feeling badly every day and great admiration for those who move forward in spite of their physical challenges.  My health needs to be noted in my gratitude journal more often so I won’t take it for granted.  

Yes, my work is languishing, but my clients are still in business.  My illness has caused some inconveniences for a few people, but no one complained and everyone’s life has moved forward with no harm.  Usually what I/we think of as a huge problem is more of a hiccup in life.  I’ve had time to appreciate those who adjust to the bumps in each day, picking up the slack when needed, easing the way for someone like me who may not be at the top of her game for a few days.  

I thought about what makes a normal day successful.  It’s not the big things, not the huge accomplishments, not the over-the-top moments.  A successful day is simply waking up feeling well, having water and electricity to make life easier and food to provide nourishment, having transportation to some sort of work that provides income and a feeling of self-worth and accomplishment, having family and friends to love, having moments of joy filled with laughter, and, finally, sinking into a comfortable, warm bed at night.  My days are successful when my daughter and I have a few moments of conversation and sharing, when my grandchildren hug and kiss me, when my man makes me laugh, when my pets look at me with devotion, when my work is honest and well received.  

So, what does this have to do with Manifesting Mount Dora?  A big part of manifesting something new is appreciating the old - being thankful for what you already have, especially the taken-for-granted everyday blessings.  Getting sick slowed me down and helped me appreciate that my “everydays” are amazing.  I am so grateful to have such a life that I can actually have a project like Manifesting Mount Dora!  For so many, their manifesting project would be to create a life with enough food to never feel hungry, steady work to always have enough money to pay the bills, a safe and comfortable place to live, the love and support of family and friends, and the freedom to pursue education, self-fulfillment and personal dreams.  Our paths are different, but we all want to manifest SOMETHING.  And to move forward on any path, we need to look behind us with appreciation and gratitude and to look forward with appreciation and gratitude because that is what life is about - appreciation and gratitude.  

The Power of The Butterfly

The Butterfly Effect is a chaos theory that a small action can affect larger, more complex systems on the other side of the world.  The idea of the Butterfly Effect is attributed to Edward Norton Lorenz, a mathematician and meteorologist, who applied his theory to weather patterns.  His theory was that  a small, seemingly inconsequential action in one corner of the world, such as the motion of a butterfly's wings, can affect weather in another corner of the world.  His theory has been expanded and applied to many aspects of human life - a small action of one individual grows and flows forward affecting others in its path.  Although Lorenz’s theory as applied to weather has never been proved, we time and again see the proof of the Butterfly Effect as applied to our actions.  Of course, we know that our personal actions and decisions usually affect those in our lives - our family members, our friends, our co-workers - but we may not realize that those actions and decisions can affect those whom we don’t know and may never know.  It may happen step-by-step which is easy to understand: I make a decision that affects one person causing them to take a certain action that affects someone else and so on.  But, there is also the greater, more complex, less easy to comprehend theory that what is learned, done, or changed in one place automatically, not step-by-step but through some sort of universal energy or knowledge, makes a change hundreds or thousand of miles away.  Both applications of the Butterfly Effect are fascinating and I’ve had a personal experience with the Butterfly Effect through this blog.

I started the Manifesting Mount Dora blog to keep myself focused on my desire to manifest a new home and new life in Mount Dora, Florida.  I knew this endeavor would be a learning experience and I wanted a record of my journey and what I learned along the way.  By sharing the blog, I thought it would be interesting to see if anyone else was interested in or inspired by my life experiment.  I thought a few of my friends might read my blog now and again, but I did not expect more attention than that, which was fine since I was writing it for myself.  As the weeks passed, I was amazed to read my blog statistics and discover that people from all over the world were reading it.  I could guess who some of those people in other countries were since I have many Facebook friends around the world, but I have no connections in some of the other countries in my blog stats.  It amazes me that people a world away are interested in this more-than-middle-aged woman in Florida who is using the Law of Attraction to create a new life.  I wonder who these people are, what their lives are like, why they are interested in my blog.  Almost all the comments generated by my blog have been from friends, so I don’t even know what the unknown people think of my musings.  Are they inspired, amused, surprised, shocked, entertained or just curious?  Are my posts affecting their lives in any way?

We have seen how thoughts, ideas, and even revolutions go viral online, affecting how we live, the choices we make, the chances we take, the way we dream.  Our world is truly getting smaller which can be inspiring or frightening.  A relatively unknown person in the U.S. makes a movie about Muhammad that is deemed to be insulting to Islam and people riot around the world, breaching U.S. embassies and killing innocent people.  A bus monitor is tormented by the children in her care and people around the world donate money so she can take a vacation.  Someone posts that an actor is dead and soon everyone is talking about it and re-posting the story even though it is not true.  An injustice in small town USA is detailed in the online news and petitions are created that hundreds of thousands of people sign to right the wrong.  We are inundated with causes to support or ignore.  We are brought to tears or enraged by stories that ten years ago we would never have known.  We get caught up in the real and the unreal, the truth and the lies.

There is great power in the written word these days - more so than in the past because today words travel so quickly and can do such harm or produce so much good.  We seem to have become more vulnerable, less likely to research what is true and what is not.  We jump on bandwagons, wave the flags of causes and riot in the streets without taking the time to check out the facts, without reflecting on the effects of our actions or pausing to take a breath before passing on that juicy tidbit that may or may not be true.  A decade or so ago our over-reactions and our impetuousness would likely only have caused a limited amount of damage or perhaps none at all.  Now our reckless actions may cause deaths half a world away.  Or, in the case of supporting a worthy cause, we can truly change a condition or someone’s life in an amazingly positive way.

I love that people are reading what I am writing and although I don’t think I am writing anything questionable or dangerous, I hope that my readers realize that this is my experience and my life and what I write does not necessarily represent the lives of anyone else in the United States or in Florida.  I hope they realize I am one woman figuring out what life is about and trying my best to create a life that is amazing for me.  If someone gets inspired or encouraged or comforted by something I write, I am thrilled, but I hope they use that inspiration, encouragement or comfort to figure out their own lives, to define their own possibilities and to reach for their own stars in whatever heavens they may be.

I encourage everyone to walk gently on this earth because we do affect one another, even half a world away, and we should want our effects to be positive, not destructive.  We have no comprehension of the power we wield through the written word online.  Let’s use that power to lift up one another, to encourage those who feel hopeless, to help those who are down, to teach those who want to learn, to feed those who are hungry, to respect those who are different.  Let’s use that power to embrace and to educate.  We are living the Butterfly Effect every day and The Power of The Butterfly is daunting.  Use it wisely, use it with caution.  We can be the change we want to see in the world or we can be the change that ends the world.  It is our choice.

What Does It Mean?

I am at a women's retreat at Santa Rosa Beach in the Florida Panhandle.  I've never been this far west in the state and I have never attended a retreat that was longer than a day.  We arrived yesterday at noon and will leave tomorrow at noon.  There are seven of us here: the retreat facilitator Vickie Spray, our massage therapist Katrine, myself and four other women.  None of us is like the other.  We are different ages and sizes and we brought different life experinces to this place.  What we do have in common is our desire to release our fears and our willingness to share and support one another on this two-day spiritual journey.  I am grateful for this opportunity, for Vickie creating this welcoming and safe group, for the lovely home where we are staying and the two women I've never met who created such a warm and inviting space and who are allowing those they don't know to experience it.  I am grateful for all the other women here who are sharing deeply, allowing dark corners of their lives to rise to the surface so we can all heal together.  I am thankful for the hours of self-care we are experiencing through naps, conversations, massages, walks, the beach, laughter, and good food.

In the spring I attended the Spritual Faire at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship in my town where I met a woman selling hand-made beaded bracelets.  Each one was unique - sizes, colors and types of stones and beads varied.  Some had metal beads with letters or numbers etched on them.  She instructed me to think of a request I have for the Universe and then "listen" for the bracelet that spoke to me.  I purchased one with earthy-colored stones, many shaped like half-moons, and a metal bead with an 8 on it, which the woman said was the symbol of prosperity.  It seemed apropos since my request, unspoken and therefore unknown to the  bracelet creator, was for the financial prosperity I need to create a new home and life in Mount Dora.  She put the bracelet on my wrist and told me to wear it 24/7 until it released itself from me.  When that happens, she said, you will know that you no longer need the bracelet.  In spite of being unsure what that meant, I walked away contented with my pretty, unusual bracelet.  I wore it every moment since, until yesterday.  Shortly after arriving at the beach retreat, I was in the bathroom changing into some cooler clothing when my left wrist hit against a towel rack.  It was not a hard hit, but it obviously was enough for my bracelet to "release itself from me".  I watched sadly as the lovely earthy-hued beads dropped to the floor, bouncing and rolling in all directions.  My pretty bracelet was gone.  What did that mean to me?  Do I believe that the bracelet could fulfill a wish?  Does the loss of it mean my wish has been fulfilled?
 
Physical evidence at this time says that I have not achieved the financial prosperity to, as I like to say, Manifest Mount Dora, but perhaps I am on the road, or it will occur soon or maybe I have learned an important lesson that will lead toward that goal.  I am not sure.  I can't help but feel that the releasing of the bracelet during this retreat weekend has some sort of significance.  I look at my left wrist and it seems bare without my unique bracelet and even replacing it with one of the many other bracelets I own seems inadequate. And, yet, I also have a feeling of acceptance that it was time for the bracelet to be released or to release me.  This may all seem so silly, like childish wishful thinking, but yet it feels very strongly significant to me.  I have no idea if the bracelet had any power or any lessons to teach or if I am just projecting more importance to a piece of jewelry than it could possibly have.  But, I do know that, although I miss it,  I feel a sense of completion without it.  After almost five months of wearing the bracelet, I have no answers;  I have only more questions.  But, if this journey of Manifesting Mount Dora has taught me anything, its that progress is only made when we ask questions.  Questions spur the seeking that creates the journey.  I often looked at my bracelet and considered financial prosperity, what that meant to me and what fears I have surrounding that idea.  Maybe the job of the bracelet was to encourage the questions that lead to the seeking that leads to the answers.  Maybe those questions are what led me to this weekend retreat and maybe that is why the bracelet was released or released me.  

Living Life As It Is

Last week, at this time, my man and I were in Mount Dora.  So was Tropical Storm Isaac.  That seems to be the theme of the summer, we escape for rest and relaxation and are accompanied by a tropical storm.  It happened in May with Tropical Storm Beryl, in June with Debby and last week with Isaac.  Fortunately, we stayed safe and still had a good time and our home and family, who also were in the path of the three storms, suffered no ill effects of the unpredictable weather.  


Being in Mount Dora, as always, was restorative.  Much rest, walks in the rain or between the rains, lots of reading, some writing, naps, visits with people we have come to know in our favorite town and the pleasure of meeting other residents, and many good meals.  Good times can be had even in threatening weather.  We discovered a book store called Barrel of Books and Games where I purchased some gifts for my grandchildren and several books, including a three-book series of novels that take place in Mount Dora called the Fairlawn Series by Angela Hunt.  Last night, having completed a wonderful novel about people and dogs living near Central Park in Manhattan (another of my favorite places) called “The New Yorkers”, I started the first in the Fairlawn series, “Doesn’t She Look Natural?”  I am enjoying the story very much in spite of the slight “Christian” side-theme, which is present but not preachy.  The story is not unusual: husband has mid-life crisis leaving his wife and two sons for their nanny, who is, of course, a fraction of his age.  Mom is left struggling financially, forced to sell their home and move in with her retired mother, searching for a job in Washington, D.C. while hindered by her powerful husband’s influence there, and trying to remain hopeful about the future as she assumes almost full responsibility for raising their two sons.  I have just reached the part when Mount Dora enters the picture.  Mom inherits, from an barely-known great-uncle, a funeral home in Mount Dora and will end up moving her children there to assume management of a business about which she knows nothing.  I am looking forward to seeing how Mount Dora is portrayed in the book - favorably, I am sure, since the book is sold and promoted in the town!  I like the idea of the unknown business challenge and am interested in seeing how mom and boys adjust to their new lives in Mount Dora, so far-removed and so immensely different than their lifestyle and  experiences in the D.C. area.

My Labor Day weekend plans to finish painting the table and chairs I purchased for my grandchildren back in July were pushed aside when my client, who has closed his business but still needs me to work for him until the end of the year, decided that he does not want to keep his office available as a place for me to work and asked me to transfer his bookkeeping records, computer and printer and some office supplies to my house.  Since my house is overflowing with three adults and two children living here full-time and two other family members staying for weeks at a time several times a year, it was a challenge to make room for more stuff.  But, because he was not only a good client but also a friend, I did my best to accommodate his wishes.  More rearranging, more organizing, but I think I made it work.  Waiting now for my computer-expert friend to come by and tweak what I started, but I am confident we can make the situation satisfactory.  

On Thursday, I leave for a women-only retreat called Expanding Past The Fear at an ocean resort in the Florida Panhandle.  I am excited to be part of this event.  Not only will it involve lots of self-care, but we will work through our fears - fears that may be holding us back from who we should be and what we should be doing.  I believe that we are all a work-in-progress and anything we can do to improve who we are and where we are furthers us on our path to prosperity and personal fulfillment.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to be part of this retreat!

Life continues even when you have a manifestation project.  You cannot stop living, nor should you, to concentrate on what you want to create in the future.  I know people who put their current lives on hold to while away the hours dreaming of what they want the future to hold.  Life is about energy and energy is about action.  Action is in the present, the now.  Work must be done, bills paid, food prepared, lawns mowed, clothes washed, children hugged, school lessons learned, floors swept, bodies showered, books read.  Our actions must naturally revolve around what creates and maintains the life we are living right now, but we also should carve out time for what we want to manifest.  Just a little time.  Some meditation, some visualization every day.  Some journaling is good and for me, blogging.  For whatever it is you want to manifest, set aside a little time everyday, even if no more than fifteen minutes, to keep your dream alive and fresh.  Embrace and participate in the life you have now, even if your desire is to create a new, different life.  Appreciate what you have now to energize what you want in the future.

"Who's Got It Better Than Us?"

"Who's got it better than us?" is the quote attributed to Vincent DiMartino, Sr. on a memorial  plaque that adorns a bench in Elizabeth Evans Park in Mount Dora.  Mr. DiMartino is certainly deceased, but I know I would have liked him.  I imagine he was a boisterous, fast-talking Italian man who loved his family, good food and happy gatherings.  He counted his blessings and knew what a fortunate man he was.  His family loved him enough to dedicate a park bench to him, adding his favorite saying to the memorial plaque.  Someone also painted daisy-like flowers on the bench, the only bench of the several in the park that was adorned with a quote and artwork.  I think that speaks to the specialness of Mr. DiMartino, whom, I am sure, would prefer to be called Vincent.  I imagine the innocent-looking flowers were painted by a grandchild who misses Papa Vincent very much.

Perhaps we should all go around saying, "Who's got it better than us?"  I know that was not a saying in my childhood home, but I would like to rewrite the story of my youth so it was.  I know it certainly was not the saying in the home I shared with my husband for 28 years.  In fact, if a park bench was dedicated to him and a quote added to his plaque, it would say, "If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all."  Or, perhaps, "I was born on a Wednesday and you know that Wednesday's child is full of woe."  And so was our house, much of the time.  He expected bad luck and that is what he got, but, sadly, so did I.  My nickname was once Pollyanna after the ever-cheerful and optimistic character played by Hayley Mills in the movie of the same name, but after several years living with Wednesday's Child of Woe, Pollyanna became Sad Sack Sally who believed that "Life sucks and then you die."

Who we spend time with matters.  Maybe we cannot choose the families who raise us, but as adults we can take the lessons from those negative family situations and move forward into our adulthood wiser and happier.  We, as grown-ups, can consciously choose to surround ourselves with those who appreciate, teach, embrace, encourage and inspire us.  We can look for the Vincents and avoid the Wednesday Children of Woe.

We can strive to surround ourselves  with beauty, to fill our minds with inspiration and to wonder, "Who's got it better than us?"  Plant some flowers, hang a piece of art, keep your home clean and organized, pick up trash on the streets, recycle, laugh often, have parties and dinners, dance whenever you can, read wonderful stories and inspirational books, travel as much as possible, meet new people wherever you are, sing with gusto, get out of the house, smile at everyone, help those who have less than you, give hearty hugs, learn something new everyday, embrace diversity, be excited about change, cry when necessary and then stop crying, find something creative to do regularly, teach what you have learned, plan a life that is full to overflowing.  I know Vincent DiMartino, Sr. did and that is why he often exclaimed, "Who's got it better than us?"

An Ending or A Beginning?

One of my clients is closing his office.  Not exactly what he was planning to do this year, but that is what developed due to some changes in his business that caused financial uncertainty.  His professional and personal life was already moving in another direction, but he did not expect to close his office this soon.  At first the unexpected fluctuations of his business income worried him and he became agitated and anxious, but then he realized that his life was moving away from that sort of work anyway so he embraced the unexpected changes and chose to make bold, dramatic moves that propelled him into his next phase of life.

I admire his brave leap into the future and his excitement about the uncertainty that lies ahead.  Change has usually terrified me.  I clung to what was routine, predictable (if anything can be predictable) and safe, or what I thought was safe.  Fortunately, for several years now, I've been moving away from that limited and frightened view of life.  Every ending is a new beginning, but I sometimes forget or ignore that.  I think most of us concentrate on the ending part and overlook the new beginning that follows closely on its heels.  Our emphasis on what we are leaving behind overshadows all the possibilities in the future and while we gaze backwards at a closing door, we don't see all the doors opening on the path ahead.  Not every opportunity waits indefinitely for us.  If we don't act promptly and with confidence, the Universe assumes we are not ready, which obviously we aren't, and closes the door.  That door may or may not open again, but even if it does, it will be further down the road - a road that may be rougher and more challenging than it needed to be.

I saw my client welcome what was ahead, even when he did not know what that would be.  He made decisions swiftly and is now poised to close the door and walk into a future that is uncertain, but exciting and full of unknown possibilities.  To move forward boldly meant that first he had to be aware of the signs the Universe was sending him.   He chose not to fight the changes and embraced them instead, moving happily in the direction they led.  Now he is full of excitement and anticipation and is relieved to be releasing so many responsibilities that had been weighing him down.

Watching him reminds me to look for signs of changes and shifts, to stay open to unknown possibilities, to remain optimistic and courageous, to look forward with aniticipation and not backwards with regret or sadness.  My client reminds me of a dog I saw today that was soaked by a sudden rainshower.  Just as that dog shook off the rain and trotted forward without a worry about the wetness that had taken him by surprise, my client shook of the unexpected financial storm and is trotting down the path to his next life adventure.  His action is bold, brave and inspirational.  Shouldn't we all strive to embrace change with that same sense of adventure?

Aha Moments

Last night, I had a revelation at the Creating Money-Attracting Abundance class that I am attending. I listened to other class members talking about their blocks and issues, particularly ones about not feeling good enough for a better job, more money, a happy relationship, good health or whatever is better than what they have now.  For the first time, I realized that I have progressed past that particular block.  I no longer have issues with feeling as if I am not deserving of something better.  I once did - probably did for most of my life - but that issue has ceased to exist for me and I did not even realize it.  Actually, I believe it was the not realizing I had left unworthiness behind that was the true revelation.  Somewhere along my path I made this major leap forward and was not even aware of it. Truthfully, it probably was not a single leap and certainly not a single big leap - it was micro steps; slow, steady, almost imperceptible baby steps.  And, I think that is good - well, its good for me.

I am sure there are people who have mind-blowing, breath-taking aha moments when clarity is instantaneous, wisdom is immediate and life is changed forever.  I am not one of those people.  Little bit by little bit the darkness clears as though a small candle were lit, then after awhile another and then after some more time another, until something moves in the now all-encompassing light and I realize I can see it unhindered; in fact, I can see everything clearly because the darkness no longer exists.  Sort of sneaks up on me when I'm not looking and, like last night, I think, "Wow! When did that happen?"

Major aha moments that seem to blow off the top of your head are thrilling, magical and very Hollywood, but I believe slow, steady change is easier to accept and assimilate.  Makes me think of rain.  Thunderstorms are exciting with their electricity, earth-shaking sounds and momentous rains.  But, the parched, hard-packed earth quickly becomes overwhelmed with the onslaught of water and just cannot absorb more than a little of the precious moisture it so desperately needs.  The rain cascades off the earth and into ditches, drains and bodies of water - much of it puddling unused on concrete and asphalt until it evaporates in the harsh sun.  But, if the rain comes gently, slowly, steadily, each drop softens the ground a little more so the earth can open, little bit by little bit like a heart that is blossoming or a soul that is being enlightened, and welcome the life-saving water.  The rain stays where it is needed, nourishing the soil so that a long-buried seed can germinate and grow.  Beneath the ground, unseen and unknown, the new seedling slowly, steadily pushes its way up and out until one day a speck appears above the earth.  That speck gradually grows taller until on another day the gardener is surprised to see a fully grown plant where once there was only sun-baked, hardened dirt.  That describes how personal and spiritual change happens for me.  I appreciate the opportunity to slowly absorb the wisdom and advice that rains down upon me, allowing me the time to grow and adjust until one day I am amazed when I realize I have pushed past that hard-baked problem that kept me buried for years and I am now basking in the sunlight.

We live in an impatient world and we want change to happen NOW.  But, are we ready for all that change right now?  Can we handle it now?  Or will it be wasted on us because we were too closed to accept it, too hard to assimilate it?  Had I experienced a major, eye-popping revelation about my worthiness, I may have been amazed and dazzled for awhile.  I may have felt great and powerful and invincible for awhile.  But, eventually I'd feel overwhelmed, confused and maybe even scared.  Too much, too fast.  And, I'd close up like the rain-starved earth that just cannot absorb the flooding rain.

Another revelation that came to me a few months ago is that I am not as impatient as I once was and, thankfully, that allows me to welcome change little bit by little bit.  Rather than having in-your-face aha moments when I suddenly understand something, when I suddenly GET IT, I have slow sunrise-type aha moments when I realize I understand it, I got it, but I just don't know exactly when that happened or maybe even how that happened.  Just like watching the sunrise.  Its dark, then there's a tiny sliver of almost-unseen light, then a little more and a little more until the full face of the sun catches you unawares and you wonder, "When did that happen?"