4/15/12 Getting Help

Mark Twain is attributed with this famous saying:  “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.”

Basically, if you want your life to change, if you want something different or something more than you have, you need to change what you do.  Easier said than done.  We are creatures of habit and products of our environment.  We tend to follow in the foot steps of those who preceded us - usually, our parents.  My father possessed an explosive temper and in my late teens, my nickname was “Time Bomb”.  Let me get angry and someone could say “tick, tick, tick” and I would explode right on time.  My supervisor at my job when I was 19 was lobbying for me to be promoted, but he warned me that my temper was well-known and could sabotage my chances.  I considered my temper and its origins and realized I was becoming my father, at least in that aspect.  I made a conscious decision that day to hold my temper in check.  Now, anyone who knows me cannot imagine that I once displayed a nearly out-of-control temper.  Did I get the promotion?  No, but that was due to an economic decline that led to the elimination of the job.  I missed the promotion, but changed my personality. 

Sometimes we can make conscious decisions to change and we follow through successfully, sometimes we try and try and still do not succeed, sometimes we don’t even know how to initiate a change and sometimes we don’t even realize we need to change. 

First, each of us needs to be aware of who we are and how we appear to others.  We need to take inventory of our problems and decide if those issues can be corrected by changing what we do and how we behave.  If you lack friends or long-term friendships, maybe your behavior turns off people, perhaps you come across as cold and unfriendly or maybe you have a reputation for being unreliable or a gossip.  If you always struggle financially, perhaps your spending habits need to be fine-tuned or you may have a mentality of lack, always thinking of what you don’t have or what you think you can’t have.  If we are honest with ourselves, each of us can find some area of our lives that can stand improvement. 

Second, once you identify an aspect of your behavior or an area of your life that needs improvement, determine if you know how to make constructed changes that will move you in a new and better direction.  Do you already possess the knowledge and the skills to curb your temper, increase your reliability, stop a bad habit like gossiping, learn to be a better listener, handle your finances with care or change your outlook?  Whatever your identified issue or issues, figure out if you can create a plan for improvement and put it in motion to make the changes you desire.  If you can, great, get started!  If you can’t, start searching for the information and help you need.

There are scores of life coaches, therapists, books, DVD’s, CD’s, audio downloads and websites that can educate you on how to make positive changes in your life.  There are hundreds of different lessons and practices you can try - affirmations, visualizations, journaling, EFT, hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, meditation, life coaching, support groups, yoga, etc.  Each modality, each approach has something to offer and some work better for some people than for others.  Try them out.  Find one or two or three that work well with your mind set, your personality and your lifestyle.  Whatever you choose must become part of your life, a regular practice.  If you try one approach and see only minor or no results, try another.  Just as all medicines do not work well for all people, neither do these types of “therapies”.  Keep looking until you find one or more that gives you the results you want, but be sure you allow enough time to evaluate a new practice.  Give it a chance to work for you before you give up on it and try something new.  In our lightening fast world, we want instant gratification and results, but changing how we think or behave is not always a fast or easy process.  Even if you are only noticing small improvements, they can mount up to a life-changing shift. 

 About six years ago, I attended my first chord cutting ceremony - a practice based on Native American and Eastern ceremonies to facilitate the breaking of our ties with unhealthy, unneeded or limiting parts of our lives and relationships - present or past.  I went because a friend attended the month before and noticed immediate and profound changes in her life.  After my first ceremony, I could not identify even the slightest change in my life, but I went back month after month and am still going several times a year.  Slowly I noticed changes.  Unlike my friend, these transformations were gradual and more subtle.  But, since I did see changes no matter how small and since the ceremonies usually left me with a feeling of peace that last for several hours and sometimes a few days, I continued participating.  Looking back, I realized that rapid changes would have been bad for me.  My life had already gone through several major upheavals and although the end results were positive, I needed some downtime to assimilate what I’d already experienced.  I desired more changes, but too much, too fast would have been overwhelming and counter-productive.  My changes came slow and steady, just as I needed.  After each ceremony, participants can discuss what they experienced and I often heard of visions, intense feelings, out-of-body type sensations, unusual sounds and the like.  It was a long time before I began experiencing anything stronger than a sense of floating.  But, again, I believe the sensations came to me as I was able to accept and appreciate them. 

Friday night, I was at a chord cutting and had the most profound emotional experience yet.  An amazing feeling of happiness and gratitude swept over me, is still hanging around and I am sure it has something to do with my Manifesting Mount Dora project.  Last week, my man and I were in Mount Dora during a weather pattern of gusty winds - some 30 to 40 miles per hour.  We sat at the end of Grantham Point Park (also known as Lighthouse Park) watching birds soar and dip in the high winds, just enjoying their ability to ride the winds as a child would a roller coaster.  During the chord cutting, with eyes closed, I felt like one of those birds - I was  undulating on the winds, feeling joyful and childlike.  Below me, I saw water (Lake Dora?) and thick canopies of trees.  Suddenly, in mid-air, a young racoon appeared before me.  He was identical to the young racoon we’d come across last week on the shores of Mount Dora.  He just floated before my face, looking impish and gleeful.  Wherever I flew, he stayed bobbing in front of me, sometimes chattering and always consumed with childlike happiness.  Those at the ceremony said I was swaying and smiling as they’d never seen me before.  Later, during our final mediation when I was reclining on my back on the floor, the racoon appeared again; this time sitting on my chest with his smiling face just above mine.  I left the ceremony feeling airy, hopeful, and intensely happy.  All weekend, even during some stressful or annoying moments, I was able to access that same feeling of joy. 

Had I immediately given up after my first chord cutting with its less than notable results, I would never have had the experiences and sensations that have gradually come to me.  I am so grateful for my introduction to chord cutting ceremonies and I unerringly know that I am a better and a freer person for all the ceremonies I’ve attended.  I made a choice to do something different so I would get something different than I’d always got, to paraphrase Mr. Twain. 

Color outside the lines - step beyond the boundaries, real or imagined, that fence in your life - fly a little - run instead of walk - skip when no one is looking and then when everyone is looking - swirl the water around you and disperse the stagnation - feel the breeze on your face - just do something different and see what becomes of it.  You may be surprised.  

 

4/14/12 Manifesting Manhattan and My Man

Like many Southerners, I once viewed mega-cities, such as New York, with distrust and even a little fear.  Although I was born in Baltimore, lived in Atlanta and had family in Chicago, I was raised in the country and felt more comfortable in rural areas or very small cities.  To me New York City seemed unfriendly and unsafe.  My husband disliked crowds, so we avoided cities of any size.

In 1998, my marriage was crumbling.  My husband and I were like roommates who did not like each other very much.  I was depressed, I was cynical, I was lonely.  And, that was the year the movie “You’ve Got Mail” was released. 

Starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, “You’ve Got Mail” was a romantic comedy set in Manhattan.  For me, “romantic” and “Manhattan” meant the movie had two strikes against it.  I attended the movie with my then sister-in-law and her daughter.  Through the show, my face was frozen in disgust.  Who believed this drivel?

Unbelievably, I sat through the movie again with some girlfriends who wanted to see it.  Second time around, I was more annoyed than disgusted, but I was also a little interested, in some strange inexplicable way.  Afterwards, to my surprise, I thought about the movie often.  When the video was released, I bought it and chastised myself for being so silly. 

I watched the video over and over and over again.  I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the living room and watched it.  I could not seem to stop watching it.  Was I going crazy?  Why was I doing this?  Thus began my first manifesting experience, although I was unaware of what I was doing or why I was doing it.  Without knowledge of The Law Attraction, I could not understand my fascination with the movie or comprehend that the movie could actually help me create a new life. 

My bizarre preoccupation with “You’ve Got Mail” lasted for about a year, but even after my obsession subsided, I continued to watch it two or three times a year.  From that movie, grew a very strong desire to visit Manhattan.  I wanted to walk the streets of the Upper West Side.  I wanted to visit Riverside Park.  I wanted to experience the city that once frightened me.  I remained cynical about romance, but I wanted to be wrong; I wanted to believe in love again. 

Little did I know that I was manifesting in the purest way possible.  Long before I knew about the Law of Attraction and before “The Secret” was created, before my daughter entered my life, before I left my husband, I was manifesting Manhattan and my new man-to-be. 

Six years after the release of “You’ve Got Mail”, I met my man.  He differed from Tom Hanks in many ways, but he was romantic and he lived many years in New Jersey, right across the river from Manhattan, a city he visited as often as he could.  He knew the streets of Manhattan well and he also loved the movie “You’ve Got Mail”.  From the first time we watched the movie together, it became “our movie”.  He told me where the movie scenes were located in Manhattan and shared many stories of his times in the city.  My desire to see Manhattan, born from the movie, became a longing, a very strong wanting that was nurtured by his stories.  

Another five years would pass before we were able to go to Manhattan, but I finally walked the streets I’d seen in “You’ve Got Mail” and visited all the city places my man so often told me about.  Since then, we have returned two more times and try to visit there every year now.  I love Manhattan and being there with my man is romantic, fun and exciting. 

I believe, without a doubt, that I manifested my man and Manhattan through my preoccupation with “You’ve Got Mail”.  I cannot explain why my opinion of the movie changed or why I became obsessed with it, but obviously that film was filling some need in my life.  By watching it many times, I attracted a man to love, a man who also loved Manhattan and would later delight in introducing me to his favorite city. 

Right now, we are all manifesting, whether we realize it or not.  We may be manifesting the same sort of experiences that currently fill our lives - perhaps they are good, perhaps not.  We may need a change and, without realizing it, we start creating that change by focusing on something different.  In my case, the “something different” was a movie. 

If we can manifest without knowledge, without conscious effort, imagine what we can do when we put the Law of Attraction to work purposefully!

4-11-12 The Company You Keep

Negativity is contagious.  Surround yourself with negative people - people who find fault, complain, dramatize, whine - and you certainly will find yourself being more like them, unless you learn how to protect yourself from their influence.  It is best if you can simply limit your association with negative people, but that is not always possible.

In my “other life”, when I was unhappy in my marriage, most of my friends were women who were also dissatisfied with their marriages/relationships.  And, our discontentment overflowed to other areas of our lives resulting in displeasure with our co-workers, other friends, neighbors and even children.  Our favorite times together were spent complaining about our partners and just about everyone else in our lives.  Discontentment with one aspect of our lives tends to sour all aspects of our lives.  And, when we are unhappy, we seek the company of others who are also unhappy.  Like attracts like.

When my life changed and I became happier, I found the company of my friends to be uncomfortable.  At first, I could not understand why.  These were my good friends, for heaven’s sakes.  Our relationships were long-term and we shared so much over the years.  I noticed that they were critical of my new relationships and my improved life although I was happier than I had been in many years.  Rather than being happy for me, they were disapproving and, I later discovered, were talking negatively about me behind my back.  Even when the changes in my life were not the topic of conversation, I was uneasy being around their constant complaining and negative comments concerning other people and other situations.  I began seeing how stifling and unproductive those conversations were.  Although we were definitely drifting apart, I was not ready to give up on my “friends”.   Over a year passed before their negative attitudes toward me took their toll and I finally severed the relationships as much as I could.  Because I worked with some of these former friends, total separation was not possible.  When my friendships with those co-workers cooled, I became under attack for minor things concerning our jobs.  I felt like I could not talk about anything in front of any of them without drawing derision.

The breakup with my friends occurred about the time I started learning about the Law of Attraction and it granted me my first chance to put the Law to work.  I chose to disregard them in every way possible except for the work-related conversations that were necessary.  I ignored their conversations completely, not allowing myself to be drawn into or influenced by their negativity or by their offhanded and rude comments about me that were purposely said loud enough for me to overhear.  It was very difficult to close my ears to the words that swirled around me.  I often played music quietly at my desk to drown out their voices.  When someone purposely tried to engage me in a negative and unnecessary conversation or when someone confronted me personally, I did not respond;  I just kept working or left the room.  I printed a copy of the Optimist’s Code and taped it to the side of my printer where I could see it easily and when I struggled to hold my temper and my tongue, I would read it silently to myself, over and over.  Determinedly, I worked to keep positive thoughts in my mind.  Little by little, my efforts to be positive became second nature.  As I participated less and reacted less, the negative comments my former friends aimed at me became fewer and fewer.   After awhile, I did not even hear their conversations anymore.  A workplace that felt hostile for several months became neutral.  Even when I heard or learned about some mean comments made about me, I no longer cared.  I could just smile, shake my head and walk away. 

As these negative people and influences left my life, the emptiness I was feeling for those lost friendships, even if they were not healthy ones, was filled by new friends - positive, encouraging, uplifting friends.  New people came into my life from all directions and I was amazed to have friends that were basically happy people who encouraged happiness in me.  Like attracts like.  Before long, I could look at my former friends and wonder why I was ever friends with them!  Of course, I was a different person when we were friends and they served a need in my life at that time.  I have learned to be thankful for what I learned from them and from our relationships.  We learn from our negative experiences as well as our positive ones and sometimes the negative ones are our best teachers. 

I cannot ignore an even earlier negative influence in my life - my former husband.  When I met him he was suffering from depression - most recently caused by an earlier divorce and loss of contact with his daughter.  However, I believe his depression started much earlier - in his childhood - when he was forced to deal with parental rejection from his father and his step-father.  He was like a sad little boy and my people-pleasing tendencies encouraged me to love him and heal him.  I just knew I could love his problems away.  I could make him happy and help him forget all the bad experiences in his life.  Sounds like a god complex, doesn’t it?  Did I really think I had that much power?  Honestly, I think people-pleasers have less of a god-complex than a responsibility complex.  We feel we are responsible for the well-being of everyone in our lives and because we have so much experience “fixing” other people, we take on more and more challenging cases.  My husband was a very challenging case and for 28 years I tried to make him well, make him happy, make him whole, and it did not work.  I just made myself unhealthy, unhappy and incomplete.  Not only did I wear myself out trying to “fix” him but I absorbed his negativity.  I, who was once nicknamed Pollyanna for my sunny outlook on life, became a terribly pessimistic and hopeless person.  Since I’d already experienced some depression in my youth, my mostly cheery disposition was no contest for his brooding personality, so my positivity was converted to negativity.  Once I was as negative as he was, only an extreme life change could save me and, fortunately, adopting my daughter was extreme enough to do that.

As hard as it is to accept, to save ourselves we sometimes have to leave the ones we may love but who are not good for us - the ones who do not bring light and love into our lives, who immerse us in negativity and criticism; the ones who no not how to be encouraging, uplifting or inspiring.  But what if you cannot leave them?  What if your negative albatross is your parent or a sibling or your child?  What if physical distance is not an option?

If total separation is not possible, limited exposure may be an option.  Search for ways to limit contact with the person.  Find distractions, as I did with music at my desk, that create a barrier between you and the person.  Before being in contact with the person, repeat positive affirmations like “I attract only positive people and experiences into my life”, “My cheerful disposition changes negativity into positivity” and “I control my thoughts and only allow positive, happy ones to enter my mind no matter what influences surround me”; see yourself surrounded in white light and ask for protection from the other person’s negativity; imagine the other person surrounded in white light and ask that any negativity he or she may be holding be dispersed before contact is made; imagine a wall of light between you and the person; imagine yourself in a bubble that gives you protection from all negativity; give thanks for the positive influence you will have on that person and every person with whom you will have contact that day.   At first, these practices are difficult to incorporate into your daily life, but with practice they become easier.  And, as you withstand the negativity of others, allowing your positivity to grow, you will naturally move in a different direction that may allow you to distance yourself further from the negative person or persons and your life will be blessed with new, happy, life-affirming people. 

Trying to manifest anything requires as much positive energy as you can possibly drum up, so limiting  your exposure to negative energy in your world is extremely important.  Even if you have very little control over your daily influences (If you are a law enforcement officer or a soldier, for example, you may constantly be in negative situations that you cannot change), you can make choices to erase the negativity that has clung onto you.  Once you leave your job, for example, listen to soothing, peaceful music - not heavy metal or rap music that has a strong negative undertone; take a warm shower and imagine all the negativity washing down the drain; practice meditation or yoga or tai chi or one of the other calming disciplines; exercise; put all of your attention into something creative that inspires you and pushes away your thoughts of the day; spend time in nature or with children; read positive literature; practice affirmations.  These are just a few of activities that can help neutralize negativity.

I have recently been exposed to some negativity that I hope is only temporary, but, for now, it is imperative that I search for ways to avoid or wash away the negativity if I want to manifest my new home and life in Mount Dora (or anything else, for that matter).  When confronted with negative comments, I choose to ignore them or respond passively whenever possible.  Not allowing myself to take everything personally helps.  We tend to think that someone’s bad mood is directed at us or, maybe, even caused by us.  A sharp tone of voice, a rude comment and we get hurt and annoyed - at least, I know that is my tendency.  I am learning to assume that it is NOT my fault that someone else is surly.  Choose not to accept the responsibility for other people’s moods.  Sometimes when I am exposed to another’s rants or complaints, especially someone who thinks I should agree or at least sympathize with his/her point of view, I just nod and think of something pleasant during the emotional dumping and when it has ended, I say something non-committal like “Wow, that’s too bad” or “Sorry to hear that” or “I know how you feel”.  People just want to let loose, to be heard and it is really not necessary to engage yourself in a conversation over whatever the issue may be.  Usually, a nod, a sympathetic smile and a standard I-understand-you phrase is enough.  I also practice some of the other suggestions I had in the previous paragraph.  It is my hope that this negativity will subside and I only need to tread water until that happens.  We all experience periods of negativity in our lives - whether personally or through others - and usually those times are temporary.  We do need to be sympathetic to the problems of others and treat ourselves kindly when we undergo bad times.  It is the never-ending, never-healing negativity that drags us down, saps our energy and destroys our dreams.    

4/8/12 Mount Dora Morning

Our stay in Mount Dora is coming to an end.  Just a couple of morning hours left before we load the car and head north.  The morning is cool, but the heavy breeze that was constant for two days has abated.  As soon as the sun is higher in the sky, the temperature is sure to reach the high 80's.  I awoke to the chiming of Easter morning church bells, but now, other than an occasional passing car on this quiet street and the twittering of birds, the only sound is the soft taping of my computer keys.

The time here has been good.  The petty irritations that followed us were blown away in the stiff lake winds.  My man and I have fallen into the softness that surrounds this town.  Many long, long walks have left us comfortably tired.  We spent precious time with our friends who own or work at the Cuban restaurant where we dined twice.  We choose to eat there at off-hours when the owner and the staff are not busy, allowing us to have leisurely conversations with them.  On Friday morning, before her shop opened for business, we visited with the owner of my favorite women’s boutique and again yesterday when I shopped there.  She and I recently became friends on Facebook and I look forward to strengthening our friendship when we move here.  

An important part of manifesting is to act and talk as if your desires are already plans in progress.  The details are inconsequential.  We need not be bothered with all the hows and whens; we just need to live as though our dreams are happening right now because they are.  Right now, everything we do and say is part of the manifestation process.  With our shop owner friend and the owner and staff at the Cuban restaurant, we shared our plans to move here and my man even invited them to our future Mount Dora home for an Argentine asado (cookout).  I know all the pieces and parts will fall together in time. 

Now seems a good time to review how my commitment to positivity is progressing.  Since March 20th, the first day of my Manifesting Mount Dora project, I only missed one day of writing in my Gratitude Journal.  New posts to my blog appear every two to three days just as I planned.  I am listening to more music which soothes the rough edges of my hours.  I also bought and listen frequently to a CD call “Music to Inspire Positive Thinking Scientifically Designed by Dr. Lee R. Bartel”.  I bought the CD at an independent bookstore.  It was in one of those electronic displays where a sample of each CD for sale can be heard with the press of a button.  I did not know about Dr. Bartel and I had no opinion as to whether or not music can be scientifically designed for positive thinking, but I liked the gentle tunes and figured listening to the melodic sounds certainly was relaxing and so could possibly have the ability to inspire positive thinking.  Since then, I Googled Dr. Bartel and found that he is a Professor of Music and Assistant Dean at the University of Toronto and is the Acting Director of the Music and Health Research Collaboratory.  He teaches graduate classes in Music and the Brain and the Social Psychology of Music and certainly seems qualified to design music for positive thinking.  A quick visit to Amazon.com revealed that he also has CD’s to promote rejuvenation, stress relief and relaxation. 

I stay focused on being positive and search for ways to promote happiness and a sense of well-being in my life.  Tonight, we will attend a Crystal Bowls Concert and Mediation in our current hometown.  If you have never experienced the sounds of crystal bowls, I highly recommend searching for a musician who uses them in your area or downloading/buying some crystal bowl music from a website.  The sounds will touch your soul and give you a deep feeling of peace.  So, the concert tonight is one more step on my journey to “be peace” which is also part of my journey to Manifesting Mount Dora.  It is all related.   

I continue reading positive and inspiring books.  While at the same independent bookstore where I bought Bartel’s CD, I also picked up a used book called “The Architecture of All Abundance - Seven Foundations to Prosperity” by Lenedra J. Carroll, which I started as soon as I finished re-reading The Secret.  Carroll’s book is wonderfully entertaining, informational and inspirational.  I want to share a biblical quote from her book that seems very appropriate for this Easter morning. 

    Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin; and yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
    Wherefore, if God so clothes the grass of the field - which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven - shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith.
    Therefore take no thought, saying, "What shall we eat?" or,"What shall we drink?" or, "Wherewithal shall we be clothed?" for the God of your Being knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
    Seek them not, nor be of doubtful mind but rather seek ye first the kingdom of your God, and in his righteousness all of these things shall be added unto you, for it is God's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.     Matthew 6:28-33, Luke 12:27-31

Being more of a spiritual nature and not a religious one, I use that quote in a non-preachy sense.  In my church-going days, those words were read aloud many, many times, but not until I read them in Carroll’s book did I notice “the God of your Being and “the kingdom of your God”.  To me that just confirms my belief that we all have our own spiritual path and you may walk with the Judeo-Christian god or with the many Hindu gods or with Buddha or you may connect spiritually with an all encompassing Universe, but we still are lilies of the field and we should live in faith that we will be cared for as they are. 

I will end with another quote from “The Architecture of All Abundance”:

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way that it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want.”     —Margaret Young

I find a correlation between “. . .seek ye first the kingdom of your God, and in his righteousness all these things will be added unto you” and “You must be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want.” 

Perhaps, just perhaps, being who we are meant to be and doing what we love to do is the way we are to seek the kingdom of God.  What do you think?  

4/6/12 Moon Over Mount Dora

We are in our destiny town and the moon will be full and powerful tonight.  A good time for manifesting!

Usually Mount Dora sweeps away our troubles, but this time some annoyances have been hanging on.  I think we both feel the prickly edges of aggravations that have hitched a ride south with us, leaving no sense of peace.     

I am reading “The Architecture of All Abundance - Seven Foundations to Prosperity” by Lenedra J. Carroll (mother of the singer Jewel).  The fifth chapter is entitled “Be Peace”.  Nedra escapes the hectic world of managing her daughter’s career to spend three weeks at a retreat where she learns to obtain and keep an internal peace that will remain constant no matter how rough the waters are around her.  I know that peace, even world peace, must begin in the heart and soul of each individual.  And, as I was reading that chapter, it occurred to me that peace, although a grand and powerful concept, needs only to be a simple action or, perhaps more often, a non-action.  Letting someone’s unpleasant statement pass without comment.  Allowing someone to be moody without absorbing the mood or even acknowledging it.  Releasing the need for someone to be or feel a particular way. 

I often take on the burden of trying to make others feel better and usually absorb whatever ill mood I am trying to “cure”.  When did it become my job to change the moods and attitudes of all who are part of my life?  Why do I so often feel responsible for their negativity, sharp responses and sarcasm?  Am I so powerful a person that I can cause or control someone else’s state of mind?  Yes, we all influence one another, especially those close to us, to some degree, but surely the degree is less than we often imagine.  And, if it isn’t, if someone allows us to control his or her mood so completely, isn’t the fault his and not ours?  If someone gives away his or her power like that, we certainly do not need to accept it.  Shouldn’t we be busy enough with our own state of being that we don’t have the time or the energy to be controlling or worrying about someone else’s? 

I know my need to make everyone happy grew from the death of my mother when I was three months old.  I grew up believing that my birth somehow contributed to her early passing.  My father was a moody, volatile man and I assumed his anger was the result of losing his wife at a young age and since I felt some responsibility for that loss, I also felt an immense responsibility to make him happier or, at least, less angry.  The responsibility I felt carried over to others - why I don’t know.  People viewed me as a person with a big heart, open arms and the ability to listen well.  Even in elementary school, other children brought their troubles to me.  At first I was perplexed, but then I just accepted that they were drawn to me for some reason beyond my understanding.  Eventually, all that listening, along with my perceived responsibility for my father’s emotional stability, weighed heavily on me.  I was too young to develop the coping skills of counselors, therapists, doctors and nurses, so I suffered in ways an adult, much less a child, should not. 

I absorbed the unhappiness, worries and anger of others as a sponge soaks in dirty dish water.  The years have taught me a few lessons about boundaries, but old patterns are hard to break.  I’ve learned a few coping skills and am able to shake off the problems and negative vibrations from lesser acquaintances, but those closest to me are still a challenge.  And, honestly, I don’t want to be cold or uncaring, especially to those I love.   

My new Intention is to give up the job of healing and/or absorbing the moods of those around me.  I am not, nor do I want to be, nor should I be responsible for the moods, negativity or poor behavior of others.  I choose to “be peace”.  I can care, I can have empathy, I can offer advice - when asked, but I choose to accept peace for myself and to allow others to find their paths to peace. 

And, what does all of this have to do with manifesting?  A great deal.  When our psyches  
are bathed in the negativity absorbed from others, we cannot find and nurture our own well-being.  We lose touch with our center, the home of our personal peace.  Creative manifestation requires a strong center, a well-defined sense of self and an internal peace. 

Today we had a tour of the historical home for sale that I found online - the one I printed photos of and added to my Manifesting Mount Dora Vision Closet.  We loved it.  But, as I said before, my focus is not on a particular house so I was able to enjoy seeing it without feeling apprehensive about obtaining it.  It was fun to imagine living there with “there” representing any home in Mount Dora that we can manifest.  Playing games with manifesting can be very powerful way to jump start the process.  As adults, we have lost the wonder and joy of playing, of pretending.  When we are in that childlike state we are free from all that binds us to “reality” allowing us to enter a state of creating.  Touring a house, walking through a car lot, carrying a $100 bill in your pocket, watching movies set in places you want to visit can stimulate your imagination and with imagination comes creativity and with creativity comes manifestation. 

I feel peaceful right now.  I am writing, there is a full moon, I’ve had an enjoyable day in one of my favorite places and I am having a chai latte while my man enjoys a cappuccino.
The energies are powerful.   

4/3/12 Roots

Since last week was challenging, to say the least, and there were times I felt a little overwhelmed with this whole “being happy to manifest” project, I decided to go back to my “roots”.  By that, I mean to go back to when I first started learning about the Law of Attraction and manifesting.  I dug out The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and read it again.  Truthfully though, my earliest roots of manifestation education, besides the first conversation with my neighbor Kathy about Edwene Gaines, was when my man chose the book “The Celestine Prophecy” by James Refield for me to read.  Let’s take a trip back in time. 

With no knowledge of the Law of Attraction, I managed to manifest a move and a new place to live without knowing what I was doing.  To me, that just proves the power of the Law of Attraction.  I was so happy with my new daughter that I climbed out of my martial funk and began living again.  My vibrations went from ultra-negative to uber-positive and, without realizing it, I was telling the Universe that I wanted a new life and the Universe responded to my request.  But, as often is the case, my new life came with new challenges and worries and I dragged along some of the old ones as left-over baggage.  I was happier, but had even more worries. 

A year or so after a new man entered my life (I manifested him, too!), we were in St. Augustine for a little R&R and continued a new-found tradition of choosing books for one another.  We were in the bookstore Second Read and he chose “The Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.  He’d never heard of the book, as neither had I, but was drawn to it and thought I would enjoy reading it.  I read that book into the dawning hours of the morning.  I researched similar books online thinking I would find none or only a few and was amazed when I found lists and lists of books that “people who read The Celestine Prophecy” also read.  I began reading them, all the while thinking I was an odd-ball because, other than my neighbor Kathy, I did not believe there was anyone in my city who knew about manifesting and The Law of Attraction.   

I had a friend who shared the same profession and hometown as Kathy, so I introduced them and sat in amazement as they started talking about all this manifestation stuff that I thought was a true secret and which I had no idea my other friend new about.  Then, at a party, another long time friend struck up a conversation with the other two and I found out that she also knew what they knew.  I was shocked.  How could it be that my friends had these beliefs, this knowledge, and had never talked to me about it?  As they explained, they were careful who they talked to about the Law of Attraction because mainstream people, a/k/a their work cohorts, would think they were nuts.   

Shortly after, the video of The Secret was released.  My neighbor invited my man and me and my other two friends as well as a room full of other people to watch the movie.  I could not believe all those people already knew about manifesting and were wanting to learn more.  From there, I progressed to book after book, video after video, class after class.  People I did not know would enter my life to discuss the Law of Attraction.  Synchronicity was in action. 

Yet, still I was struggling with many problems.  I worked to release my worries, to believe that answers would arrive.  And, they did.  One after another, solutions appeared.  And, I learned that just because an answer is provided, it does not mean that everything falls into place easily, especially when you fall back into old routines of “not allowing”.  There was work, lots of work.  I was overwhelmed usually, confused often.  But, I made progress, I learned so much and little by little the problems resolved and my life became less stressful.  I fell into complacency and although I was still reading and studying, I was not doing as much.  And that is why I felt the need to return to the roots of my adventure.

Actually, I think The Secret is one of the less profound books/movies about the Law of Attraction.  It is flashy and presented in sound bites that play well with modern audiences, and provides just a superficial explanation of manifesting.  But, it does hit the highlights and I enjoyed reading it again.  It was nice to revisit the excitement I felt when I first read it.

So, how am I doing?  Today I was tired and a little sad and often irritated.  I listened to music and repeated affirmations to bring up my vibrations.  Should have taken a walk, but I didn’t.  Did I become happy?  Not really, but I became less sad and less tired.  Sometimes happy is just not attainable today - tomorrow, yes, but not today.  Sometimes the stars and our planets are not in alignment, sometimes our body chemistry is out of whack, and sometimes we just feel tired of all the junk going on around us.  We shut down or get wound up or just can’t stir up enough interest or energy to go beyond the day’s necessary tasks.  Downtime is required.  Why?  Because being happy takes effort and commitment and time, especially when you are not accustomed to being happy, or are at least used to just being neutral.  At some point, happy may become my default, no matter what gunk is swirling around me.   But, right now, it still takes effort. 

My happiest time today? Writing this blog.  I feel better than I have all day.  I feel stronger.  
At this moment, I wish I could start my day over and react differently than I did.  But, by thinking that, I am dwelling on the past.  It is better to just appreciate what I am feeling right now - because I am happy right now.  While writing I removed myself from the negativity and chaos and I was able to be involved in something I love.  That is why creativity is one of the best forms of manifestation there is.  When in a creative mode, we are centered and focused, naturally tuning out all the superficial noise and chattering and unconsciously  shaking off all the negative vibrations and toxic energies.  If you want to put the Law of Attraction into action, find something creative to do on a regular basis.  Give yourself that gift of happiness.

4/1/12 Birthdays

Today is my daughter’s birthday.  Birthdays are a good time to think about new beginnings.  Some people make New Year’s resolutions - I make birthday resolutions.  But, I didn’t when I had my birthday this past November, or did I?  If I did, I forgot, which indicates my resolution was not very heartfelt.  I do remember thinking that I don’t know how to grow old.  When I speak to friends in their 50's about age, the women always reflect on being like their mothers and men, like their fathers.  My real mom died when I was three months old, so I never had her as a mirror of what to expect.  And, I can only hope from the bottom of my heart that I will not become my father as I age!  Perhaps not having an aging mother to watch helped me not to have hangups about aging, not to fear what I might be seeing in my mother growing older.  I don’t fight the years or the aging process - perhaps because I always was more comfortable with those who were much older than me.  Even as a child, I preferred the company of adults, and preferably grandparent-aged adults, than I did of other children.  I really don’t think about aging, but I do think about the passage of time. 

At 57, I sometimes think I don’t have enough time left to manifest what I want.  Oddly, 15 years ago I thought there was way too much time left in my life and I dreaded the thought of living all those years until death.  Now I see a finite number of years and I want to live purposefully, with vigor and hope.  I want the years and the minutes to count for something more than myself.  In my sixth decade, I want to learn more, experience more, teach more.  I feel an urgency I’ve never felt before and that urgency brought life to Manifesting Mount Dora.  Since I began this project on March 20th, I have been reading, writing and studying more than I have in years.  I want this project to be bigger than me.  I feel like March 20th was a birthday of sorts. 

My daughter at 26 is already wants to turn back the hands of time.  She is feeling the passage of time, the shortage of time.  At 26, I’d been married five years and would soon be moving for the fifth time.  Already life had lost its glimmer.   I can see that in her eyes too.  Sometimes she cannot see the glimmer or the shine or the shimmer or the glitter.  At her age, life is work - making money, raising children, getting by.  She still dreams, but those dreams are mired in the mundane tasks of everyday life - the tasks that fill our waking minutes and leave us exhausted at the end of the day.  Too tired to dream.

There are ways to rise above the mundane, to put that spark back in our lives and in our step.  I wish I had known at her age what I am learning now.  She already knows some of this and I applaud what she puts into practice, but she, like all of us, can do more to take determined, measured steps to self-realization. 

Much of what I am doing - writing, reading, creating vision boards, using a gratitude journal, walking and doing yoga - are all activities that take time - a lot of time.  Time that, as the working mother of two small children, she lacks.  Time that I lack when my work grows beyond a 40-hour week.  So, when time is short, what can we do to continue manifesting?

The list below is a birthday gift to my daughter:

✮Be happy.  Even when hurried or weary or stressed, find a way to be happy and if you can’t be happy, pretend.  The old adage “Fake it ‘til you make it” is good advice.  Act happy, even when you feel as far away from happy as you can possibly be, and you will start feeling happier.   Smile - a lot.  Laugh - as often as you can.  Sing - loudly.   Dance - like no one is watching.  Don’t wait until you feel happy - that may never happen or it may only last for a short period of time.  Make your happiness.  Look for the little things that make you feel better - a hot cup of tea, a flower in bloom, the smile of a child, the song of a bird, the warmth of your bed. 

✮Be present.  Pay attention.  Don’t get so caught up in all the busyness that you lose track of the minutes that are passing.  Stop several times a day (set your watch or cell phone’s alarm to remind you to do this every few hours) and be quiet, pay attention and note what is going on around you.  What do you hear?  What do you see?  What do you feel?  Can you hear your heart beating?  Breathe deeply.  Feel your lungs and abdomen with as much air as you can and let it out with a sigh.  Touch your skin - is it dry, warm, cool, wet?  Do you have a taste in your mouth?  This little exercise only takes a couple of minutes and even if you do it a few of times a day, you’ve used less time than it takes to brush your teeth and comb your hair. 

✮Be grateful.  Take a moment just before bed to be grateful for your day.  If possible, write at least three gratitudes in a journal.  If you don’t have the time or the energy or the inclination to write, at least think of three or more things for which you are thankful. 

✮Allow.  Allow others to help you.  Allow yourself to rest.  Allow your answer to be “no” sometimes.  Allow your answer to be “yes” sometimes.  Allow yourself to make decisions that are good for you and for those in your care.  Allow yourself to accept compliments and allow yourself to give compliments. 

✮Be quiet.  Not just before falling asleep, but sometime during the day give yourself a few moments of silence.  Lock yourself in the bathroom if you must, but find that quiet spot and be silent. 

✮Set boundaries.  This is a tough one for many people and it can be hard to do in our needy world, but we must protect ourselves from too much - too much of anything.  Know how much is good and how much is too much and respect the limits that keep you healthy and sane.  Put healthy boundaries in place for yourself and others.    


 ✮Speak gently.  Harsh words are happiness killers.  Choose your words for the positive effect they will have on others and on you.  Negative, sharp or impatient words not only steal your happiness, but the happiness of those to whom they are directed and even those who just happen to be in hearing range.  Remove curse words from your vocabulary.  Avoid the shoulds, woulds, coulds, musts, can’ts, and don’ts from your sentences.  Let your words smile and laugh, not bite and bruise.  The same is true of your internal words - what you say to yourself, the mind chatter.  Speak kindly, gently to yourself.  Use positive words when you are thinking, as well as speaking. 

✮Respect others.  Respect does not have to mean agreement.  It does not have to mean acceptance.  Respect is kindness.  Just allowing someone else to be or to say without meeting criticism or sarcasm or disdain from you.  You can disagree, but respectfully and politely.  If you can’t be nice, be silent or walk away. 

✮Respect yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  We are all a work in progress.  Allow yourself time to learn and grow.  Be bold, be brave, be you.  Know that you have as many rights as anyone else.  You have a purpose.  You are here for a reason. 

✮Honor time.  Time can be your enemy or your friend.  Be conscious of time and what needs to be done in the time you have.  Respect the time of others.  Strive to arrive on time.  Always hurrying means your time is not being honored.  Figure out the time you need and allow for that and a little extra.  Schedule the time you need and allow for unscheduled time.  We all need to go with the flow occasionally.  When you are rushing around you are sending out negative vibrations that affect you, those around you and even what will happen in the future.  If you honor time, life will be calmer and you will have more time.

✮Do something different at least once a week (every day would be even better).  Routine, or what we call being in a rut, is our enemy.  We become complacent and lazy and dull.  Doing the same thing every day turns our brains to mush.  Routines are necessary, but not everything needs to be or should be the same every day.  Change something, anything.  Even something small.  Try a different food.  Travel a different route to work.  Change your hairstyle - even that just means parting your hair on the right rather than the left.  Listen to a different genre of music.  Drink tea instead of coffee.  Sleep on the right side of the bed rather than the left side.  Next time you shop for clothes, choose an article of clothing in a color that is not represented in your closet.  Add a little variety to your life to ward off staleness and mental fog.  Surprising yourself is a gift that you can afford.

Even when you are 26 and life is coming at you life a runaway train and you feel overwhelmed and a little lost and a little scared, even when you cannot squeeze out a moment for reading or writing or meditation or vision boards or long, thoughtful walks in nature, you can strive to be happy, be present, be grateful, be allowing, be quiet, to set boundaries, to speak gently, to respect others and yourself, to honor time and to change up your routine.  You cann do these things - sure you can.    

I don’t mean this to sound preachy.  Heaven knows, I am still learning about being happy, being positive and using my thoughts and words to create the life I want.   I wish someone had given me these tips when I was younger before I got too tired and too depressed to think I could do anything to make life better.  I wasted precious time just wishing life would go away.  Perhaps, your experience will be more life-affirming than mine was.